| Ode To Kiwifruit I And in the Central Valley some of the kiwifruit aren't round in an eggish way, but look like Siamese twins and triplets neatly made into one kiwi, like fur- wrapped Alaskans pressed together to stay warm, small commemorative figurines of Mount Rushmore with presidential faces seriously unshaven. Just as green inside as the accepted kiwi, the same wave of seeds in rolling connect-the-dots smiles, just as sweet, just as potent in tenderizing tongues if you eat too many or chew too long. But you don't see these in grocery stores. They don't fit neatly through the machines which sort. II The kiwi I just bought in Nurnberg was nearly perfect, deserving at least a line or two here both praising and eulogizing its firmness, flavor, roundness, largeness, vitamin content, even though it grew up in New Zealand, not California. III California is where I found them lovely. On eating one last autumn, I felt amazement, as if the Holy Grail of fruit had always been just a market trip away; I immediately made a friend promise to remind me someday that kiwifruit is fantastic and should be eaten. I forget things like that. IV In the Midwest, many grocers don't know what they have. They leave the kiwi in some corner of the produce aisle until they're pruneish, soft as bags of gelatin, a touch of mange, tasting horrible. At this point the grocer puts up a "8 for $1!" sign. What wonder then, for Hoven, South Dakota, in a tiny, corner store, to have small, sweet, firm kiwi cared for like emeralds in custom-fitted leather pouches! V They really don't seem so sexual to me, as some friends say they are: in some ways, the skin reminding them of the pubic area on a woman; some say they hang in plastic produce sacks like testicles. But I am too fascinated with my own sexual denials, so in this realm I must ask you to use your own imagination rather than borrowing mine. VI I don't recommend kiwifruit fried in olive oil and red pepper and they do something awful when stripped to skinny dip, green and moist, in milk. But in pancake batter, fruit salad, pastry, they slide in as naturally as a tired body into a hot tub at night. VII But then there are those wonderful, bulbous, large, irregular kiwi-- remember them from section one? how the steel and plastic and silicon reject them? I can almost see those doorknockers clogging up the automatons, refusing to pass down the neat little holes, only sold at farmer's markets in places like Davis, California or Hokitika, New Zealand near where they grow, accepted and cherished by the warm palms of poets who write odes to them as an important matter of taste. |