journal2

The last couple of days have been, well um for lack of a better description... interesting. Of course I've got to talk about the 'sucky' grammys last night. Just a few moments that were actually good, loved my guys from U2. They are the BEST! Thought N'Sync and Nelly were fabulous, India. Arie made me smile and Mary J gave me chills...

Now to the rant... Alicia Keys, oh pahleeze... I am so over the SO overexposed Alicia. She hasn't always bugged me, but it's like she's everywhere and honestly, how many times can you hear Fallin'? I mean really... and the flamenco dancing crossover whatever it was, just confused me. Plus I'm just annoyed that India.Arie didn't win a single award. How can you be nominated seven times and get nothing, that makes no sense!

The message in the song Video made me think about how many times I have felt unattractive or generally inadequate, not quite measuring up to any standard of beauty. I just think India articulated SO many things I have felt my entire life in a way that was not cliche... So I was majorly bummed that she got snubbed! Anyway, that's the end of my rant.

I went to see the psychologist on Tuesday. It's a required part of the program, before your surgery can be scheduled. My time with her was a little strange and not exactly what I expected, not that I had a great deal of expectations to begin with. To start, she was, um a little abrasive. She asked me why I would do something so drastic and why I didn't have more control over my life. Needless to say, I was a little taken aback and found myself defending my decision. Ultimately, I think she may have taken this course to fully make me understand how major my decision to have surgery is. I guess I resent the notion that being overweight is something I can just cure if only I had a little more control. While I am fully aware that I have lacked 'control' about my eating, there are many more things involved with why I became this size. I can't really explain everything because I am in the process of trying to understand so much of it myself. I think it was her tone and the sort of implied shame I should feel for 'letting' myself get this way. That didn't sit well with me. Don't think I would have to defend myself if I was fighting cancer or ms or some other malady because those things are understood as 'dis-eases', but being overweight is my own fault... That bugs me! I haven't worked out all of the answers, but I know in my case, there isn't just one thing to point to. Anyway, I sent my doctor an email telling him how I thought the session went. I'm waiting to hear back from him and see how the psychologist evaluated our time together. Well, that's all for now...

My doctor emailed me back and told me that the psychologist thought I would make an excellent candidate for WLS. She also said that she thought I would do really well post-op. That just goes to show you that I CANNOT read people, probably never will be able to either.

Now onto the really important stuff... Television. I was SO sad after watching Angel last night. I actually had trouble going to sleep thinking about little Connor trapped in a hell dimension. I need to find a life fast...

And Battle of the Seasons, I don't know...Steven's departure didn't bring as much joy as I had hoped. It was just a little anti-climactic for me, maybe because Becky and Norm had such a negative reaction to the vote. I wanted to have more glee when Steven got the boot, but it just didn't happen, oh well. Next week looks interesting though... Tonight it's Anya and Xander's wedding, this should be good... It better be good, I need a laugh.

That's about all that's churning between my ears today. I am still trying to get back into the groove after having a GREAT weekend!

Hugs and Smooches to Everybody!