At dinner it was announced that I was grounded for two months. Originally it was for one month, but I protested and my sentence was extended. That meant no leaving the house, no phone, no internet, and no happiness until further notice. Mum and Dad were so angry they wouldn't even look at me. Conversation was tense and sparse, consisting of occasional quips from Mum to Romey or Dad to Arik. I felt as if my presence was a fungus on their otherwise happy family meal, an ugly splotch they wished wasn't there. I ate little and left the table as soon as possible.

I went to bed having not said a word to my family. I fell asleep early, exhausted from the trauma of the day, but slept fitfully. My dreams were nightmarish visions of bloodthirsty bullies, leering teachers, and red-faced family. It was very lonely, lying awake and cold at three AM, feeling as empty as the dark, creaking house I was sleeping in.

By morning I hurt so badly I could barely get out of bed. I may as well have been still blinded for all I could see with my swollen black eye. Dark bruises had risen throughout my body, and it probably would have looked like quite the rainbow of purples, blacks, and yellows if I wasn't colorblind. Even breathing hurt. I spent the entire day in bed, leaving it only to hobble to the bathroom every few hours or to change the CD in my stereo. Occasionally Mum came up with medicine, ice, and food to make sure I was still alive.

"Oh, Harry," she sighed dolefully, and left without delay.

Later, Arik bounced in and perched himself at the edge of my bed, obviously having nothing better to do with his day.

"Gee, Harry, you're in tough shape!" he remarked.

Thank you, Master of the Obvious.

"Poor kiddo, he really got you good, didn't he? I bet you gave him a run for his money, though, right? But, hey, does it hurt?"

Having you sit here and croon over me? Yes, it hurts like the dickens.

"I've been in a few fights, but never anything too bad. You know me: I'm not one for violence. Mostly I try to avoid mean people like airship pirates and gay-bashers and stuff." He shuddered. "What was the fight really about anyway?"

"You wouldn't understand," I murmured.

Arik giggled. "Ah, was it about a girl? Yeah, I wouldn't know anything about that! Ha ha ha!"

Arik, you are so incredibly stupid.

"Put music on for me, will you?" I murmured.

"Sure thing! Radio or CD?"

"Just change the CD. Desaparecidos or the Used�both are on the bureau."

Arik made a face as he slipped the iridescent disc into the stereo. "Ew, you listen to such whiney, screamy stuff! My friend Roger used to blast that screamy stuff all the time. It scares me! Why don't you listen to something happy?"

"If you don't like it, you can leave," I muttered humorlessly.

Laugh, laugh. "Ohh-kay, I get the hint! See ya later, buddy!" And he left not a moment too soon.

By the next day I was fine to walk around, although every inch of my body still ached with each movement. The following day, the first day of my suspension, was much the same. Mum and Dad went to their parent-teacher conference about me, and Arik went to work on the airship. I'm no fan of parent-teacher conferences, as I generally end up getting roasted. This one wouldn't last long, though, as it was basically just a review of my punishment and a chance to get some work the teachers had assembled for me. However, I'd heard them say that after the conference they were running some errands, so that gave me a few hours to myself. Hoping my friends were so lucky, I made a few phone calls.

"Lin-man!"

"�Harris?"

"Hey, I'm going to the park. Meet me there."

"I'm grounded."

"Your point?"

Lin laughed. "Yeah, no one ever notices if I leave anyway. You going to call Georgie?"

"Aye. He should be able to come; his parents aren't very strict. I have a feeling it'll be the last time we'll see each other for awhile."

"Got that right."

He agreed to meet me there and hung up. I called Georgie and sealed the plan.

A mile or so from my house was a gorgeous state park. It wasn't a social one with playgrounds and such, but more of a wildlife reserve. It sprawled for a few miles of forest, with two waterfalls, a large pond, and a river that lead to the ocean. There was even an ancient abandoned mill from the early 1800s still perched over the waterfall, so it was a very pretty, very quaint place. I biked there and walked to our designated spot under the waterfall. It had been dammed today, creating a calm pool underneath the bridge with large flat rocks to sit on. There I awaited my two partners in crime: Xiang-Xue Lin, a Chinese poet, writer, and musician with rectangular black glasses and blonde highlights; and Georgie Gigamario, a chubby Italian artist with sideburns and a poofy afro of brown curls.

Lin got there first, as he lived close to my house, and he was soon followed by Georgie. We sprawled out on the rocks and compared battle scars and horror stories.

"It was funny, really," Lin said. "Harris, you think I'm kidding when I say my dad gets confused with English, but I'm not. And when he works with China for weeks on end like he's been doing lately, his brain functions completely in Chinese. With Pace barking at him with his awful Boston accent, he couldn't make out a word of it. Plus, Pace can't pronounce my name to save his life, so at first my dad didn't even know he was talking about me. Pace got so frustrated he ended up having me translate what he was saying into Chinese for my dad. I told my Dad I was suspended for the afternoon for swearing in class and that we had the next few days off for teacher workshops."

"You did not!" Georgie exclaimed, grinning from sideburn to sideburn.

Lin smirked. "Did so. My dad bought it, too. Grounded me for a few days for getting in trouble at all, but it's no big deal."

"Lucky ass!" I said.

Lin shrugged, grinning. "Well, what about you guys?"

"Eh, my folks were all: 'Well, I hope you taught those jerks a lesson!'" Georgie said. "My dad was like 'Attaboy, son!' He got in trouble a lot in high school, so he assumes it's a rite of passage. He figured I was being macho, or something, which he likes. My mom was angry, though, saying that my grades will be affected and I'm a bad influence on my sister and such. She grounded me for a week and took away my watercolors. Grandmama's too senile to grasp the situation. She actually drove me here, you know, on her way to Bingo Night."

Lin and I snorted. The Gigamarios were quite a clan.

"My mom is right, though, about my grades," Georgie continued. "I don't know how I'm going to pass Geometry."

"I'll help you," I offered. "That's the only thing that comes easily to me."

"Thanks, though I think I may be beyond help. I'll probably just repeat it next year. Wouldn't be so bad. So, Harris, how'd things go at chez Redde?"

I moaned. "From the way my parents talked, you'd think I burned the building down. There was screaming and smacking and lots of general nastiness. Apparently one fight means I'm destined for the state penitentiary. I'm grounded for two months, no computer, no phone, no nothing. And they yelled at me for dragging you guys into it. My mom thinks I'm bringing about the downfall of Saint Lin."

"Well, I'd be bored without your problems to solve, now wouldn't I?" Lin replied.

"Same here. Plus, you know we've got your back," Georgie added, kicking water at me.

"And at any rate, those jocks should die. I fantasize sometimes, when they're being idiotic in class..." Lin made his hands into a gun shape and fired at a nearby rock. "I can imagine myself shooting holes through their skulls, watching their craniums blow. Bang!"

"You're creepy," Georgie said, giving Lin a look.

"I know," Lin agreed, and he shot another rock.

"Eh, don't go for the head�there's nothing in there anyway," I remarked. They could probably live for weeks decapitated, like a cockroach."

They snorted.

"Man, seriously," Georgie said, in a more serious tone, "how often do they go after you?"

I didn't answer right away. I didn't always tell my foremost compadres when Justin and Spinner harassed me because I didn't see the point and because Georgie would worry. What would be the point of reporting every nasty remark they shot at me or every time they tripped me?

"Eh," I said distractedly, "nothing too bad."

Unfortunately, my friends know when I'm trying to be self-sacrificing and stoic; the real me whines incessantly.

"Are you sure you're all right, Harris?" Georgie asked. "You've seemed kind of down for awhile."

"Eh, my family's stupid, that's most of it," I said, waving it off. "Don't worry about me, all right? I'm fine. Plus, you know I'd tell you guys if I ever started contemplating nooses."

I could tell Georgie wasn't totally satisfied, but for the moment he was appeased. "Aw, okay. You know we're just trying to protect our beloved leader!"

"Why do I need protection?" Lin asked, rejoining the conversation after having drifted away to poke a newt that had crawled onto his rock.

"Very funny, Lin," Georgie said. "You know Harris is the fearless leader."

"I missed that memo. Heil, Herr Harrison."

"You can't be serious for a minute, can you?" Georgie muttered.

"And be depressing like you emo dorks? No thank you."

I grinned, amused.

Lin stood up. "All right, Harris, listen. Easy way to get rid of those turds: just have your brother beat them up."

I cringed. "That fag, beat someone up? Yeah, right! He'd be more likely to run away crying!"

"But he's so strong, and he's, what, twenty-five, right?" Georgie pointed out.

"He's a loser sissy, and I'm not going to have him fight my battles, all right? I hate the bastard! Just shut up about him, okay?!" I snapped.

My friends went quiet. They know I've never been fond of Arik, though I never really explained why. They probably just think I'm homophobic. There's no need to drag them into that personal drama, either. Besides, they wouldn't understand; to their eyes, Arik is a really cool brother.

I'd ruined the mood, and we talked sparsely for a bit longer until we took note of the time and split in separate directions. I pedaled home, feeling awkward. I had the best friends a kid could ask for in those two. Whenever I needed it, Georgie was a shoulder to lean on, and Lin was a smack back to reality. They always stuck by me, even when I was being melodramatic, and we managed to use our varied talents to help each other with schoolwork. Georgie had always joked that I was the leader of our group (after all, I was the bossiest one, and Lin was too apathetic and Georgie too cautious to plot our endeavors.)

Though Lin and I had been friends since we were eight, we'd only met Georgie in eighth grade. It was strange to remember that because we were such a tight-knit trio it felt as if we'd always been together. No matter how we bickered and teased each other, we were still best friends. Since we had each other, we didn't need to do the stupid shit other kids did, like getting drunk, stoned, and arrested at parties so that other people would think we were cool.

I still felt lonely, sometimes. As much as the three of us could commiserate about jocks and school and girl-lessness, they didn't understand my family situation at all. How could they? Georgie's family was all hugs and love and good food, and as much as Lin ridiculed his father, the truth was that his father and his four little sisters worshiped the ground he walked on. I'd tried to tell them about it a few times before, but it made them uncomfortable and nervous. People seem to worry about me when I'm unhappy, because I listen to sad music and think about strange things, and they think I have a few screws loose. I didn't want to upset my friends and I hated feeling the void between us, so I tried not to talk about my family much. They simply didn't understand. They'd never had to listen to their parents tell them that they were stupid, weak, ugly, and disappointing; they didn't go home to screaming more often than not. They didn't have every aspect of their life compared to Human Perfection.

And they weren't physically disfigured, either.

My heart grew heavier and heavier as I contemplated this. Yeah, my friends and I were so close, but they still didn't understand what I went through. They couldn't.

But then, I probably didn't understand my friends either. I didn't know what it was like to watch your mother get sick and die, like Lin had, or to struggle to pass all my classes, like Georgie did. I thought I knew them well, but what if they were holding back, keeping secrets, bottling up feelings? Maybe there was more to Lin's sharp remarks and Georgie's constant neurosis-what went on in their heads that I didn't know? Maybe I really didn't know much about them at all.

That thought unnerved me. If best friends couldn't know and understand each other, then who could? What if everyone really was alone and separate on this earth, trapped in his or her own mind, lying compulsively, and faking smiles? I did it often enough, so there was no reason to think others didn't. Perhaps there was a void between all people, separating all of us. It was an incredibly lonely thought.

Ironically, the only exception I could think of was Arik and Bryce. I used to watch them have whole conversations without a word, with just looks and facial expressions and shared inside jokes. Dad would say something at a family dinner, and Bryce would shoot Arik a subtle look that would make him choke trying to hold back chortles. I always tried to figure out the joke, but I never could; I was lucky to catch it at all. Sometimes when Mum and Dad were out and I was supposed to be asleep, I would spy on them as they lay together on the couch or in a chair. Perfectly quiet and content, they'd stay there, breathing together and playing with each other's fingers or each other's hair like there was nothing more important in the world. They were together, hearts entwined, and nothing else mattered. It made me envious, because they both looked so blissful together. It made me want to be in love, like they were. I wanted someone to hold and to hold me, like they did. It also destroyed any homophobia I'd ever had; no matter what society said, how could something that beautiful be wrong? Even if it involved two men, and one was my brother, it still looked beautiful to me, because they were two separate people but one heart, one mind, one soul.

But I saw them fight once, another time when I was watching when I shouldn't have been. I don't know what they were arguing about, but their voices were low and tense, and Bryce was leaning down in Arik's face with clenched teeth and fiery eyes. Bryce was much taller than Arik, and even though he was a lot thinner, he was much more frightening. He could crease his face into hateful scowls that made him almost unrecognizable, and he could say things so hurtful tears would come to Arik's eyes. There were tears in his eyes, then, and Bryce was mocking him for it in low, nasty hisses. Arik stopped arguing and turned his face away, because Arik gives up during fights. In a flash, Bryce snatched a fistful of Arik's hair and yanked it towards him. Arik yelped�and from where I was watching, I chewed on my finger because it looked like it hurt�and he started whispering and sobbing desperately. Bryce's face contorted even more, and he shoved Arik, hard. Arik stumbled backwards, Bryce left the room, and Arik sat down in a chair and cried silently into his hands for a long time. When they left, after my parents came back home, both were pretending nothing had happened, except that Arik was quiet and kept his eyes on the floor, and Bryce's hand was clenched like claws around Arik's wrist. It made me nervous that Bryce would hit him like that, and I was ashamed that Arik had taken it. It made me wonder how many other fights they'd had like that.

They broke up a few months later.

I guess there's no point in connecting to another human being like that if once you see him inside-out and share his heart, you're only going to realize that you can't stand him.

Fuck it all. It was too complicated.

I stole a glance at my watch and pedaled faster. If my parents got home before I did, I'd be grounded until hell froze over. I snuck out often, and I'd become good at not getting caught. But you never knew what could happen, so there was always the risk of being caught. Which was probably why I liked doing it so much.

And�shit, what was that red van doing in the driveway? They were home already! Swearing, I sailed my bike around the house and into a side-door in the garage. I climbed up the white portcullis that leaned against the garage, climbed to the top of the garage, and then crawled into my bedroom window, which looked out over the garage. With barely a second to spare, I flopped onto my bed and opened the closest comic book. The door handle to my room turned.

It was Mum. She eyed me critically, and my heart pounded as I flipped through my comic book and tried to look casual.

"I met with your vice-principal, Harrison, and Dr. Dingle, too. I can't say I was particularly pleased with what either told me. Apparently Mr. Van Buren and Mr. Pace have caught you roughhousing and fooling around in the hallways on several occasions. Dr. Dingle informed me that your effort in his class is less than satisfactory," she reported, her finger wagging. "He says you frequently don't complete class work and tests, and that your penmanship is atrocious! �and I'd have to say I agree. He also says that you have quite an attitude in class. He says you slouch disrespectfully and roll your eyes, and that you have quite the mouth. Based on how you act around here, I believe that 100%!"

What was I supposed to say to that? The All-Powerful Ones had told her I was a nasty little boy, and no protesting would change her mind now. I flipped another page in my comic book.

"Harrison-Addison, are you even listening to me? This report is unacceptable! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to face a teacher who tells me that my son is a troublemaker with a smart mouth? It reflects poorly on all of us! The teachers can hardly believe you come from the same family as your brother! It really makes me question how I'm raising you!"

Dad materialized behind Mum, who briefly explained that she was explaining why I suck at life. Dad nodded gravely, scowling, his balding forehead creased.

"Harrison, you'd better SHAPE UP soon, or there will be some serious consequences around here, do you understand?" he hissed.

"Whatever," I muttered.

Mum growled angrily. "You now, Harry, Arik never had this attitude problem of yours! He never got in trouble at school or humiliated his parents like this! You could really learn from his example!"

"You mean I should start fucking men, too?"

Mum and Dad were aghast, and it was wonderful.

"Y-you know what, Harry?" Dad sputtered, red in the face. "Why don't you just stay here for the rest of the night! We'll call you down for dinner after we've eaten. We are NOT happy with you." He turned and stalked down the stairs. A shudder ran through his body. I wondered if it was because he'd just had a nasty mental image of his perfect son. I didn't like having to make homophobic remarks, but the effect on Dad was so sweet!

Mum lingered to give me one last meaningful glare.

"Why is there grass all over your clothes?" she inquired, eying me suspiciously. Damn, I thought, she's good.

"I went for a walk in the woods while you were gone," I lied.

"Hmm. I never said you couldn't go in the woods, but for future reference, you're not supposed to leave the house. You're grounded, and essentially that means you're under house arrest. And besides, Harry, how many times have I told you not to go off by yourself? Especially in the woods. With your eyes, you never know what could happen!"

I made no reply other than to roll my eyes (eye?) and clench my jaw so tightly my braces were in danger of snapping off. Mum waited for me to react, gave up, and stalked off. As soon as she was gone, I locked the door, put some music on loud, and climbed out the window to go for a walk before the fireballs raging inside me set my room ablaze.

next chapter...