They had locked my window. I couldn't figure out how they had done it, but no matter how hard I pushed and pulled, it would not budge. Shivering with fury, I pounded my fist against the window and cracked it. I considered throwing my chair through it and escaping, but I knew they'd hear me and would catch me before I'd gotten off the property�and I'd still be exiled to Arikland.

All summer with Arik! I couldn't believe their gall! They were ruining my entire summer, my one reprieve after the most strenuous year of school I'd had yet! How could they? I needed my vacation! I needed some time for myself�I needed to see my friends and to relax with them and to have a good time after so many months of this shit! Frustrated, I threw myself on the floor, pounded the carpet, and ripped apart a textbook.

I was not Arik. I never would be him. Why were they trying to make me become him? Why didn't they realize it was futile? Why couldn't they just accept me, Harris?

�Because I was worthless.

Put some music on, Harris. Listen to the CDs your friends made you. Listen to your Conor. Don't lose it. Not yet.

I fell asleep on the floor, as usual.

The next day was spent packing resentfully, blasting music to keep my mind off my impending death. I filled a suitcase with enough clothing for a long period of time and varied weather conditions. Mum had returned all my CDs to keep me from setting my room on fire, so I brought all of them. My CDs and stereo comprised more of my actual luggage than clothing. There wasn't much else I had to my name besides those and a few comic books.

I refused to eat the next day, but Mum and Dad threw me in the car early in the afternoon anyway, and so I was pissed off and hungry. They, in contrast, were smiley and talkative. Dad fucking hummed. And why shouldn't they be happy? This must have been such a relief, to be able to dump their loser son for the summer! Of course Dad was humming happily�he only had to see me for a few more minutes, and then he'd be free for months! He wouldn't have me around to remind him what a terrible father he was, and hopefully when I came back in the fall I'd be handsome and smart like Arik! What a load off his shoulders!

I scowled from the backseat, contemplating all things black and bloody, and feeling like a rabid dog about to be put down. I was dressed in as much black as I could fit on my body: a black T-shirt under my black sweatshirt, black jeans, black sneakers, and black bracelets. (It matched my mangled hair, which, once dry and combed, had sort of a badass old-school punk look to it.) I had all my Hot Topic and hardware store jewelry too, including my Spike Necklace of Doom that once made me bleed in gym class. I'd even painted my fingernails black. Dad had seized my hand and yelped in dismay, but I told him that Arik would probably like it. After all, dearest Bryce had often had his nails done up black. Eventually Dad got creeped out and gave up. I always enjoyed giving Dad reason to question my sexuality. Sometimes I thought it would be worth it to be gay just so Dad would torment himself wondering what he did to fuck up both his sons like that.

Mum and Dad tried to talk to me for a minute or so from the front seat, but I was blasting a mix tape of hateful songs, and pretended not to hear. Linkin Park may be overrated, but they sure provide good mood music for times like these. "One Step Closer" hit the nail on head.

As soon as he saw us, Mr. Khakis-and-collars himself ran up, waving wildly as if having a violent arm spasm and grinning from sideburn to sideburn. We almost hit him, because he's that big of an idiot. It was close, but alas, no cigar.

We parked, and Mum, Dad, and Romey hopped out to greet him. Romey threw her arms around Arik's middle and then shrieked as he spun her around. I stayed in the car, eyes closed, trying desperately to pretend this wasn't happening.

They got me out of the car only when Dad took my suitcase out of the trunk and threatened to throw my CDs into the ocean.

"Hey, buddy!" Arik giggled as he ruffled my hair once I got out. "Boy, I still can't believe what you did to your poor hair! What'd you do that for?"

I glared sourly at him and pulled my hood over my head to discourage any further physical contact.

"Temper tantrum," Dad explained, as if I wasn't even there, and chuckling as if I was just that fucking funny. "Don't bother talking to him-he hasn't said a word all day."

Arik and my parents chatted amiably for a few minutes while I drifted away and sat on a low pylon. Arik was bright and exuberant, his smile so bright astronauts could have seen it from space. He hugged my mother and Romey warmly when it came time to say goodbye, and he shook my father's hand because Dad stopped hugging you after age ten. They called me over, and Mum hugged me awkwardly, as if she didn't really want to but figured the Sisterhood of Mothers would expel her if she abandoned her son for three months without giving him a hug goodbye. Romey went back into the car and sucked on the lollypop Arik had given her. Dad kept his hands in his pockets.

"Cheer up, Harry," Mum said, smiling and patting my hair with her fingers. "You'll have fun. Things will turn around for you. You'll see."

Mum and Dad climbed back into the car and drove away, blowing kisses and waving. Probably at Arik, not me.

Arik stood with his arm around my shoulder and waved until Mum and Dad were out of sight. Once they were gone, he whooped energetically and heaved my suitcase over his shoulder. He strode briskly across the boatyard, whistling and bouncing on the balls of his feet. I shuffled lifelessly behind him, feeling like I was entering the gas chamber of my execution. Arik took my arm and helped me hop the gap from the dock to the deck of the ship.

He babbled cheerfully at me as he tossed my bags into the bunks and showed me around, in case I'd forgotten where the head was since I was here two weeks ago.

"You hungry?" he asked.

I was famished, but I didn't answer. I plopped cross-legged on the couch and returned to my happy place (i.e. I put my headphones back on.) Arik furrowed his brow.

"Please don't put your shoes on the couch. I don't want it to get dirty," he said, pointing at my crossed legs. I ignored him completely.

"You know, Harry, Mum and Dad are gone. You don't have to play mime anymore." He thumped his chest. "It's me, buddy!"

"I cannot take this anymore, I'm saying everything I've said before. All these words, they make no sense, I find bliss in ignorance. Less I hear, the less you'll say, but you'll find that out anyway�"

"Harry?" Arik bobbed in front of me. He waved his hand in front of my eyes. I folded my arms and leaned further back, ignoring him and enjoying the song.

"Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break. I need a little room to breathe because I'm one step closer to the edge. And I'm about to break."

"Sheesh! Blind and deaf!" Arik guffawed. He reached for my CD player.

"Ne touche pas!

Arik jumped back and gave a brief laugh. "Ha, the boy speaks! I knew it! I had faith in you!"

The man was nauseating. I hopped over the back of the couch and went to the counter to get myself something to eat. I rummaged through the bare cupboards and came to the conclusion that Arik lives on nothing but cheese curls and SpaghettiOs.

He came up behind me, sheepish. "Heh, I'm afraid I don't have much to eat. I've got to go shopping soon. You can come with me, get what you want. Not that I can cook to save my life, but�"

"Sans blague, " I muttered.

"Eh? What's that?"

"Rien."

"Okay, so I got you talking a little� Come on man, speak to me! English!"

I thought for a second, then replied, "Si je veux te parler, je dirai en anglais. Mais, je pense que tu es un cul et possiblement l'homme plus stupide du monde. Je pr�ferais dire avec moi-m�me; la conversation serait plus interessant. Et mais oui, je m'amuse quand je joue avec ta t�te."

Arik stared like a deer in the headlights. "Um�yo hablo espa�ol? Come on, kid, I took Spanish in high school."

"Tant pis."

Arik sighed. "Okay, okay, fine, I'll leave you alone."

We barely spoke for the rest of the day. I sat on the deck of the ship reading my comic books and listening to music. Arik strolled over a few times and paced around me, fishing for a response, but I didn't give him the satisfaction of asking him to leave. If I ignored him long enough, he went away. It was a nice day out, at any rate. Warm. I'd forgotten what sunlight felt like.

We ended up ordering pizza for dinner. We sat at opposite ends of the table, facing each other. I stared at my plate. He stared at me, chewing slowly, the bulge in his cheek fluctuating as his jaw ground up and down. It was really annoying.

"Christ, what?" I snapped, my first bit of English all day.

"Nothing," he said defensively. "I was just thinking."

"And you have to stare at me to think?"

Arik rolled his eyes and pushed his chair away from the table. "Well, sor-rry!"

"You should be," I snapped nastily.

Arik groaned. "Would it kill you to act your age?"

"Possibly," I replied, and savagely tore into a piece of pizza like a wolverine. Harassing Arik was fun.

Arik made a face at my manners. "Well! You're on the ship now-no Mum or Dad. You don't have to act mad at the world to prove anything. Why don't you just lighten up?"

"Leave me alone, okay? I don't want to be here." I pushed the chair back and stood up, taking my Sprite and another slice of pizza to eat on the bow. Arik watched me go, his mouth thin and tight.

"I'm going to shower and turn in. Don't stay up too late�we've got business tomorrow," he called after me.

'Business' is so lame. We sailed a few hours south, docked, went into town, and then I waited for hours outside the office while Arik negotiated. It was insanely boring just sitting there, but luckily I had predicted this and had filched twenty bucks out of Arik's wallet. When it became apparent that 'business' was going to take more than forty-five minutes, I strolled down the street and meandered through a record store. I flipped through some vinyls and flirted with a girl so cute and emo, she was wearing scarves even though it was June. She liked my black-dyed hair, and I liked her black-dyed hair, and it could very nearly have been true love.

I was in the process of explaining how my eye had gotten injured in a really rowdy moshpit when a firm grip came down on my shoulders and whirled me around.

"There you are, buddy!" Arik declared, his bubbly voice cutting through the hipster-hardcore atmosphere as awkwardly as a teenybopper at a Marilyn Manson concert. "I've been looking all over for you! Sorry the meeting took so long, but I guess you weren't too bored, huh?"

My face was burning and the girl was sniggering. And that was the end of that adventure.

Later that night, Arik found out about the money I'd taken from his wallet. As you can imagine, he was not pleased.

"Harry, if you wanted money, you could have asked! I would have given it to you! Nobody likes a thief!"

I laughed. "Well, nobody likes me, period, so I don't have much to lose."

"Don't say things like that."

"You didn't deny it."

"�That's not fair!"

"Neither is life, as I've learned. You may as well shut up now and save your breath."

Arik made a pouting face. "Don't tell me to shut up! I'm ten years older than you!"

"And not a day more mature, apparently."

"Watch it, kid."

I sprawled out on the couch, my feet on the armrest. "Why? Are you going to hit me or something? Shake some sense into me like Dad would?"

"No, I'm not going to hit you. Bu I'm in charge here. I'm much older than you�I can discipline you if I need to!"

I laughed out loud. "I'd like to see you try, queer!"

That stunned him momentarily, and he stood in front of me, gaping. Then his eyebrows dove downwards, and he barked, "Just go take a shower and go to bed. I don't feel like dealing with you anymore."

"Join the club."

"Go shower."

I folded my arms and remained seated. Arik watched me for a minute, dragging the tip of his tongue along the perimeter of his mouth. "I said go take a shower."

"�and?"

"And�Harry, just-just do it!"

I waved my middle finger at him.

He grabbed at his hair and yelled in frustration. "Christ, no wonder Mum and Dad lost patience! Why are you being such a brat? You never used to be like this! What happened to the sweet little kid I grew up with?"

I rolled my eyes. "If you recall, we fought constantly when I was little."

"�That's not the point! Seriously, Harry, what's happened to you? Are you drinking?�do you do drugs?"

"Oh yeah!" I yelled, exploding. "Day and night, I'm fucking wasted and stoned out of my mind! Whiskey, vodka, pot, crack, LSD, you name it!"

Arik's eyes had gone enormous. "You're not serious�!"

"Of course I'm not serious!" I shrieked. "I've never touched a drop of beer or an ounce of pot in my life! Mum already had me fucking tested�do you need me to piss in another cup to prove it to you? Because apparently my word isn't enough!"

"All right, all right! If you say you're clean, I'll believe you."

"Though I'm sure the doctor's drug test helps!"

"Harry, can you blame them? Look how you've been acting! You're always sulking, your grades plummeted, you keep spazzing out on them and running off�you're nothing like you used to be! It's very suspicious! I knew kids who got into alcohol and shit when I was in high school, and I saw what it did to them�Mum and Dad are just being careful, you know."

"Uh huh."

Arik sighed. "Just go shower, please. I'm going to check something on the bridge, and I want to hear water running when I come back down, okay?"

For the sake of my pride, I waited until he had left the room to get up for the bathroom. But, I wondered as I started to take my shirt off, why was I obeying Arik anyway? He wasn't going to beat me up, and I had nothing to lose. Screw it. I'd live in my own filth for three weeks if it would piss him off.

I pulled my shirt back on, grabbed my coat, silently climbed down from the ship, and took off across the dock.

To be funny, I turned the shower on and left it running for Arik to hear.

next chapter...