By Marie Noire
Chapter Eight : Guilt
Remus was
waiting for Chantal in the dark hallway leading to both his and her
chambers. She could tell by his frown
that he was not in a happy mood… not that Remus ever was, really.
“Where
did you go? You missed the feast.” he
asked, his voice more gentle than his expression.
“I went…
to go find Severus.” She sighed, knowing there was no point in lying. “I wanted his opinion on the concert and he
left before I could get it from him.”
Remus
nodded and sighed. “Well… what did he
have to say?”
“He
liked it, if you can believe that.” She smiled a little. “I guess even Severus Snape has a little bit
of Christmas spirit in him.”
Remus’
eyes clouded over slightly before meeting hers. “Tally… when we were kids… you remember our very last term? When you and Severus started… you know…
getting close.”
“Remus…
I really don’t want to relive that part of our nostalgia... I’m tired.” She bit
her lip and tried to walk past him.
“Tally,
please… I just want to know… you didn’t really like him… did you?” he asked.
“Mon
dieu, Remus… are we back to being first years and worrying about who
‘likes’ who?” she tried to make light of it, but was shot down by Remus
pleading look.
“Tally… you
know Sirius was just looking out for you…”
“I don’t
want to talk about it, Remus.” She shook her head and shoved past him. “We were kids, we were stupid… end of
discussion. Good night.”
Luckily,
Remus did not chase after her this time and she was able to lock herself inside
of her own chambers without further comment.
She leaned back against the door, starting a cheery fire in the
fireplace without even thinking about it.
What a disaster of a night… and it had started out so
fantastically. Now all she could do was
think about that night long ago… after the seventh years had finished their
exams and had a farewell dance.
She
couldn’t help but laugh delightfully as Lily passed around the picture of
Chantal, polyjuiced into Sirius while still wearing her traditional skirt
ensemble. Sirius sputtered and chortled
until he was red in the face from embarrassment… Peter thought it was the best
thing since they invented the broomstick… James and Remus simply looked
relieved that she hadn’t turned into either of them. Finally, Lily gave in and turned the photograph over to Sirius
for “safekeeping”.
“You
are no fun, Sirius…that was a fantastic blackmail photo!” she mock-pouted from
within the safe confines of James’ arms.
“All
the more reason for me to burn the bloody thing.” He growled in a threat that
no one took seriously. Suddenly, he
perked up and smiled. “Hey… take a look
at who just showed up… the Snakes themselves…”
Tally
turned in the indicated direction to see a group of seventh year Slytherins
entering the great hall… Severus among them, although hanging in the back
somewhat. Without hesitation Tally left
her friends and scampered over to him with a bright smile. “Severus!
I didn’t think you would come to this thing… you said you hate dances.”
He
looked distinctly uncomfortable and kept glancing at the floor. “Yes, well… it is the last time we’ll all be
together… and I wanted to ask how you did on the Potions exam.”
“Oh,
do we have to talk about school? You
sound like a Ravenclaw, for Heaven’s sake.” She teased him lightly before
taking his hand. “Dance with me? Please?”
He
resisted. “What about your other friends? Don’t they dance?”
She
glanced back at them briefly before leaning in to whisper. “Peter can’t dance to save his life… James
and Lily will dominate each other’s dance cards… Sirius is more concerned with
several other pretty Gryffindors… and Remus has four left feet.”
A
slight smile tugged on his lips at the idea of Remus not being good at
something. “Well… then… I suppose if I
must, I must.” He sighed, looking for all of the world as though it were a
chore.
“You
must.” She nodded, taking his hands.
They
danced for a better part of the night, talking softly about trivial things like
the coming summer and what everyone else at the school was planning on
doing. Tally forgot about Sirius, who
she had left in a slightly fuming position… and about Remus, who kept shooting
her doleful looks from over Severus’ shoulder.
She was tired of having to defend her choice of tutor… and dared not
even think of how her dear friends would react to the idea that her feelings
for Severus were no longer of the platonic kind. The Slytherin boy who she had once thought of as skinny, awkward,
and greasy had grown as certainly as she had.
While he still remained slender of build, he was no longer “all arms and
legs”… the hooked nose now seemed aquiline and lent dignity to his countenance…
the dark eyes were deep and glittered with clear intelligence. Granted, he was not the traditional picture
of male beauty, no golden-haired Adonis… by her girlish eyes had come to adore
the eccentric features that made up Severus Snape.
She
smiled at him throughout the dance, unwittingly flirting with the former
enemy. To his credit, he rewarded her
unconscious efforts with soft words and small smiles that only she could
detect. His hands were warm in hers and
she found herself mildly enthralled with the scent of the potions classroom
that clung to his clothes. A shift in
the tempo of the music caused her to step closer to him, resting her head
against his shoulder and sliding her hands to rest on his back gently.
His
heartbeat was quick and heavy under her ear, matching her own as his hands
settled uncertainly at her waist. His
cheek pressed against the top of her head.
She began to hum along with the song, enjoying the simple pleasure of a
dance with a possible love.
Slytherin
and Gryffindor be damned.
“Chantal…”
he whispered, his voice deeper than usual.
“Hmm..?”
she sighed by way of reply.
“I…”
he paused. “Nothing… I only… wanted to
say your name.”
Her
brow furrowed, certainly he had meant to say something… but what had changed
his mind? The answer came quickly as
the sight of Sirius and James approaching swam into view. She parted from Severus quickly, unwilling
to have this conflict… not here, not now!
“Tally…
got a minute? Or do I need a snake on
my robe?” Sirius asked, eyeing Severus with obvious distaste.
She
narrowed her eyes at Sirius, but managed to maintain her innate fury. “Very funny, Sirius… Severus, do you
mind? I’ll be right back, I promise.”
Severus
only nodded, never lessening his glare in Sirius’ direction. Tally found herself being all but dragged
away by an equally infuriated Sirius, with James close behind. As soon as they were in a secluded area,
away from the professors and other students, Tally pulled away from Sirius
almost violently.
“What
is your problem, Sirius?” she demanded.
“My
problem is you dancing with that-that… snake!” Sirius growled in a manner more
becoming of Remus when the moon was full.
“You are finished with him now, Tally!
You don’t owe him anymore! You
already passed potions and you never have to speak to the slime-ball again!”
James
was wise enough to back away as Tally’s blue eyes seemed to glow white-hot with
her anger. “Damn it, Sirius! When will you get it into your head that I
am doing this because I want to?
Severus is not going to hurt me, no matter what you say to the
contrary. I like him! What is so wrong with liking a Slytherin
anyway?”
Sirius
was so incensed that he couldn’t speak, it was the calmer voice of James that
countered. “Tally… we all know that the
Slytherin House is known for putting out Dark wizards… it’s a fact. What if Snape is just trying to use you for
some evil purpose? I mean, he’s not
exactly the naturally helpful kind. We
just find it a little too convenient that all of the sudden he’s being so
buddy-buddy nice to you.”
He paused
while Tally chose to look at the flagstone floor. “And besides… do you have any idea how much this whole thing
bothers Remus?”
“Remus? From what I see, it’s you two who are
throwing fits about it?” Tally asked, although her tone was far more reasonable
now.
“You
know Moony… he’s too shy to say anything directly to you. But he’s really upset about you spending so
much time with Snape… time you used to spend with him?” Sirius grumbled.
Tally
bit her lip… indeed it had escaped her attention that she was neglecting her friendship with
Remus to a certain extent. “All right…
I see your point there. But just
because Snape is in Slytherin doesn’t mean he’s a Dark wizard… lots of
perfectly fine wizards have come out of Slytherin too.”
“Tally,
you have to admit that Snape does fit the bill…he’s pretty sour… not to mention
the fact that he’s always skulking around looking for something to report to
Dumbledore or McGonagall… I mean just being so mean is bad enough… but turning
in fellow schoolmates is just plain slimy.” Sirius protested in a low voice.
Tally
sighed… they were making far too many points.
The instances of kindness in her associations with Snape now looked
mildly sinister in this particular light.
What if her friends were right?
“Well…
it’s not like I was going to marry the fellow after all.” She shrugged. “I mean we’re graduating in a few days… then I’ll be off to Paris
after the summer holidays…I’ll just make my apologies to him and… what do you
all say we sneak down to Hogsmeade and get some butterbeers? Just for nostalgia? I’ll even go fetch Remus myself if it’ll
make you guys feel better.”
Sirius
heaved a great sigh of relief and James flashed a bright grin at her. “Great!
Glad to have you back, Tally!”
She
didn’t reply, but smiled as she steeled herself to go face Severus… she knew it
wasn’t likely to be pretty, but maybe she could soften the blow and avoid a
scene. She found Severus directly
beyond the doorway… a place she knew was within earshot.
He
didn’t even give her a chance to open her mouth. “So that’s it then, is it?” he sneered, his black eyes shooting
cold fire. “I use my valuable time to
help you in potions and this is how you repay me? So much for the honour of Gryffindor…”
“Severus…
I didn’t mean…” she stammered uneasily.
“Didn’t
mean what?” she growled suddenly.
“Didn’t mean one friendly thing you ever said to me? I believe it. What I can’t believe is why I was foolish enough to trust a
conniving little veela like you. Go
join your pathetic excuses for friends, Duquesne… I have more important things
to do than grovel for the attentions of a manipulative, lying tease.”
That
said, he stalked off, disappearing into the crowds before Chantal even had the
chance to go after him. She stood,
open-mouthed and pale. Oh god, what had
she done?
No… she
didn’t want to remember. It didn’t take
much in the way of detective work to figure out that Severus had heard every
word she and the boys had said. In
retrospect, her juvenile actions did seem spiteful and two-timing. One week she was smacking Sirius upside the
head for calling Severus a slime-ball… the next she was all but agreeing with
them. Poor Severus… she had treated him
with kindness before… well… because she had liked him. Then she had blown everything to bits with a
few hasty words spoken out of weariness.
James and Sirius had worn her down… and she did not want to lose them if
it came to that either.
The
choice she hadn’t wanted to make had been made for her. Severus had cut their fragile ties and
cauterised the ends so that they would never bind again. He had been efficient in his work. Over the intervening years, she had sent him
one or two owls, asking general questions of how he was getting on. When she heard of his trial over his alleged
connections to the Dark Lord, her heart had leapt into her throat with
anxiety. She was certain that only
Dumbledore’s intervention had saved the potions master from Azkabam. She never received any replies from him… not
that she expected any.
Seeing him
again at Hogwarts was both a dream and a nightmare come true. She had harboured childish hopes of
reconciling with him… but now that idea seemed a foolish one.
Briefly,
she wondered if she should accept Remus’ attentions. He had been her friend since they were eleven… he didn’t sneer or
bark sarcastic remarks at her… and he had to be one of the gentlest souls she
knew. So why couldn’t she see him a
romantic light? Simple… Remus was, for
all intents and purposes, her overprotective brother. She could clearly remember him being challenged to stick
chocolate frogs up his nose… and doing it.
Memories like that did not make for amorous conversation, after all.
She
sighed… just once, couldn’t life be simple?
On to Chapter Nine
(not yet available)