"FIREFIGHTER" BY RED TOP ROAD

Pardon me.
Pardon me, because I'm going to begin my first slackersnation.com review on a philosophical note rather than a musical note (please pardon the bad pun also). You see, in this world, in this life, there aren't many things I am sure of-not many at all. In fact, the number of things I am sure of is probably outweighed by the number of platinum, diamond-studded, DVD-player equipped, teeth in Master P's mouth.

I am sure of these things: Jennifer Love Hewitt is not saving herself for me. Eminem will be shot by some rabid teenage girl sporting an N'Sync shirt in some obscure alleyway (probably by the time you're done reading this). I have no clue how to review a CD. And last but, of course, not least, good music is damn hard to find.

Don't get me wrong. There's a lot of decent stuff out there. Sure, there's some stuff out there that will get your foot tapping in the car, or that will provoke a little head shimmy every now and then. Yeah, it's fun to listen to sometimes. But, that doesn't make it good music. I'm sure we've all had that moment in the car, listening to a decent song on the radio, bobbing and singing unconsciously when the song ends without us being unaware. Then the latest Spice Girl classic comes out. We're not paying attention, but for some reason, the foot-tapping and head-bobbing is just there. Then we hit a traffic light, realize what the hell we're doing, panic, and change the station faster than Madonna changes trends. Well, if that hasn't happen to you, my point has gotten completely lost, and I've made a monumental fool of myself. What I'm trying to say is that just because some music is listenable (basically the current garb), doesn't make it good.

What I've been trying to get to, but have been failing miserably, is that Red Top Road is good music. RTR doesn't need to depend on teenage frustrations and flood their songs with four-letter idioms to produce a diggable tune. No, these guys have talent.

It just requires listening to the first few chords of "Firefighter" to recognize that. It's a concoction of melodious feedback, twanging electric guitar, and youthful vocals that seizes you by the lobes sends some funky vibrations through to your brain, triggering nerves to shoot down to your fingers to keep pressing that repeat button. I'm no ace music reviewer or music connoisseur or anything like that, and I don't exactly know how to explain it, but there's something about "Firefighter" that's just mesmerizing. Maybe it's the guitar-the guitar that just oozes those semi-psychedelic chords throughout the song. Or maybe it's the vocal-it's not some overly exaggerated rapcore squeak or deep, crackling baritone. There's a certain appeal in that the lead singer sounds just like you, or me (okay, well not me), or your friends-but good. It's refreshing to hear a voice different from those of the practically interchangeable lead singers swarming the top 100.

Oh, but "Firefighter' is by far from where it ends. If need be, Red Top Road can get your sub woofer humming like a jet engine, as they demonstrate in "On Top of the World". Or they can get that extra tweak in your head bob, for those songs you really feel, like with "The Breaks". This amazing band covers the entire spectrum. You can mosh so hard to them you can almost guarantee yourself a trip to the emergency room and three to forty-five stitches in your head, or you can just chill in your room with your eyes closed and allow yourself to be sucked in by RTR.

So, now that I've talked about life, chicks, and Red Top Road, it's time to recap with Fader's Final FAQ! Please, hold your applause, shouts of approval, and ladies, please hold those panties you were about to throw until the end of the review.

FADER'S FINAL FAQ: Spend the Bucks? Simply. Yes. Buy the CD. Show all your friends. Say, "Hey, check out this band." And when they say, "Haven't heard of them." You say, "Just listen." And when they listen, and their eyes light up like a child who just gained access to Assfantasies.com, you know you'll have a friend for life for introducing them to Red Top Road.

Who do these guys remind you of? Hmm, well, once again, I don't know much of anything, and I don't really treat music like fine wine, tasting it for each and every nuance, but when I first heard RTR's songs, some bands came to mind. Listening to "Firefighter", Hum's "Stars" came to mind. And yes, that too was a kick ass song. As for the vocals, I was reminded of Pennywise's vocals, even though Pennywise plays a bit faster.

Fader, I'm a hot chick, where can I reach you? Well, I'm available at [email protected]. Please include pictures (sub(N)limi(U)nal me(D)ssa(E)ge) if possible.

How many Swift Kicks to the Ass � do you give Firefighter? Well, seeing how this is my first review, and I have to save some room should anything better come along (which might never happen, and this might very well remain the highest SKttA I ever give), I will give Firefighter;