The Big Anime Crossover
Where Fur Flies and People Get Hurt
Gundam Pilots: (piloting Gundams through space towards some unknown threat)
Trowa: . . . . . . (T: There's somthing on the radar screen!)
Quatre: I see it, too!
Heero: (sees oddly misshapen rabbit-type object appears on-screen) What the hell is it?
Oddly Misshapen Rabbit-Type Object: (lands on Wufei's Gundam) PPPIIIKKKAAACCCHHHUUU!!! (electrocutes Wufei)
Wufei: (bones lighting up) *Zzzzzzzz* Aaaauuuggghhh!!!
Duo: Dammit! It's another one of those dumb-ass rabbit/mouse things! (proceeds to slice the pikachu in 1/2 with scythe)
Heero: (sees bright flash of purple light) What the hell?!?!
Quatre: What is that?
Duo: I dunno. It looks like a portal to another dimension.
Quatre: (looks at the neon sign flashing above the portal) The sign says 'DO NOT ENTER OFF LIMITS'
Wufei: (twitching)
Duo: Let's go for it! Geronimo! (goes through portal)
(music playing)
We all live in a pokemon world.
I gotta be the greatest master of them all!
POKEMON!
Duo: What the fuck?!?! (Gundam disappears) *THUNK*
Ash: (runs up to Duo) Whoa! Who are you?
Brock: Hey, buddy, are you O.K.?
Misty: He's so cute! (throws Togepi in the nearest trash can) Are you hurt? My name's Misty.
Duo: Ass . . . in . . .pain.
Misty: (blinks)
Ash: (completely ignoring the situation) My name's Ash Ketchum, and I'm from Pallet Town. Someday, I'm gonna be the greatest pokemon master ever, so you better warch out if you're a pokemon trainer. Where are you from? What's your name?
Duo: (chokes and giggles) (to Misty) Did he just say "Ass Ketchup?"
Misty: (looks shocked for a moment, then snickers) No, silly, he's Ash Ketchum!
Ash: (glares suspiciously in Duo's and Misty's direction) You never answered my question.
Duo: Oh, . . . I'm Billy Bob Remus from . . . Ethiopia!
Brock: I'm Brock. Pleased to meet you . . . Remus. Uh, nice hair.
Duo: (snatches braid away from Misty) Give me that! Uh . . . yeah. So, where exactly am I?
Everyone: (blinking in confused silence)
Misty: You mean you don't know where you are?
Duo: That's what I just said, smart one.
Misty: (turns red)
Brock: Wow! Were you in a coma?
Duo: No! I was piloting my Gundam!
Ash: What's a Gundam? Is it a pokemon? What type is it? How did you capture it?
Duo: NO! Augh! Are you people stupid?!
Misty: (her famous temper starting to rise) Hey, wait just a minute! He just asked you some simple questions. The least you could do is answer them nicely! (4 other Gboys fall on her) WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!?
Heero: (putting bones back in place) *crack! pop!* Where the hell've you taken us, Duo?
Duo: (gritting teeth at the sound of snapping bones) Damned if I know. The sign said 'DO NOT ENTER', so whaddaya think the first thing I thought of was?
Heero: Yeah, right. Only you would think of that one. Who are these people?
Duo: Some weird-ass locals, I guess.
Heero: Figures.
Ash: I wonder where Pikachu ran off to?
Quatre: I hear sirens.
Officer Jenny: (pulls up in motorcycle with Pikachu and a Growlithe) You are under arrest!
Gboys: Why?!
Pikachu: Pika pika pika pi pikachu . . . (garbled pokemon language)
Duo: Damn! I thought I killed it! Quick, Heero, give me a gun!
Officer Jenny: You are causing a domestic disturbance.
Trowa: . . . . . . . . . . . .(T: But, there aren't any people out here except us.)
Brock: (drooling)
Misty: They weren't doing anything illegal, Officer. They did fall out of the sky, though.
Ash: Yeah, what she said.
Growlithe: (snarling at Trowa) Grrr.
Trowa: (glares at Growlithe) . (T: Go.)
Growlithe: (runs away at the full view of the unibang)
Heero: Duo, catch!
Duo: Thanks, man. (aims at Pikachu)
Quatre: (steals gun out of Duo's hand) Die, pokemon bitch! (shoots Pikachu)
Pikachu/bloody mass of fur: Pi . . . ka . . . ch (goes into cardiac arrest)
Duo: It's always the quiet ones.
Misty: Oh, my goodness! Pikachu! Get them, Officer Jenny! Give them the death penalty! I knew you were trouble!
Ash: (crying uncontrollably) Pikachu, NO! We've gotta get Pikachu to a pokemon center!
** Author's Note**
Don't you think it's funny how they never really establish whether Pikachu is a boy or a girl? Misty also seems to always say the corniest things in a bad situation. Continue.
Wufei: Step aside, woman. You aren't taking me anywhere, especially not while you are wearing such retarded shoes.
Officer Jenny: (grabs Wufei's hand) You are under arrest!
Wufei: (squealing) Let go of my hand! Eeewww! I've got COOTIES! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! (runs around in circles screaming for a few minutes)
Heero: I could beat your ass with my hands tied behind my back.
Officer Jenny: (blows her whistle 18 more Officer Jennies pull up)
Brock: (laying in a puddle of his own drool)
All Officer Jennies: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!
Gboys: (in jail)
Duo: (writing phone numbers off the wall on his arm) OK . . .that's 12 . . . 13. Hey, guys, I've got 14 numbers now!
Heero: I really don't care, Duo.
Quatre: We've got to get out of here.
Heero: Quatre, can you do something other than state the blatantly obvious?
Quatre: (shuts up)
Wufei: (to Quatre) You got us in this mess in the first place.
Quatre: No, I didn't. Duo did, remember?
Duo: Huh? Hey, you guys didn't have to follow me.
Trowa: (sitting on a bunk in silence)
Heero: (hears a door shut pulls out a gun)
Quatre: Someone's coming! Shhh!
Heero: (glares at Quatre)
Duo: How many guns do you HAVE?
Officer Jenny: (points to Quatre) You, the psycho one! You have a phone call! (opens the door to let him out) Second door on the right.
Quatre: (walks confusedly out the door)
Heero: (knocks Officer Jenny out with his gun) Now we can get out of here.
Wufei: Why don't you just kill her? She's a woman, and she's weak.
Heero: A gun makes a loud noise, doesn't it, Wufie? There are also about 18 other of these people in the next room waiting to kick our ass.
Wufei: Don't call me Wufie.
Quatre: (on the phone) Okay, okay, Mr. Ketchup . . . Oops . . . Mr. Ketchum! I'm sorry about your pikachu.
Ash: Oh, and %$&# you!
Quatre: (hangs up the phone) Well, that was odd.
Duo: Psst! Quatre, c'mon, we're leaving! Hurry!
Quatre: (grabs a mint out of the candy dish by the phone) I'm coming, I'm coming!
Gboys: (sneaking Pink Panther style) Dadum-dadum-dadum-dadum-dadum-doodum-deedum- beebodoobop!
Duo: (sees a sign that says EXIT) Hey, over here. (opens door and walks through)
Cardcaptors! A mystic adventure! Cardcaptors! A quest for all time! Cardcaptors! CARDCAPTORS!
Heero: God dammit, Duo! You did it again. Next time, I'm leading.
Duo: Fine, whatever.
Quatre: Look over there! (sees strangely shaped elf-type person) What is that?
Sakura: Glittery Pink Nail Polish Card, return to your power confines! Glittery Pink Nail Polsh Card! (captures card) Wow! That was a hard one!
Kero: (eating stolen KFC) Yeah, I almost got caught!
Madison: That was great! I got it all on video!
Li: Hmph.
Gboys: (walking over)
Madison: Hey, who're they? Wait a minute, the blonde one's kinda cute. *wink* (points camera at Gboys)
Mei-lin: Hey, it's my turn to say something! I've got the most money!
Madison: No, you don't. (grins evilly)
Sakura: Go to hell, Mei-lin.
Duo: (to Heero) She'd get along real well with Relena.
Heero: (snorts)
Madison: (walking over to Wufei) So, who are you? Where did you come from? You look strange.
Sakura: (to Trowa) You have GOT to show me how to do my hair like that!
Heero: We came from OW! (gets elbowed in the side by Duo)
Duo: America, the good ol' US of A!
Cardcaptors: COOL! What's it like there? What's in style there? Is it legal to kill someone there? Are there any Clow Cards there? Are there any Cardcaptors there! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!
Heero: Good work, Duo. You really convinced them. You're the American. YOU handle this.
Duo: Uh . . . Okay, watch and learn. (to Cardcaptors) America is almost exactly like Japan, okay?
Cardcaptors: (all look at Duo like he's an idiot)
Heero: Hmph.
Li: Hmph.
Duo: Whoa! Did you see that?
Quatre: What?
Duo: What they just did!
Duo: Heero and that little kid over there. *chuckle* It's LITTLE HEERO!
Heero & Li: (blinking) Hmph.
Duo: (hysterically laughing) See!? (to Li) What's your name?
Li: Hmph.
Sakura: It's Li.
Duo: Then, I hereby dub thee Liro! (taps his braid on his shoulders)
Heero: What the hell?! Duo, we can't have a "Liro."
Wufei: Yeah, we've already got one suicidal moron, and you have to save his ass all the time. Two is too many.
Heero: Hmph.
Li(ro): Hmph.
Sakura: (looking from side to side) Whoa! You're right!
Madison: Great! I got it!
Duo: You know, little girl, you're a weirdo.
Heero: Look who's talking.
Madison: (giggles anyway) I'm Madison.
Heero: (to Sakura) So, what were you doing, anyway?
Sakura: I was capturing a card. I'm Sakura Avalon, a cardcaptor!
Heero: . . .I . . . gathered that. I mean, what was that thing and where did it come from?
Sakura: You mean you're not a cardcaptor, too? Omigosh! Where did you come from, then?
Heero: We already told you! Weren't you listening, and whatever gave you the idea we were Cardcaptors? We're from . . . Canada!
Duo: (to Heero) Uh . . . We're suposed to be from the 'States.
Cardcaptors: (blinking in confused silence)
Everyone: . . . (more silence)
Trowa: . . . . . . .( T: They're being quieter than me.)
Heero: Shut up, Trowa!
Cardcaptors: O_o
Trowa: . . . . . (Bite my ass, Heero!)
Madison: (to Sakura) Why does he keep yelling at the guy who doesn't talk?
Sakura: I don't know. Just smile and nod.
Madison and Sakura: (smiling and nodding)
Kero: (to Duo) Hey, want some chicken?
Duo: (reaching into the bucket) Hell, yeah! You are one cool little stuffed animal!
Kero: (grinning evilly) I know. Hey, it's not past Sakura's bedtime, yet. Let's go back to her house and see if her dad made anything to eat while we were gone.
Mei-Lin: (mumbling to herself) They're not from Canada OR America. I'll get them all . . .
Sakura's Dad: (taking pastries out of the oven) Muffins, anyone?
Everyone: (stampeding like a herd of wild water buffalo towards the snacks) I want that one! No, I saw that one first! Get your finger out of my nose! Oooh, banana nut!
* 10 Minutes Later *
Everyone: (in Sakura's room munching on muffins)
Quatre: (sitting on the desk eating a banana nut muffin) Wow! These are delicious!
Mei-Lin: (plotting revenge with her blueberry muffin in the corner) Then I'll hang her upside down in a fish tank . . .
Trowa: (eating a poppy seed muffin) . . . . . .
Sakura: (trading Madison) Thanks!
Heero: (not eating a muffin) I want tofu.
Duo: (laying upside down on the bookcase dangling his braid over the side and eating a fudge chocolate chip muffin) *singing* Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man?
Wufei: (playing with the Book of Clow) Hee, hee, hee, pwitty!
Trowa: O_o *sweatdrop*
Kero: (playing Super Mario World on Sakura's Super) I'm gonna get ya, Bowser! Just you wait! Muahahahahahaha!
Trowa: o_O *sweatdrop*
Heero: I want tofu!
Trowa: >_<
Kero: (looking up from game and talking to Heero) So, where are you guys really from? I know you're not from America or Canada. Well, maybe the braided one is, but that's beside the point. Who are you?
Mei-Lin: (spacing out)
Sakura: (snickering and putting a booger on Mei-Lin's unfinished muffin)
Heero: Well, actually . . .
Madison: Hold that thought! (runs to get her video camera from the table downstairs) Okay, you can go now.
Heero: =_= Uh, . . . anyway . . . um . . . No, we're not from Canada.
Mei-Lin: (coming out of her "zone") I knew it! I knew it! I know EVERYTHING! Muahahahaha!
Everyone else: O_o *many sweatdrops*
Heero: We're from . . . space.
Everyone not a Gboy: Oooooooh! . . . SPACE INVADERS! Aauugghh!
Heero: Shut up, all of you! You all need to be shot witha tranq gun!
Kero: (to Heero) You know, kid, I believe you. So, what are you doing here?
Heero: Who are you calling kid?
Kero: I'm around 500 years old, KID.
Heero: . . . Oh. Well, genius over there (points to Duo) went throught this portal and we ended up in some place called Pallet Town, or something. Then, we got arrested for creating a domestic disturbance by about 20 girls that look the same called Officer Jenny. After we escaped jail, we ended up here. (takes a deep breath) Wheeew.
Duo: (eating instant coffee and playing Everquest) Caw! Caw!
Kero: Hmmm. Well, that was . . . interesting. So you don't really know how you got from place to place?
Heero: No.
Kero: I wonder if it could be a Clow Card that's causing all of this.
Li: How can we be sure that they're telling us the truth? (looks at the Gboys suspiciously)
Heero: You can't. You have to TRUST us! (rain starts immediately pouring down outside)
Wufei: (trying on one of Sakura's pink CC costumes)
Duo: (coming out of his coffee-induced computer trance) Hey, what's wrong with Wufei? He's acting like a five-year-old little girl.
Everyone: O_o
Madison: You know, this would make a very interesting soap opera.
Trowa: (asleep)
Kero: (kicking some Bowser-ass) Yeah!
Sakura and Madison: (in the corner trying to get Mei-Lin to snort Pixie Stix) Try it, Mei-Lin, it's cool.
Duo: (to Quatre) What's that creepy little girl doing?
Quatre: Which one?
Duo: Good point. I think they're sniffing Pixie Stix. I want some!
Heero: I want tofu.
Kero: There's some in the fridge.
Heero: (goes downstairs to get some)
Li: (goes with him)
Kero: So, we need to help you get home.
Quatre: That would be nice.
* 1 Hour Later *
Heero: (fighting with Li over the last container of tofu) It's mine, you little brat!
Li: Grrr. >_< No, it's mine! Go to hell!
Wufei: (sneaking towards the computer and jar of coffee) Shiny . . . pretty.
Duo: (growls) Back off, Barbie!
Quatre: (watching Indiana Jones) COOL!
Kero: (to Trowa) So, all we need to do is find another portal that leads back to the colonies, right?
Trowa: . . . . . . . . . . (T:Yes, but I don't know how to do that, yet.)
Wufei: (singing) You make me feel . . .
Mei-Lin: (looking out the window) There's a big, glowing purple thing outside! Is it a portal?
Gboys: (plaster themselves against the window)
Quatre: Do you hear something coming from the portal? It sounds like a voice.
Voice: HHHEEEEEERRROOO!!!
Heero: NNNOOO!!! (runs and hides in the closet)
Other Gboys: (all follow Heero into the closet) Aaahh!