| My Thoughts and Daily Updates |
| April 2 2001, 10:09 PM: Another long weary day in this boring town...which is sort of like a song by Less Than Jake. Actually, some good stuff did happen today. Matt Sabo made me a mix tape, it's fantabulous. Side A: Belle & Sebastian. Side B: Lots of awesome random punk/emo/indie stuff, like The Get Up Kids and Alkaline Trio and stuff like that. It's my new favorite thing to listen to. Hopefully eventually I can return the favor, but he'll probably hate everything I put on there. Ah well, I'll try my best. I'm already thinking about what to put on there...god, I love music. In other news, I'm feeling a bit depressed. The person that I really like is going to the prom with another chick. Ouch, that hurts. And I'm even starting to think there might be some good vibes coming back my way. Hey, who knows what could happen. I'm a little apprehensive to make the first move in this situation, after all, he's a good friend and I don't want to mess that up. Maybe I'll ask him to do something over Spring Break. In a related story, lately I've been feeling really really horny. What can I say? I've actually been seriously considering sex, of course, with no one to have it with, I'm left frustrated. Grrr! Now I have Add It Up by The Violent Femmes in my head..."Why can't I get just one fuck?" Oh my lord, I am a messed up individual. Another problem...Kaylan is making me go to the prom, and I have no one to go with, since above person is taken. And my best friend Eric is probably going with some girl who already graduated. Perhaps I can get Ben Zipf to ask me. He's quite fashionable, and cool to hang out with. I'll have to do some research on this... Keep it real, folks. |
| April 7, 2001, 8:40 PM: And, here we are. Saturday night, and I'm sitting at home in front of the computer. Boy, is my life sad. Actually, I just came back from a lucious dinner at Applebee's with Mom, Essy, & Co. Mozzarella sticks, veggie quesadilla, and a low-fat brownie sundae. Yum. Actually, what was cool about tonight was that I found out what my birthday present is from the Clemens crew...Essy and me are going to see the Rocky Horror Show on Broadway! We'll be steppin out in full regalia. Which should intrigue the people on the train ride over. Screw em. Also, (I know it's quick) I'm going out with Matt Sabo. I guess the whole thing started at the cast party for West Side Story. I hung out with him pretty much the whole time, and I started regarding him as a really good friend. Then Wednesday it was absolutely gorgeous outside, so I went for a walk and met him downtown. We sat on the bench by Lucca's and talked for 2 1/2 hours, about music, broken umbrellas, Diet Coke, and Delia's shirts. And then he asked me to go to the coffeehouse at the BIL on Friday. And of course I said yes, thinking it would be a "friend" outing that would help move things along between us. Of course, then, Thursday rolled around... I won't tell you exactly what he said, (he'd probably be embarrassed) but pretty much he apologized for things not working out the first time around, and asked me out, and we ended up kissing in the middle of Grove Ave. And last night, we went to see the Killer Blues Band with Amy and Colin. The band was good, even though they have a really bad name, and their bassist looks like an anorexic Frank Zappa, and their keyboardist is INSANE. Afterwards, we went to Lucca's (where else?) and I sang Under 21 with Sarah Sterling and this guy I just met. And it was all in all an awesome time. The planets must be aligned, because for the first time in a while, Kaylan and I are both happy in our relationships. And to make it even better, we're both happy with the other's boyfriend. Like we agreed, our dreams have come true: we're both dating gay singer/actors who have VERY original styles and personalities. Plus they get along with each other! Thank you God! Hopefully this'll last for a while. Viva La Diet Coke! |
| May 7, 2001, 10:45 PM: It's been a while since I've written....a month, to be exact. But I really needed to get this sadness out my system. Today was not a good day. Why is it that every time I get close enough to someone to really believe they were sent to be my adopted big brother, they end up leaving my life forever? This has happened to me on three occasions. First of all, my counselor Rob from Sig 99. He taught me a lot about music, relationships, and just plain being yourself. And as soon as SIG ended, I never heard from him again. Then, there was Josh. OK, so Josh and I still keep in touch, but it's not like I see him often enough to still consider him a true brother. He still does help me out with all my daily trials and tribulations though. And then there was Andy, one of my bosses at work. Andy started out as just the "cool boss" who was more laid back than the others, and was unique and a vegetarian and collected crystals. And then I got to know him. He loves really awesome music (pretty much anything good), he lives in Jersey City, my birthplace, and he's really good to talk to. I've shared my stories about my dad's sickness and my friend's depression, and my own struggles in school, and he's helped me out with every problem. He even told me once he considered me his little sister...an honor I don't feel I deserve, but am thrilled to have. If there's anything I want the most in the world, it's someone to call my older brother, who actually fills the role. And I thought I found him. And then today Andy left. He's been under a lot of stress lately, so he decided to quit Score. I can't say I blame him - it's one of the toughest places to work and still stay sane. Today was his last day. I said goodbye, gave him a present (a crystal that's got some important personal memories attached to it) and he gave me a hug. And this is what he said - "I'm going to miss you so much, please don't let anyone ever hurt you. It's good to know there's people like you in the world." WHY DID HE HAVE TO LEAVE??? No one's ever said anything like that to me, that convinced me more that SOMEONE out there really, truly, cares about my existence. And that one person is stepping out of my life. I'm not left totally without something to hold on to. Andy gave me his phone number, and some addresses of good rock stores. And a promise to come back and visit, and bring care packages of crystals, Grateful Dead tapes, and good vegetarian food. I cannot wait to see him again. Wherever you are, Andy, I love you, and thanks for caring. |
| June 10, 2002 12:47 AM: Here I am again, neglecting my duties as a web page owner. Ah well, no one reads it anyway. Lots has happened since the last time I wrote, so I'll try to think of everything. First of all, I had my sweet 16 party. What. A. Blast. I had an awesome time, I think everyone else enjoyed themselves, and it made me feel really really loved. For the first time in my life, I really saw how well my friends know me and how much they care. Oh, and I also figured out that my dad needs to CHILL OUT. I thought his veins were going to explode that whole party. He was so mad at pretty much every guy there. He seriously needs to accept that I'm mature enough to date guys, and talk to guys, and invite guys to my party. OK, I know he cares about me and is trying to protect me, but I think I deserve some freedom. I'm the one person that WON'T do all the crazy "bad" stuff everyone else does. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I'm not even going out with anyone. Yet I'm the one kept under lock and key. Anyway, the next week was the prom. I went with Ben Zipf, he looked positively fashionable. The limo was cool, with our driver Greg. The actual dance wasn't fantastic, considering it was a school sponsored event, but I did have a good time shakin my booty with Christine and Nigel himself. I broke up with Matt. I don't have much to say about that (which is a pretty good summary of our whole relationship). The first couple of weeks were great...and then it just died. And it dragged on. I'm upset and depressed, but mostly because I feel desperately unloved and lonely. And I'm afraid a friend of mine is going to try to make advances that I really don't want. As a rule, I always have someone there to rebound with, but this time that doesn't seem to be happening. There's someone I've been considering for some time, but distance, schedule, and lack of communication are all negative factors in that case. I don't think anything will really happen there. Oh yeah, my uncle Paul eloped with the beautiful H. Can't say I'm surprised...it's a very Paul thing to do. I'm proud of him, I know he wanted this, but without the crazy expensive wedding. So he ran off to Colorado with Heidi, my grandma, and my uncle, and just did it. Kudos to the Man. Dave Matthews is tomorrow. Can't say I'm not excited, even if I'm not the biggest fan in the world. It'll definitely be a show. And on the plus side, I'll get to throw things at Macy Gray. I've waited all my life for this. I'm out like a deaf kid in Musical Chairs. Keep it cool. |
| July 28, 2001 10:23 AM: First of all ~ an apology to all the people who actually do read this who have felt neglected lately. It really isn't my fault! I swear! My computer was being stupid for a good month. But it's all fixed now, so updates should come more and more often. So, you ask, what have you been doing with your summer? Answer: not much. Some exciting things that happened...hmmm...I went to see Dave Matthews on June 10th. It was an amazing show. The whole time it was threatening to rain, but it held off until Dave started singing The Space Between. "Will it rain today?" and the sky just opened up and POURED. And then Dave came on for his encore and sang Two Step, adding in "Let it rain!" ever couple of lines. Everyone was dancing and getting soaked and it was absolutely fantastic. On July 13, I went with my friend Erinn to see The Music Man on Broadway starring Eric McCormack from Will and Grace. We had great seats, at one point we were about 10 feet from Eric. But the best thing about our seats was that sitting across the aisle from us was...Regis Philbin. Yeah "Is that your final answer?" and all that jazz. So during intermission we mosied on over and said hi and shook his hand, and he was really nice. And exactly like he is on the show. The whole accent and mannerisms and everything. And then after the show, we noticed a line of people waiting next to the stage door. So we thought we'd wait with them. And after about 15 minutes, Eric in all his glory came out, looking like he had helped himself to the W & G wardrobe. But he gave us autographs, and gave Erinn a hug and a kiss (I'm jealous) and I informed him (I felt very special) that Regis was in the audience. And he didn't know! So Eric McCormack gained information from me. Wow. I'm star-struck. On the 20th, Kaylan, John Franchak, Andrea and I went to the Paul Simon/Brian Wilson show at PNC. We had lawn seats, not that great, but there are huge screens everywhere, so it didn't matter too much. Brian Wilson had a very good band, but he was (and I hate to say this, really I do) really, really pathetic. You could tell that the guy had serious mental problems in his past. He said "Here's a song to make you smile," twice, and kept making mime gestures with his hands (like acting out a chandelier dropping on his head). It was kind of amusing, as horrible as that sounds. But his band was top rate and had a great male vocalist doing the high parts, so hearing some Beach Boys tunes wasn't all bad. And then...here comes Rhymin' Simon...cos he's the best....totally! Sorry, SNL moment. We all had a bet going about what color hat Paul would have. Kaylan:Blue, Me:Red, John:Tan, Andrea:Purple. Unfortunately we all lost, because he came out looking much like Tony Soprano, with a black wifebeater (!), a red shirt over it, and a black hat. Ah well. The concert was phenomenal, of course, the best numbers being the ones from Graceland, in my personal opinion. His huge band really showed it's stuff on those. Probably my favorite song that he did, that he didn't play at the show I went to in December, was Loves Me Like A Rock, with some members of his band filling in for the gospel choir. It sounded extremely classy. (I'm running out of adjectives) All in all, quite an enjoyable night. I stayed with my cousin Brian for a couple days this week. We watched Rushmore and MTV2, listened to Weezer and the Police, ate at a really fabulous restaurant, and bought a very heavy bamboo wall hanging that resembled a large windchime. We did other stuff too, but that's what I remember). He's going to the Radiohead show at Liberty State Park, and I am unbelievably jealous. I would be going, if it wasn't for band camp...grr. Maybe I'll tell him to get me a T-shirt. Yesterday was bunches of fun...sorry that was a bad joke. Christine and I were talking about Donovan and the song Mellow Yellow and how it's about smoking banana peels. So, being two bored teenagers with nothing to do, we decided to try it. We went to Stop & Shop and bought bananas, and headed to my house to consult the Anarchist's Cookbook. Unfortunately, we then discovered that we needed 15 pounds of bananas in order for it to work. And we had about 5 bananas. Damn. So instead, we did the next best thing: made bread. It came out quite good, if I say so myself. And then I had to go to dinner with my dad, where I was informed that I was being forced to work as an intern on the floor of the Stock Exchange next summer. The one thing I vowed to myself I would never do. But we'll see how many blue-haired interns they want, the bastards. Tonight is BNL. They're gonna blow the roof off the sucka. Hope I survive. Details later. |
| August 30, 2001 12:16 AM: Hallo everyone. I am a bluehead. Yay. I dyed my hair blue a couple of weeks ago, and I have no regrets. Being a bluehead has given me a really different view of everything. Suddenly, I'm considered an evil person by many before they ever speak to me. Usually this is older people, but some teenagers avoid me as well. No matter. My real friends stick by me no matter what my hair color. My cousin Brian went to the Radiohead concert 2 weeks ago. He said it was the most amazing show he's ever been to. And he's seen At The Drive-In and Fugazi in concert. I wish I could have gone. The Beta Band opened. They're mentioned in the movie High Fidelity. John Cusack says "I will now sell 5 copies of the Beta Band's Three EPs." and puts them on. They're quite an excellent band. I'm so jealous of Brian. Ah well. I saw Ringo Starr and his All-Starr Band in concert. Not quite Radiohead, but it was still great to see a Beatle. And he was in really good shape! Dancing around, drumming like a crazy man, fantastic. And his band was really cool, the guy from Mott The Hoople was there, and that guy who sings that "Logical, cynical, intellectual, quizzical" song they play on Q104 all the time, and Sheila E. I'm going to see Ben Folds on September 13th, and possibly Smash mouth a little later on. Band camp was bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Some of the freshmen are actually kinda cool. But the inimitable Mr. Ro is leaving us (at least in school), which is pretty depressing. And I already miss the seniors. Billyplantz, Christine, Ben, John, John, DeWitt, Jeanette, Dave and everyone else, I MISS YOU! and I hope college is treating you good. OK, everybody. This is an ORDER. And I mean it. Run, do not walk, sprint in fact, to the nearest movie theater and go see Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back. I don't care if you've never seen the other Kevin Smith movies, it doesn't matter. I can't remember the last time I've laughed so hard at a movie. Kevin Smith makes me proud of my state. "Jersey reprezent!!" Go. Now. Goodbye everyone, and see you in school. Have you done your pageant paper? I haven't. Good, we're all on the same page. |