| 40. In Need Two Years Later� August 11, 2004 6:57 am Paul got that feeling again. That same one he�d felt before concerts, the same one that he�d felt before proposing to Meg, only his nervousness was overshadowed by fear. She�d been so sick the last few days. Always in pain, always nauseated. She was trying not to face the inevitable, but it hadn�t worked. She couldn�t beat the cancer. Paul watched the doors to the emergency room shut and tried to see her through the small windows in them. It had been minutes before when he�d waken up, leaned over to kiss her lips, only to discover no breath parting them. As a nurse pulled him away from the ER, he found it hard to breathe. He quickly sat down before his legs gave out, burying his head in his hands, sobbing. Meg�s dying�my only one, dying. Why her, God? Why Meg? She�s tried her hardest to serve You with everything she has. She�s a good person, she doesn�t deserve this! When Paul realized that he hadn�t thought to ask God to heal Meg instead of screaming at Him, he stopped his silent dispute. I need her, God�You brought us together, don�t tear us apart. Please, heal her. I need her. But I can�t be selfish. I have to give her up, if it�s Your will. But please, help me say goodbye� 41. The Light 6:59 am She was floating in a cool black sensation. A soft voice beckoned to her, welcoming her. A tiny light pierced the darkness and drew nearer to her. I need her, God�don�t tear us apart. It was Paul, the second voice. �Are you ready, Meghan?� the first voice asked. 42. Goodbye 7:12 am �Mr. Sterling?� Paul quickly stood up. �Yes?� �My name is Dr. Underwood.� He extended his hand and Paul shook it. �This is extremely hard to say, but your wife doesn�t have much time left.� He paused. �The last option is emergency surgery to try and remove the rest of the cancer, which, although risky, may buy her some time. Do you want us to proceed?� Paul nodded. �Yeah.� He swallowed back tears. �Can I say goodbye first, if something goes wrong?� He nodded and led Paul to the ER, where a nurse had turned on a radio. He could have broken down the minute he walked in. She was so beautiful, even now in her darkest hour. "One day I'll fly away..." Everyone loved her, they adored her. But it was him who needed her. "...leave all this to yesterday..." He was selfish for wishing he could hold onto her, but she couldn't hold onto him, even as much as he longed to keep her. "...what more could your love do for me..." He had been given his time with her, and he only wished it could be enough, but even angels must go back home. ��when will love be through with me�� Though his angel couldn't linger, she instead gave him something to believe in; love. But what good was loving without her? "...why live life from dream to dream..." That was the reality he dwelled in. She would be gone, his angel, his only one�gone. "...and dread the day when dreaming ends?" He kissed her forehead and whispered, �If there were words I could say to take all of this away from you, I�d say them over and over again. But I know none. And even though it hurts me to see you go, you�ve made me the happiest man on earth, Meg. I love you, and I always will. If you can�t hold on anymore, just let go and I won�t stop you. I refuse to be selfish. Fly away, if you can�t go on.� He stood up and kissed her forehead, then her hand. �I love you.� He quickly hurried out of the room, knowing that lingering would break his heart. |