| 12. Holding Back 6:02 am �Seth, where�s Chad?� Seth Allen, the dark-haired Grecian drummer from Meg�s band didn�t look up from the television screen. �I don�t know. I think he�s talking to Christina on her bus.� �Oh.� Paul sighed and walked off the bus, as it had finally stopped to fill up with gas to make it to Portland in time for the show that day. It was six a.m. and Paul was getting antsy. Outside, the sun was barely touching the horizon and its rays scattered about the land in small patches where shadow could not linger. He walked to the back of the bus and sat on the bumper, enjoying the cool morning air and momentary serenity. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned over, sighing. He couldn�t get over the void in his life since she�d been gone, even though it had only been five days. Fortunately, the tour would be over on Monday and then they would start her headlining tour a month after that. He anticipated his life getting back to normal, but more, he anticipated seeing her again. But she�s got a boyfriend and she�s happy. I just wish Chad would pay some attention to her. He hasn�t called her in three days and he knows it. He�s been spending more time with Christina�I just hope he doesn�t do something he�ll regret. I�m still more concerned about Meg. I haven�t heard from her in a while and that�s not normal. I�ll see her tomorrow afternoon, so I�ll see what�s up then. I wonder what�s up with Rob, though. I guess he�s just stressed out from not having someone to worry about all the time. That�s probably why he�s been off doing his own thing all the time. He�s on his cell phone a lot, too. I�m sure he�s talked to Meg recently. Paul sighed and cupped his head in his hands. He found himself ready for the tour to end and life to be normal again�or at least to have Meg around again. �What�s up, Paul?� a familiar voice asked cheerfully. He looked up�it was Chad. He frowned. �Nothing much.� �Why so glum then?� he wondered, sitting next to him on the bumper. �Why aren�t you?� he sneered. �Why would I be?� �Think about it, Chad. Your girlfriend is in the hospital and you�re off with Christina all the time and it hurts me for her to have to put up with you.� Chad stood up, saying, �Wait a second! First of all, there is nothing going on with me and Christina and second I miss Meg as much as anyone else does, so do not get on my case!� �Then why don�t you pay her some attention?� Paul asked angrily. Chad frowned, obviously intimidated. �What�s that supposed to mean?� Paul stood up and lowered his voice. �You haven�t returned her calls. You don�t know how horrible it must be for her to be locked up in a hospital and not knowing how your health is. She needs you right now, man.� He looked away. �Well I don�t need her.� He began to walk away. Paul stopped him. �What�s your problem, Chad?� Chad looked annoyed. �Listen, Paul. I don�t need a girlfriend who I can�t be with. I can�t do that. You know me. I need something tangible, you know?� He started walking toward the convenience store nearby. �So was it all about her body?� He stopped. �Dang it, Paul, don�t try and make me the bad guy just because I don�t call my girlfriend.� Paul sighed. �Listen, I�m not trying to convict you or anything, it�s just that�Meg really needs to know that someone loves her and cares about her.� Chad rolled his eyes, �Whatever, man,� and was soon in the convenience store. Paul was devastated. So it�s just a physical thing. What�s he gonna do tomorrow? Act like nothing�s wrong? I�m going to be tempted to say something, but I can�t, for her sake. She thinks he loves her and that�s good enough for her. I won�t say anything. �Hey Paul!� He turned around to see Christina approaching him. �Hey.� �Where�s Chad?� �In the store.� �Oh.� She studied him for a minute. �Talk to me, Paul.� He looked up. �Nothing.� �Oh please,� she said, rolling her eyes. �Pop a squat.� They sat on the bumper of the bus as she said, �What�s up?� �Nothing, really,� he lied. �Do you miss her?� �Don�t we all?� �Of course!� She smiled. �Listen, if you think they�re something going on with Chad, don�t worry about it. He�s just as worried about her as anyone else, he�s just handling it differently.� �Yeah.� She sighed. �Hey, I need give Chad something he left on my bus. Where�s his bunk at?� �It�s the middle one on the left.� �Okay, thanks.� Soon enough, she was gone. She�s oblivious. Chad is using her to �handle it�. He makes me sick. After a moment of fuming silently, he felt the bus start up again and, after running into Christina, was back on the bus and headed back toward his bunk to go back to sleep until they reached Ohio. He climbed up to his bunk just opposite Chad�s. On his pillow lay a note and a shirt. Weird. He picked up the note first. |
| Chad, You left this on the bus�better watch out or we might get caught. � Meet me in my dressing room before the show, and play it safe alright? This is the last time we�ll be together for two days while you�re with her. Lets make it good. -Xtina |
| Paul was disgusted. She must have thought this was his bunk and put it here. She probably can�t tell left from right anyway. He threw the note and shirt on Chad�s bed, nauseated. They�re stupid to think they�re fooling anyone. He felt for his cell phone in his back pocket. He had Meg�s hospital room number dialed and had almost pressed �Send� when something stopped him. He sighed and lay on his back, contemplating if he should tell Meg. Still, his subconscious told him other wise, and unwillingly, he cleared the number and rolled over to sleep. |