Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and all the characters. I'm just playing with them.
Copyright rebel_jediknight, October 2000.
Pleeeaaase email me at [email protected] and tell me how I'm doing!!!!!
Dedicated to Bec and Coral for always being supportive about everything, betaing, and just being really great friends!
"You're leaving." It wasn't a question but a statement.
"Yes," Chakotay acknowledged. "I've resigned my commission."
Kathryn nodded. "Where to?"
Her first officer and best friend sighed. "I'm going to go home, find out what happened to my friends, the rest of the Maquis..." He laughed wryly. "Everyone I knew, basically."
"When are you leaving?"
"Later today, tomorrow maybe. As soon as I can get the travel arrangements sorted out."
"We've just got home, debriefings ended yesterday... at least wait a few days before you leave..."
"Why? There's nothing for me here." Suddenly intense, he took a step towards her. "Come with me, Kathryn."
"What?!" she asked, incredulous.
"Come with me to Dorvan. We'll get married, start a life together... do what we could never do on Voyager."
"What about Starfleet? My career, my responsibilites?"
"What about them? You were Starfleet through and through for seven years. They'll understand if you ask for extended leave! Please, come with me."
"I can't," she breathed.
"Why not?" Chakotay asked, annoyed. He'd thought that she would have been happy that he'd asked, not at all envisioning the less than stellar reception he'd got.
"I... just can't. I'm sorry, Chakotay."
"Alright, Kathryn," he whispered vehemently, all his dreams shattered in an instant. Unable to control himself, he spat the next words without thinking.
"I guess it really wasn't worth the wait after all."
And with that he turned and walked away, leaving a big, gaping hole in Kathryn Janeway's life.
Admiral Kathryn Janeway sat on the couch in her apartment, sipping a cup of coffee and reading yet another of her aide's seemingly endless reports. It had been almost a year since Chakotay had left, and she hadn't heard from him once. Though that wasn't startling, given the way she had treated him that day. She could still remember the look he'd given her when she'd flatly rejected his offer- utter dejection mingled with burning anger. She knew she'd made the wrong decision, possibly ruining her life forever.
Oh well, too late to remedy that now. He was probably happily married and had all but forgotten her. Kathryn took another sip of coffee and returned to her report, burying herself in work in an effort to shut out the real world.
The door chime rang and she looked up, surprised- she rarely got visitors to her apartment. Standing up, she stretched, then made her way to the front of the room.
She opened the door and her jaw nearly hit the floor as she recognized the man standing there.
"Chakotay... what... why...?" she spluttered, her mouth going completely dry.
He half smiled, and all the feelings she'd kept locked away for the past year came flooding back. Suddenly unable to face him, she began to turn and back away.
Chakotay had anticipated her reaction and quickly moved forward, grabbing her arm and twisting her around, then placing a protective hold on her other arm as he brought her to face him. The force of his jerk caught Kathryn off balance, and both her hands landed on his chest in a an effort to steady herself as she lurched towards him, her face ending up only inches from his.
Uncomfortable in their intimate position but unwilling to move and break their eye contact, she managed a question.
"What... what are you doing here?"
His eyes didn't waver. "I came back to apologize."
So much for happily married. "Apologize?"
"Yes. For what I said in your ready room that day, about it not being worth the wait... I've spent every second of every day of the past year regretting that I said that. I guess I was just angry that you refused to listen to me, and I hadn't- couldn't- accept the fact that you wouldn't be coming with me. And believe me, loving you all those years was most definitely worth it, even if I didn't quite get what I wanted at the end of it. I know I hurt you, Kathryn. I'm sorry."
Kathryn closed her eyes briefly, knowing what he said was true. No matter how much she'd tried to shut out the world, she'd never been able to erase the pain of those last words, left hanging in the air long after Chakotay had gone. Even now, she felt an unwelcome sting upon hearing them and winced.
His hand on her cheek caused her to look back at him. "I'm sorry," he repeated, a little more urgently this time.
She gazed into his eyes and knew what she had to do. "So am I," she replied softly, echoing her thoughts from earlier on. "I should have come with you, Chakotay, I know that now."
He responded with a searing kiss, tangling one hand in her now shoulder-length hair, sliding the other around her waist and crushing her to him.
"I love you," he whispered in her ear when they separated at long last.
Breathless, but still desperately hungry for more, she stepped back into his arms and pulled his face down to hers for another blazing kiss.
Finally they separated for the second time, Chakotay's hand reluctantly slipping out of her hair. Kathryn pushed past him, kicked the door shut, then turned, one hand on her hip and a cheeky grin on her face.
"Coffee?"
Kathryn woke slowly to sunlight shining on her eyes. She lay draped over Chakotay, her hand resting on his bare chest, head just below his shoulder. They'd found it extremely easy the previous night to slip back into the old habit they'd had of laughing and flirting with each other, with the result that they stayed up half the night talking, only going to bed when she remembered she had to go to work the next morning. She'd been so thoroughly exhausted that she hadn't even bothered to change out of her uniform, just tugging off her jacket and tossing it on a chair. As for Chakotay, he'd simply yanked his shirt off and tumbled down beside her.
She groaned and rubbed her eyes, then lowered her face to his and kissed him gently.
His eyes blinked open. "I must say, Kathryn, that is one hell of a way to wake up."
"And good morning to you too," she laughed as she kissed him again. She slid off him, propped her head on her hand and he turned to her.
"I like your hair this length," he said as he reached up and ran his hand through a few stray locks which had fallen onto her shoulder. "It suits you."
"Thanks." She smiled at the unexpected compliment.
"Um, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked as he remembered something. "What time do you have to be at headquarters?"
She let her head drop back on his chest. "Twelve hundred hours. Today's my half day, thankfully."
"It's eleven fifty hours now," he said, glancing at the bedside chrono.
"What?" Kathryn demanded, bounding up so fast he didn't even have time to laugh. "Damn. I'm going to be late, and I haven't even finished reading all my reports!"
"Kathryn Janeway hasn't read and analyzed all the reports? The universe is coming to an end!"
"Shut up, you big oaf," she muttered.
"Oaf? Who's an oaf?" Chakotay queried, half rising from the bed in mock anger.
She ignored him and continued, teasing, as she threw on a clean T-shirt and uniform jacket. "This is all because of you, you know. If you hadn't come back yesterday-"
"I'd still be regretting what I said before I left, and we'd both still be as lonely as we've been for the past year," he finished quietly.
"Point," Kathryn conceded, rummaging through her drawer for a pair of clean socks.
"Thank you. Now, I am not an oaf!"
She finished with her socks and boots and stood up. "Oh yes, you are," she said sweetly, then threw him an over-the-shoulder smile. "But I promise not to tell anyone."
He rolled his eyes and she ignored him again. "I'll be back around eighteen hundred hours, okay? I love you." A hasty kiss to his forehead, and she was gone, snatching a stack of PADDs from the wall shelf on her way out.
Chakotay sighed and flopped back onto the pillow. It was going to be a long six hours.
Kathryn decided to transport home from headquarters instead of walking like she normally did. She'd been in a resoundingly good mood all day, even dismissing her aide an hour early and nearly giving him a heart attack in the process.
Oh well. There was something in her life now other than drudging work and reports from Starfleet officials, and it showed.
She arrived in her apartment to find it dark and empty. "Chakotay?" she asked, walking into the bedroom.
No answer.
"Chakotay?"
Still no answer.
"Chakotay!"
Silence.
Kathryn was beginning to get annoyed. She walked to the middle of the room and turned around, her back to the window. "This is not funny!" she half yelled.
She barely managed to stifle a shriek when two hands landed on her shoulders from behind. She whirled, shrugging the hands off her shoulders. "Chakotay, you evil..."
"Now who's an oaf?" he asked, smirking.
"Not me," she shot back.
"Not you? I got you, remember?"
"No you didn't," she lied.
He took a step toward her, forcing her to move backwards. "Yes I did."
She placed her hands on his chest and gave him a light push. "No you didn't."
"Yes I did." He continued backing her up.
"No, you didn't."
"Did."
"Didn't."
"Did."
"Didn't."
"Did."
"Didn't!"
They were almost to the side of the bed. She was teasing him with an enticing grin, daring him to play her game.
"Liar."
"Am not."
"Then admit it!"
"No!"
"Alright then-" he paused for effect- "you asked for it!" And before she could stop him, he had tackled her to the floor and was tickling her mercilessly.
"Chakotay, please... stop!" Kathryn squealed between fits of hysterical laughter.
"Admit it!"
"Never!"
"Fine then!" He continued tickling, ignoring her shrieks. She wriggled and fought, but she could not get free of his legs trapping her to the ground underneath him.
Kathryn finally extracted one of her arms from his iron grip. She reached up and yanked a pillow off the bed, bringing it down hard on Chakotay's head. He winced slightly but didn't stop tickling. She clobbered him again, and this time succeeded in whacking him off of her.
"Two can play at that, Kathryn," Chakotay panted as he pushed himself up. He grabbed a pillow of his own and took a quick swipe at her, which she easily blocked. Suddenly she swung hers upwards and out and landed a blow on his side, knocking him down onto her. She put her hand on his shoulder and pushed him over, momentarily pinning him beneath her until he clouted her with his pillow and rose upwards, flipping her onto her back. They rolled over and over laughing, swinging at each other as hard as they could, each trying to gain the upper hand.
Kathryn made good use of the split second that she was on top of Chakotay and sent his pillow flying with a hard strike. He answered by getting a good grip on hers, trying to pull it out of her hands. Finally he wrenched it free and flung it far out of her reach, causing her to lose her balance and fall on him. She lay sprawled atop him for several moments as they caught their breath, then they both burst out laughing at the same time. Kathryn rolled off him and lay there giggling.
Chakotay's face hove into view above hers. "Are you going to admit it now?"
"No," she said with an evil grin.
He sighed. "Well, in that case, I'd say you owe me at least a kiss."
"I think that can be arranged," Kathryn murmured seductively. His face was moving closer and closer to hers and he smiled.
"Good."
She leaned up and kissed him passionately, running a hand through his hair and letting her tongue roam freely through his mouth. He returned the favor and they rolled over again, lips still locked.
Slowly they broke the kiss, Kathryn on top once more.
"Want something to eat?" she asked after a few seconds of blissful silence.
"Later," Chakotay whispered just as seductively as she had earlier.
"Well then," she said, standing up, "I think I'll go take a quick shower in the meantime."
"What?!"
"I'm just going to go take a shower," she repeated.
"Why?"
"Because I feel like it. Besides, I'm hot after all that clowning around."
"Oh," he said, trying to cover his obvious disappointment. "Well. I guess I'll go put dinner on, then," he stated, but made no move to get up off the floor.
"Sounds good." She gathered her clothes and towel, then flashed him a flirtatious grin. "Oh, by the way, you weren't hoping for something else, were you?"
"Of course not," he said, far too quickly for it to be true.
Kathryn gave him a knowing smile and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving a more than slightly peeved Chakotay in her wake.
And everything had been going so well...
Chakotay had finished programming the replicator and was sitting on the couch reading when the bathroom door opened and Kathryn emerged, enveloped tightly in a towel.
"That smells good," she commented on her way into the bedroom. "What is it?"
He never got the chance to reply because she let out a surprised scream, followed by a loud thump.
"Kathryn, you okay in there?" he called anxiously.
"Yes, I'm fine, I just tripped over one of these damned pillows! I'll be ready in a minute."
"Do you need some help?" he asked, as innocently as he could.
"NO!" she bellowed back.
"Are you sure?"
His only response was a well-aimed shoe, which he barely ducked as it came flying out of the partition.
"Temper, temper, Kathryn," he teased as he swept it off the couch and onto the ground. "What would your mother say?"
"She'd probably ask me what I was doing with a rogue like you," Kathryn retorted, her voice sounding suddenly closer.
Chakotay turned. Sure enough, she stood at the entrance to the bedroom, dressed in a pair of white denim shorts and a blue short-sleeved top with a very revealing cut. With an effort, he tore his mind away from how fabulous she looked and returned his attention to the conversation.
"Scandalous, isn't it?" he asked sarcastically as he stood up and began to walk toward her.
"Shocking," she replied with a perfectly straight face, tilting back against the wall.
He braced his hands on the wall above her head and leaned in close. "How could you? An outlaw like me... I'm ashamed of you."
She laughed and pulled him in for a quick kiss. "But you should know better than to go along with me."
His lips moved from hers to her jaw and down her neck. "I really should, shouldn't I?" he murmured as he kissed her neck and shoulders. "But for some reason, I don't think I want to."
They were interrupted by a beep from the replicator. "That's the final keep-warm alert," he said, reluctantly letting go of her.
Silence reigned for several seconds before Kathryn nodded. "Let's eat. And I want to go to bed early today, okay? I have a full day at the office tomorrow and I need to be prepared this time."
"Aye, Captain," he grinned, taking her hand and leading her with him to the dinner table.
Later, they lay in each other's arms, foreheads touching, the only illumination in the room the moonlight shining in through the half-closed blinds.Chakotay was idly playing with Kathryn's hair when she broke the silence.
"Chakotay?"
"Hmm?"
"What made you decide to come back?"
He twirled a strand of her hair round his finger before replying. "Well, on Dorvan almost everybody I knew was gone- they were either dead or had been dislocated. The only people who were still there were some of the "unofficial" Maquis. I hung around with them for a while, even considered rejoining them at one point. I thought that was what I wanted, but then I remembered what I said that day, and I couldn't. I guess I realized that there was still something left for me on Earth, and I knew I had to come back and apologize. So I did."
"I'm glad," Kathryn said as she kissed him deeply. She pulled the blankets up around them and snuggled deeper into his loving embrace. "Let's go to sleep, my angry warrior."
The time is 0800 hours. The time is 0800 hours. The time is 0800...
"Computer, reset alarm for tomorrow," Kathryn mumbled groggily. The computer complied with its usual harsh beep and shut itself off.
She yawned widely and stretched, then poked Chakotay in the chest. "Wake up, flyboy."
"Well, that was a rather rude awakening," he complained to nobody in particular.
She leaned over and gave him a slow kiss. "Better?"
"Much."
"Good." She threw off the sheets and climbed over him. "I'll leave breakfast in your capable hands, hmm?" she said as she headed into the bathroom.
"Okay," he said, quickly changed into a recently replicated set of clothes, and trotted out into the living area to start preparing.
"I'm glad this isn't Neelix's cooking," Kathryn commented dryly a few minutes later as she wandered out of the bedroom, drying her face.
"I can assure you, this is absolutely and completely one hundred percent leola root free," he quipped as he set the table.
"Always good to know," she grinned, tossing her towel on a chair and coming to join him.
They ate leisurely, enjoying the comfortable silence. Kathryn helped him clear the dishes when they were done, then slid her arms round his chest and hugged him from behind.
"What time will you be back?" Chakotay asked.
"Same as yesterday- about eighteen hundred hours."
"Oh, okay."
"Actually," she said as she began to kiss his jaw and the back of his neck, "do you want to come with me today?"
He let out a throaty laugh and twisted in her arms. "You really can't live without me, can you?" he teased.
"Stop that," she scolded, but returned the smile nonetheless. "Are you coming or not?"
"Of course!"
"Well, let's go then! I have to be there in ten minutes."
He quickly shoved his shoes on and followed her out the door. They walked to headquarters, Kathryn pointing out some of the newer city sights as they went.
They arrived in a breathless flurry, having run the last few hundred meters. Kathryn jabbed the call button for the turbolift, which quickly appeared.
She smiled happily as they went in. "Hmm, an empty turbolift. I wonder what that could mean?"
"I wouldn't know," Chakotay answered, staring straight ahead.
"Would you like to find out?"
"Okay," he agreed, lips twitching. He knew what it meant, all right.
"Twentieth floor," she ordered. As soon as the doors hissed shut she turned, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. Neither of them noticed the turbolift accelerate upwards.
A startled gasp caused them to hurriedly break apart. Kathryn's aide stood behing his desk, mouth open in mortification at seeing his commanding officer in the middle of a very passionate kiss.
He began to turn red, snapped his mouth shut and opened it again. "Uh, good morning, Admiral," he stammered nervously. "Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Don't worry about it," Kathryn reassured him. "My fault for getting a little too carried away." She grinned and led Chakotay forward. "Jack, this is my... friend, Chakotay."
"Pleased to meet you, sir," Jack said, still a little jumpy.
"You too," Chakotay returned, on his way into the office. Kathryn closed the door behind him and locked it.
"Well, what do you think?" she asked, waving her arms around in an all-encompassing gesture.
He looked around. Sunlight flooded in through the grand windows, lighting up the colorful paintings on the wall behind. Plants lay in various places, including one on either side of the huge, inviting couch that overlooked the beautiful waters of San Francisco Bay, giving the room a homely look. All in all, it was a rather cheerful place, one that put him instantly at ease.
"I like it," he said, crossing the room and plopping onto the couch. "It's bigger than your ready room."
"Yeah, I guess it is," she said, pushing open one of the windows, then walking to her desk which was set by the far wall, perpendicular to the view, and conveniently located next to the replicator.
"Soundproof?"
She gave him a stern glare. "None of that, now. And no, it's not soundproof."
"Drat," he said playfully. This time she ignored him and ordered a cup of black coffee from the replicator.
With Chakotay there, the day passed faster for Kathryn than it normally did. She replicated a couple of books for him to read when he wasn't doing anything, and he helped her analyze her subordinates' reports, though he never missed an opportunity to tease her.
Before she knew it, it was seventeen hundred hours and she was stuck on a report she had to hand in to Admiral Paris that evening. She couldn't even ask her aide for help with it; the admiral had explicitly asked her to complete the whole thing herself.
"Where did the day go?" she mused to herself.
"We spent it flirting and trying to get some work done," came from Chakotay, and she rolled her eyes.
She glanced over at him. He hadn't moved for the past half hour, slumped sideways on the couch, eyes closed, arms splayed out both ways across the top. Sighing, she picked up the PADD containing her half-finished report and went over to join him.
She dropped down next to him and let her head loll back against the cushion. Immediately he encircled her waist with his arms, pulled her into his lap and began to nuzzle her neck. She let out an involuntary moan.
"Chakotay... not now," she muttered softly.
"Aw, come on, Kathryn, don't be a spoilsport." He continued nuzzling.
"I have work to do..."
"So take the day off," he replied without missing a beat.
"Chakotay! You know I can't do that. Admiral Paris would kill me!"
"Give me five minutes, then."
"Chakotay..."
"Come on, you'll feel relaxed and it'll help you concentrate after."
"I don't know... about that..."
"Indulge yourself, Kathryn. Go on, you know you want to."
He was right; she did want to. Her skin was on fire everywhere his lips had touched, and she was finding it increasingly impossible to resist him.
"I guess I can take a break for a while," she agreed, letting her arm drop onto the couch. She couldn't help but marvel at how much power this man had over her.
"Good," he said as he kissed his way around her neck.
"Mmm, that feels good," she murmured after some time.
"See?" he said, triumphant.
"You really like to spoil me, don't you?" she questioned rhetorically several seconds later.
"No, I just like to seduce you," he answered cheekily.
"Chakotay!" She whacked his arm with the PADD, but she was smiling and he knew it.
"You terrible man," she said with mock indignation. The only response she got was a low chuckle as he went on kissing, shifting her uniform to get to her shoulders.
"Chakotay," she said after a few more minutes.
"Hmm."
"As much as I would like to continue this now, I really have to finish this report."
"Oh, all right," he conceded reluctantly, removing his lips from her face as she leaned back against him and began to type into the PADD. He interlocked the fingers of her free hand with his where they lay at her waist and tightened his grip slightly, content to hold her if nothing else.
The seconds ticked away as they sat there, Kathryn busily working, Chakotay half lulled to sleep by the rhythm of their combined breathing. The only sounds were the soft rustle of leaves as the trees outside swayed in the wind, coupled with the short, harsh beeps of the PADD.
He watched her as she rested in his arms and made his decision. "Computer, what time is it?" he inquired.
"It is seventeen hundred forty five hours," the computer intoned in its bland voice.
He lifted her out of his lap and onto the couch and stood up. She looked at him quizzically.
"I'm just going to take a short walk," he told her. "I should be home by the time you are."
She nodded. "Alright, see you later."
He exited her office, closing the door as he went out. Kathryn exhaled heavily and settled back into the cushions. Almost done...
Kathryn had just stepped out of the shower and pulled on a change of clothes when Chakotay arrived back.
"Kathryn, are you there?" he called.
She couldn't resist.
"No, I left an hour ago."
She heard him laugh as she went back into the bathroom and began brushing her hair.
He came up behind her, slipped his arms round her torso, and started nibbling on her earlobe. Unsurprisingly, he soon changed his target to her throat and shoulders.
Kathryn put the hairbrush down. "What is your fascination with my neck?" she asked jokingly.
"It's just so nice and soft and warm," he murmured, trailing kisses down to her collarbone. She had to try hard not to laugh.
"Hang on for a second," she said a little later. "There was something I wanted to ask you, but I forgot."
"What was it?"
"I don't know, I can't think straight when you're doing that."
He continued his assault on her skin. "You're not supposed to."
She half rolled her eyes. "You are so bad," she accused.
Again he didn't stop. "I know."
"Oh, I just remembered. Where did you go for your walk?"
He didn't answer immediately, just straightened up, laid his hand on her back and led her into the main room. He plucked a small blue velvet box off the table and turned to her.
"I went to get this," he explained.
"What is it?" Kathryn asked, intrigued.
He handed it to her. "Open it."
She quickly popped the delicate clasp, swung the lid up, and gasped. Inside lay a gleaming gold ring, set with a diamond that glittered and sparkled in the light.
"Oh Chakotay, it's beautiful," she breathed, unsure of what else to say.
"A beautiful ring," he whispered back, placing one hand under her chin and gently raising her eyes to meet his, "for a beautiful woman."
She bit her lip, not trusting herself to speak.
Chakotay took a deep breath. "Kathryn, one year ago I left in anger, forgetting what you meant to me, forgetting everything we'd been through together. Today I'm asking you to give me another chance." His intent was suddenly clear and she found her eyes unexpectedly close to overflowing with tears.
He bent to one knee and grasped her hand. "Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?"
His answer was a soft palm on his cheek and a long, sweet kiss. When they broke apart, she gazed lovingly into his eyes and her voice was barely audible, but he heard it.
"Yes."
He carefully removed the ring from its place in the box and slid it on her finger, reaffirming their love for eternity. Her face blossomed into one of those genuine, heartfelt smiles that he so rarely got to see.
He lifted her from where she knelt beside him and carried her into the bedroom. He tucked her in and slipped in next to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly as he did so. She was crying tears of joy and he kissed them away, stroking her face.
"Don't cry," he soothed.
"I should have done this a year ago," she sniffed sadly.
"What's done is done," he consoled. "We may both still regret what happened then, but now it's time to forget it. We should look ahead- to our future together."
"I love you," she told him, smiling through her tears.
"I love you too," he smiled back.
Kathryn snuggled down into Chakotay's warm, protective arms and buried her face in his chest, wishing she never had to move again. Without warning, something he'd said that morning popped into her brain and she nearly laughed in spite of herself.
He was right.
She couldn't live without him.
The End
