Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and all its characters. I'm just playing with them.
Copyright rebel_jediknight, November 2000.
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Once again, thanks to my regular betaers Coral and Bec!
"She's dying."
"What?" I say disbelievingly.
"The Capt- Kathryn is dying."
I stare at the image of Voyager's former helmsman, now a Lieutenant Commander, willing my mind to absorb the words. "Dying... of what?"
He sighs. "The Doctor says her heart is weak... it's slowly giving up."
"How long does she have?" I manage.
He shrugs. "A week, maybe a week and a half at most. She asked to see you, Chakotay."
I nod distractedly. "Where is she?"
"San Francisco Hospital, room 426."
"I'll be right there," I say and cut the transmission. I run into my bedroom and start packing, trying to ignore the faint pricking of tears behind my eyes.
It's so unfair. She was always so strong, leading us fearlessly through all the dangers and difficulties of the Delta Quadrant, that we all began to believe she was infallible. And now, barely a year after bringing Voyager safely home, after everything that she's been through for us, my Kathryn is dying of a weak heart.
My Kathryn. I snort as I stuff some clothes into a duffle bag, wondering when I started thinking of her as mine.
Then I realize the answer is simple. I always have.
I race out of my small Arizona house and down to the town's transporter station. Surprisingly enough, there is a lineup, so I have to wait.
I spend the time thinking of all the years we've wasted, how maybe if I'd pushed her a little harder she would have come around, agreed to accept us as a part of her life on Voyager. And maybe, just maybe, if she'd had a loving relationship to look forward to at the end of each day, there would have been less stress on her heart and she wouldn't be dying now.
Angrily I snap myself out of my thoughts. There's nothing I can do to change any of that today, and there's no point dwelling on what might have been. All I can do now is go to her and be what she needs most at this moment- a friend.
Finally it's my turn. I step on the platform and ask the attendant for a transport to San Francisco. She gives me an agreeable nod, presses a few buttons and the familiar tingle of the transporter washes over me.
I give the San Francisco attendant a half-hearted smile of thanks and barge out the door onto the sidewalk. I could transport straight to the hospital, but it seems that all I can do is run. And I don't stop, even though my heart is pounding in my chest and my breathing is ragged.
I barrel through the doors of the hospital and screech to a stop in front of the map. I search for room 426 and find it is on the fourth floor, on the right. I duck into the neighboring turbolift and hit the fourth button.
The lift seems to take forever getting there. I'm lucky I'm the only one in it because I'm pacing around the floor like a caged animal.
I manage to get my anxiety under control before the doors slide open. I step out, turn to the right and they are all there: Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, Neelix, even Tuvok and Seven of Nine.
I look at their melancholy expressions and fear the worst as I reach them. "Is she..." I begin, stunned.
B'Elanna shakes her head. "No, she's sleeping." She glances at me from where she leans against the wall by Kathryn's room. "You can go in."
I unsling my duffle from my shoulder and let it drop to the ground, then push open the door. I enter quietly and walk to the bed.
I can't help it. She looks so worn, so frail lying there asleep, nothing like the stalwart captain we all knew and loved. I break down and bury my face in her neck.
I stay like that, sobbing into her warm skin for what seems like an eternity. Then her hands are stroking my hair, her voice whispering words of comfort in my ear.
I raise my head and wipe my eyes, though it does nothing to stop the flow of tears streaming down my cheeks. I choke out a greeting and sit down on the bed, taking her hands in mine.
When I've completely regained my voice, I tell her I love her. She just smiles, squeezes my hand and says she's always known and that she loves me back. My heart jumps into my throat, and my voice cracks as I ask whether she will give us a chance if she gets well. She smiles again, tells me I have no idea how long she's been waiting for me to say that.
But I do. About as long as I've been waiting for her to agree.
I don't leave her side for the next week. Maybe it's six days, maybe eight. I don't know; I've lost track of time. I barely notice when the others come and go, juggling duties with their devotion to their captain. Tom Paris urges me to go home for a night and get some proper rest, but I refuse.
All I want to do is be with the one woman I love more than life itself.
We sit there and we laugh, we joke, we cry. And we talk. About everything we've so carefully avoided for the past seven years. I know it will all be over soon, but I want her to enjoy the little remaining time we have together. And I am determined to make her final days the happiest of her life.
I convince the Doctor to let us go outside. Kathryn is thrilled, but too tired to walk, so I carry her. We lie on the grass at twilight and gaze at the stars we once traveled through, trying to tell them apart. We look for New Earth, our little paradise in a secluded corner of the Delta Quadrant, and smile at the memories.
When she falls asleep in my arms I carry her back inside and tuck her in. Half awake after the walk, she asks for some coffee. I grin, shake my head and refuse, saying it's bad for her, but she pleads with me relentlessly until I have to give in. She beams at me when I hand her the cup and I laugh. Some things never change.
At night I hold her tight, the two of us lying there nestled against each other in her small hospital bed. Every time, she snuggles closer to me and I clutch her tighter, unwilling to let her go now that I finally have her. And all the time we hope and pray for a miracle.
A miracle which is not to be. In the evening of, according to Tom, the eighth day I have been with her, Kathryn dies in my arms, Voyager's senior staff gathered round. Her last words are to reaffirm her love for me.
We are all silent for a few minutes. Then, slowly, the others begin to drift out, leaving me alone with her. I stare at her lifeless body, refusing to let reality sink in, still expecting her to open her eyes and grin.
Then it hits me. I burst into tears and lift her from where she lies, sliding my arms around her and crushing her to me as I scream her name over and over again. I don't know how long I stand there sobbing over her before B'Elanna returns and gently leads me away.
Kathryn's funeral was held two days after her death. Tuvok gave the eulogy; Harry, Seven of Nine, and some of the other crewmembers who were able to attend added commemorative speeches. I couldn't bear to say anything, so I just stood and watched. She looked so calm as she lay there, eyes closed, hands folded over her chest. Somehow it seemed fitting, that after her turbulent life she should die a peaceful death, surrounded by those who had become her family.
But knowing this doesn't make it any easier. It's been two days since the funeral and the pain hasn't diminished one bit. I've returned to my home in Arizona, wanting to be alone. Tom and B'Elanna have visited every day, doing their best in a futile effort to cheer me up.
I wander downstairs and sink onto the couch. Ever since Kathryn died, I've been able to hear her calling to me, and I can feel my strength draining by the moment. It won't be long now before I'm with her.
I guess this is what they mean when they say two people can't live without each other.
I reach for a PADD and type out a message for Tom and B'Elanna. Thanking them for everything they've done for me, for Kathryn. Asking them to bury me next to her, on the hillside overlooking San Francisco Bay. And wishing them a long, happy life together.
I roll sideways and drop the PADD on the table where they will be sure to spot it, then settle back into the cushions. I close my eyes and let my mind drift away, into the land of dreams.
Suddenly I can see her. She is walking toward me, a radiant smile on her face, eyes sparkling, hair cascading over her shoulders in the way I always loved to see it.
She stops in front of me and gazes into my eyes. "Come, my angry warrior."
I lean forward, grasp her outstretched hands and she gently pulls me off the couch and into her embrace. I kiss her forehead as my arms encircle her waist and we stand locked together for a few seconds. When we break apart, she places her hand on my back and we slowly begin our journey out of this world.
I look at her as she walks beside me and smile. I know I will spend eternity with her and there is nothing else I could ever want.
She is my angel.
The End
