"Mormons are very organized. I had this neighbor Mrs. Mabey who stocked canned goods in her basement, so she could be prepared for when Christ returns to Earth. Because apparently what Christ is looking for is creamed corn."Natasha Ahanin
TOM CRUISE � EXTRA-TERESTRIAL
Speaking from his temporary home on planet Earth, Tom Cruise denied that his split from Penelope Cruz had anything to do with his religious beliefs. "Penelope was coming along great guns," explained Cruise, "She had grown a new set of teeth, had developed Xray vision, and was close to extending her height to beyond that of a London double-decker bus."
Asked what he thought the problem might have been, Cruise explained, "She was having trouble with her Gorilla Goals, and the Aircraft Door Goals seemed way too advanced for her, but I remain confident that had she persevered she would have been OT7 before the end of the bap-bap-bap coffee grinder era."
"Whatever happens, Ron loves her."
