Year 2000.
In the night of car
parks outside looking in Down amongst the stars
and rocks That no one would
believe I let it fall I let it fall. Silk and scarf and soft
and warm Falling down Gifts and tokens And all the hearts and
dreams I let them fall I let them fall. Turn away, run away. I was loved, but
couldn’t love in return Couldn’t give in. She never said poems or
poetry She said she loved me But from another world I wanted something more break the arrows, break
the hearts and flowers and kisses and lipstick you kissed
goodbye she said “you and I till
we die” we die, we die. Now I sit back and watch And reflect, reflect
upon time Of what it all was And how it is now Pushed it away Let it fall I was loved, but
couldn’t love in return. I am the unloved, cannot
get in, return I am the unloved, cannot
love anymore Cannot get in.
The Unloved
In the darkest place the world could ever find
Come to me, come to me
I was loved, couldn’t give in return
I was loved, couldn’t give in return
“Between you and me, it’s
hard to ever really know
who to trust- how to think,
what to believe.
Between me and you,
it’s hard to ever really know
who to choose
how to feel
what to do.
NEVER FADE NEVER DIE
YOU GIVE ME FLOWERS
OF LOVE
ALWAYS FADE ALWAYS DIE
I LET FALL
FLOWERS OF BLOOD.”
When will you die? When you die. In reply.
Out there tonight.
Where the weather is atrocious
Wind howls and blasts
Here I am safe and warm
Door locked with my demons
On the inside.
You are outside; somewhere
Somewhere on a raging storm
Lost at sea; raging waves
Tossed around
A plastic bag thrown around
Or on the motorway
Blown and buffered
Through spray and fading, glaring
Headlights.
I can do nothing
But sit and wait.
When will I die?
When you die
In reply, I say in reply
When I die
Two together forever two together
We are together.
Here they speak in other words
There they speak in other voices
This is another world
An other world
You live in an other world
And still I wait here.
In the room of despair she waits there
So unaware.
I try and arrange the words to make it come out better
Assimilate and rearrange the alphabet
But I know it will end up the same
And feel the regret.
Go through the same motions
Trying not to say
To give the game away
That it’s over
This is the end.
I’ve stood in that room many times before
I’ve knelt and prayed
And the voices and sounds come running back
There is no light
There is no air
I don’t want to go there
But I know I must.
In the empty room of despair
She waits there
So unaware.
I have never let you down (only now)
And I know that it could be so special
Dreams of flight and faraway places
Are just that
I can never break away
What it could have been
What it could be like
I know what it will be
What it will be like
There is silence
Alone and empty
This is me
Nothing
This is me
In the empty room of despair
I wait there.
We are not savages
It’s the people that make it bad
Where have you been?
What have you been doing?
From the intersection of motorway
A storage building of sugar or grain
Early December sun makes visibility difficult
The road is wet, but the sky is clear
I guess it must’ve rained while we were in the market.
Views of the countryside and we sweep through the sleepy villages
Across the flood plains
I spy smoke on the horizon
Wood burning of yesterday
Games of cowboys and Indians
Smells and sights from long ago
When we played in the fields with guns and twigs
Cycled these roads to explore the woods.
At the beginning of the week a child from Africa was murdered
On a south London street
Tonight there will be a near miss in the skies above my childhood countryside
A jumbo jet from Birmingham came within one hundred yards
Of a jet fighter
It was a close escape
A case of being in the right place at the right time
Or not
As the case maybe.
Early evening entertainment
Radio Five Live Drive
It used to be that news headlines were broadcast
By men in diner jackets and bow ties
Not girls in jeans
And only sheep wore fleece
And tattoos were only to be found on sailors or cons
But Beckham’s is in Hindu text
And is to celebrate his love for his wife
This is the news today.
Kitchen sink dramas
In the kitchen I sink
Submerged in food preparation for tea
A radio for company
A traffic report has come in
“Big Dave has phoned in
Heavy delays westbound, an accident is blocking…
Police say a diversion is in progress
And to avoid the area if at all possible;
Next update in fifteen minutes.”
It’s an inconvenience, as queues build up.
Meanwhile, stranded, trapped. Twisted wreckage
A life turned upside down
As rescue crews rescue
A life turned
To death
Scarred physically and emotional; a real life disaster
Condensed to several sentences in a national traffic report
Some paragraphs in an as yet unpublished weekly paper
You are a blur in oncoming headlights
Cars slowing down on the opposite carriageway
Cause a build up of traffic as
Curious onlookers catch your fifteen minutes fame
Next update in fifteen minutes.
The Sistine chapel has been engraved on a grain of rice
It cannot be observed by the naked eye
And is only visible high-resolution electron microscopy
This is the news today.
Lash down, try your hardest
Try your damnest
Rain down take me further
Wash away the waste
Cover with darkness of clouds heavy blanket
Drown me in the tides of waves
Let the waters flow
It’s going to rain for a thousand years
Trickle down a hundred tears
Storm force coming your way
In your face
Lash down. Lash down.
Rain down take me further
Lash down try your hardest
Wash away the waste
Lash down, try your damnest
Drown down in tides
Of thunder dream, electric rides
In your face lash down, lash down.
Rain down take me further
Storm force coming your way
Rain down take me further
Coming around for desolation day.
When will it stop
raining?
When will it stop hurting?
Streets lie damp and silent
Walk by places as reminders
To summer sun
A hand in mine
All was good
All was fine.
In another time, another night
Left the curtains open
And watched the lightning strike
And moved to the thunder
A glow of static light
A body moved with electric delight.
When will it stop raining?
When will it stop hurting?
In our dreams we talked it all
Talked it all, for it was all
We had it there, planned out to see
Dreams forever
To take the Red Lizard train
To a mountain oasis
We were there together.
When will it stop raining?
When will it stop hurting?
Last night I had a dream about you
You came into my room
It was how it used to be
You were there
You were living
You spoke to me
You loved me.
I lie awake and hear the storm
Darkness upon darkness, I miss you
I want to hold you
And love you
Like I once did
Now you’re gone I feel so empty
And still the rains come down.
When will it stop raining?
When will it stop hurting?
They tried to kill me on the first day of the first year
With a sniper shot as I looked out from my window
Fireworks of celebrations covered the sound
It missed and exploded nearby
That was as close as it got.
They tried to kill me but I’m still here.
They tried to kill me on the first day of the new century
A paid assassin collected his money
Loaded bullets in his armoury
Time ticked in an explosion of minds
He missed and shot nearby
That was as close as he got.
He tried to kill me but I’m still here.
They tried to kill me on the first day of the new millennium
With a suicide bombing borne out of revenge
It was a miss-calculated plot, the plan didn’t succeed
In a mass of sparks and wires
All I did was self-destruct
That was as close as she got.
I wait for the walls to come crashing down
And be taken off my guard
For the knock of the door
And go down all guns blazing
In a hale of gunfire and to burn out in glory.
It is not that I am immortal
After all I’m a sitting target,
A lame duck
I wait but no one comes
It’s not that I am difficult
It seems pretty simple to me
It’s not that they’re bad shots
It’s just that they’ve failed to hit the right spot.
My memory is not what it was
Not what it used to be
But I can remember a first time
That was a last time
And we sat and ate
And broke bread together
You cooked my favourite meal
And so it goes and I go.
My memory is not what it used to be
It’s not what it was
And I cannot remember the last time
Was it a family meal sat around the table?
Or on our knee in front of the telly?
Did I say goodnight, God bless and I would see you in the morning?
That I’d turn water to wine
Turn everything upside down
That I am going
That I am leaving
That I am leaving you?
The last supper stands ready and waiting
Won’t you come and join me
For this is the last time
I am the thirteenth, I am Judas
I have denounced and denied
Won’t you come and join me?
But I don’t feel like eating or thinking
Or anything
Just sleeping and when I wake up
I wish it were gone
And so it goes and I go.
Turn the lights out when you go
The last one out turns out the lights
And I go.
Click…
Through sliding doors we must go
And see no more
Like death that comes
But live on.
To wait for the reality to set in
Thinking it is a cold and I will get better
But it won’t, and I won’t
And things have changed.
Take a picture of perfection
Wrap it up, give it life
From the beginning to the end
Make it special. Make it perfect.
This was just a dream
Just a dream away
Do I relive it? Rewind it?
Which way now?
We play our part
For which we’re well rehearsed
To take the stage
For a parallel universe.
Kids blowing bubbles
Float in the air
Away from this world
In a kaleidoscope of colours
Stand out from this world
Blow away, apart on the breeze
Drift away, further apart
Aware of each other
Never touching or colliding
Till time or distance becomes to great
Fly above the ground touch the stars
Fly above the earth feel the universe
We played our part
Which was well rehearsed
We left the stage
For a parallel universe.
In my dreams I stand and stare
He who waits is he who dares
Feel my life is on the slide
On auto-cue I start to slide
I just want to know is when will my dreams my dreams come
true
But what are your dreams?
It’s nothing clear
It’s not in here
I need to define
My space in time
Another hundred years don’t mean much to me
They say they won’t want to change me
But why do they always want to rearrange me
A thousand years born into misery?
Play the rules taught into treachery
I wait here
And I’m waiting
For something…
Torn between the devil and the deep blue sea
The streets of rain head off in front of me
Walk around see all of humanity
And it doesn’t look so good to me.
Was it Shakespeare who wrote of three men in a boat?
Going from Douz to the Agrabite well, well?
Getting ready for another war
Will they ever know what they’re fighting for?
Camouflage ready, got my Rough Guide
Into the heart of darkness I will stride
If you don’t want me I will go
To the east and no one will know
All I’m saying is;
I’ve had enough of running
I’m giving up on giving
I’ve taken all I’m taking
I just want to come home
And in from the cold.
Walking through the deserts tide
In my thoughts a monstrous ride
All I had was heaven and the sky above.
Leaning in a palm dark spring
No-one there to teach a thing
All I wanted was hell and to die above.
I looked to her to answer me
To release me from this territory
Is it the beginning of the end,
Or the end of the beginning?
She just smiled and said;
“It is the end of the end.”
Walking through a foreign countryside
Crossing sweat as routes collide
All I wanted the sea down below.
Fell and stumbled to the ground
Left alone, no wailing sound
Just the crashing of the waves down below.
I looked at her to answer me
To release me from my destiny
Is it the beginning of the end
Or the end of the beginning?
She just smiles and says;
“It is the end of the end.”
To cut a rope; release from the moorings, float down
stream.
To cut a rope; the kite to fly; free into the summer sky.
To cut a rope; let the hanging man fall, peacefully to
earth.
To cut this rope; release from this nightmare
A living death, hell on earth
To cut, a simple act.
Held my head through the breaking spray
All I needed was to stay
But no-one waited there for me.
Dig in deep in ground and sand
Left all life and failed to stand
Needed hope, for all eternity
Wasted all prosperity
Called out for help, to come to me
But no-one came to rescue me.
I looked to her to answer me
To release me from this purgatory
Is it the beginning of the end
Or the end of the beginning?
She just laughs and says;
“It is the end of the end.”
The end of the end.