These were not soldiers, but ordinary men, with respectable jobs. Not youngsters but mature; too old to fight on the frontline. They had orders, but they also had a choice they choose they own interpretations.

They devised their own pleasures; the tortures, rape and humiliation. The momentum of their own gratification carried them along. There was no right or wrong, there was no shame. There was no reason, it had become a game.

It was a sport, a blood sport. They were animals, high on adrenaline, wanting the next kill. They had ceased to have souls.

This showed the fragility of the human psyche.

If This Is love

We came here together, to this point

Me and you

Heads split, faces and voices

You talk to others I stand in shadows

Scared and sick, I watch

Shake and turn

Green and watch

If this is love…

We came here together, to this point

This hell

Me and you.

And inflict these pains on each other

A strangers bedroom looks much the same

An existence that expired

Inspire to virginity, when things were simpler

“It’s gonna be okay.” you used to say, but

This is nothing

Nothing that you said

Nothing that you did

Nothing

If this is love

We came here together

Dying here tonight

And the others laugh, talk and dance

Naked, mirror burns, turn unfolds

Seem unaware

But talk of us

Is this love?

Rain-washes tears

No future for us on these streets

My lies in your eyes

The tales I hold deep within

Cannot let go, hold me

And inflict these pains

Stay, move, go

If only we could

At this point

If only you could

Stay here

Together

But can’t.

The Weekend Starts Here

You wrote a note

We’ve got to get things sorted out

Let’s work it out

Always liable to be unreliable

Sixty miles seemed a long way then

Was it worth it who can say?

Hitched, caught a bus, caught the train

Bought some roses anyway.

The weekend starts here

We’ve got two nights

Everything’s just fine

Everyone is happy and we’re having fun

Let’s kiss and make up

And wake up in each other’s arms in the morning.

Shopping and McDonalds; a Saturday morning horror

Followed by a French trendy art film

I never understood, never tried to

It was chips and then the party

The moment I was wanting

The moment I was waiting.

You showed me your friends, but I didn’t want to know

I was aloof, they were young and rich and smart and they were stupid

And I was smart

Didn’t like their jokes, they didn’t like football, didn’t like their accents

And you were cross and you got mad

Said I never made an effort, said I didn’t care

Maybe

Hit me with the truth, why don’t you

Tell me about the lies you’ve bottled up inside.

Met a guy called Guy who was really great

He was so friendly it began to grate

Who clung to your side, who hung on your every word

I was lonely in a crowded room

Saw the fire burn

Remembered another time

I knew it had to end, knew it would be soon

You never saw me, I saw you

Opening the wine, huddled in the corner, talking earnestly

Whispering, but I heard

“Have you told him yet? Have you told him yet? Have you told him?”

But I know, I know, know when it’s time to go

I’ve outstayed my welcome in your life

I’m not sorry but I’ve got to go.

But the weekend starts here

We’ve got tonight together

Lets kiss and make up

And wakeup in each other’s arms

But it wasn’t the same, just went through the motions

Of say this, say that, touch this, touch that.

I got the message and the note you wrote

Scratched upon my chest

The weekend ended here.

TONY

I wonder if all the others feel as guilty,

As embarrassed, about it all, as I do now.

All right twenty years ago

But I wonder if he remembers us.

Tony was different; well different to us anyway,

We said he was smelly – although he wasn’t;

That he had nits, but we didn’t even know what they were.

We never bullied him, as such

I suppose we were a bit scared of him in a way,

And he had two older brothers and they were hard.

It was just that he stood out;

You know how you are when you’re kids;

We’d call him names, tell jokes about him and his sort,

But never when he was about

I’m sure he must’ve known,

The room would go dead quiet when he came in.

I regret it now, but honestly we didn’t know any better

No one discouraged us.

I’m sorry now.

Well he moved away after a year or two

His Dad got a job down South and I forgot all about Tony

Until the other day…. When I saw his face in the paper,

Black and white faces looking up, still.

Now I bet you know what comes next

Just fit in your stereotypes, and fill in who you called names at school

Take it from there,

That he was disabled, or mentally handicapped

Or that he went mad and went berserk, ran amok,

And killed loads and loads of people,

Or that he just flipped and did himself in, in a spectacular way….

All because of our juvenile taunting.

Well Tony was made of stronger stuff than that

He made more of his life than we ever did,

Despite our prejudices.

You see Tony made it.

Tony was black

And last week he got his first England cap.

Childhood Memories

When you used to take me to Grandma’s on Wednesday afternoons

We’d play in the garden, kick the ball and look at the flowers

Then we’d go in, wash our hands

And before tea, Grandma would point to a photo and say;

“Go and kiss Mummy and Daddy.”

And I’d toddle over and look at Mummy dressed in white,

Looking pretty and Dad looking smart

And they were kissing, and I’d kiss the glass

And Gran would say;

“That’s a good boy.”

I remember it well.

I also remember in summer, when sunshine came through my curtains

Really early, and I’d sneak out of bed and into your room,

And watch you from the bottom of the bed,

Watching you sleep, arms around each other,

Cuddling, warm and safe.

And I would stay there until one of you woke

And I’d crawl up the bed and get between you,

And cuddle, warm and safe.

If it was me, I’d want to stay like that forever.

It changed.

Was it me that came between you?

Two people who can’t stand to be in the same room now

Who don’t even talk now, only snarl and shout.

The other night, I stood at the top of the stairs,

You thought I was asleep,

You were shouting, again,

Daddy kicked teddy and smashed my car against the wall,

Then he grabbed you Mummy, by the throat.

The next morning Daddy said he was sorry about the car

And he’d buy me another, and that he loved me,

But he doesn’t does he?

How can he? He can’t do, he doesn’t live here anymore.

He bought me the new car; it was bigger and better than the old one,

But I’m not bothered about that.

I just want things back to how they used to be.

I know it was my fault, but I don’t know why.

Why?

How did I come between you?

The Biggest Lie

The biggest lie? That I gave up smoking

Or that I even started.

That I loved you or them or her.

The biggest lie?

An imagination that invented, embellished the truth,

When there was none.

With nothing to say I studied hard

To give credence to a life without

That I was exciting, that I had lived, experienced.

That there was a girl. There was a talent

The biggest lie? I had a life

You see I was an actor playing a character

Heard the news that I had views,

That I was a footballer, boxer, poet,

Musician, lover, politician

And I had hope.

I gave hope, the biggest lie.

You see I lived my life in my head

It was safe, unambitous; nothing happened

Until the day it did:

I saw them take and press for more

I saw them torch the homes and cities

Faces of innocents pressed to the wire

I watched the death, hatred and propaganda

I observed it until I saw no more

I knew what was right and stood up and fought

Or was it a war I didn’t believe in

A white feather for the coward of beliefs

Was I the conscious objector?

Who stood up and said so, and said no

I was both courageous and fearless for you

Your disloyal son.

The truth? I did watch and saw it all

And I paid up and was paid off

You see I had a little life and family and you

How can I look you in the eye?

A regret to live or die

The biggest lie?

Was that I tried.

Sunday Afternoon

Autumnal grey is here to stay on a day like today

I want to feel it pressing in

Oh comeback today.

Nineteen eighty-one, I long for that year

When everything was possible

When everyone was free.

Sights and sounds of long ago

Buildings were just bricks, and foundation stones un-laid.

Bring dampness of the drizzle

Let mists gather down

Stay at home safe and sound

On Sunday afternoon.

Tea will be served by the fireside

Curtains are drawn on the outside world

There’s no one to let in

There’s no one to come calling.

You can dream and chill

Forget them away

Let it be, let it live out

Be free.

Autumn has now fallen, winter will come calling

Calling winds that brought me here

Will blow a colder breeze

In through the naked lacquered trees.

And by six the town is empty

Except for plastic bags that fly and float

Along deserted streets

Spectral wanderers just going nowhere.

So just call me here

I ‘m just home today

When you’re cold and hungry

Cold and empty

Tea will be served by the fireside

There’s no one to let in

It’s just you and me

We can dream and chill

Forget them away

Let it be, let it live out

And be free.

Bullshit Propaganda

Edits drawn on map

Which no one can thank

I’m searching for a radio broadcast

That went out on the Empire Station

From which guerrillas can draw strength

They say time is running out.

Newspaper supplements crammed full of glossy photos

Of cosmetically enhanced stars of the new century

Column inches resold

Retell of the same old stories

Of who did what, and when

With whom and, how often

Just the same drivel the same depressing faces

Day-glowed and haloed

Here come the saints

In all their monetary glory.

Sinners hang in belfries

Waiting for the call

A run to the Andes Mountains

To submit in freefall

Setting up the rigging for the satellite broadcast

This is liberation man! Catch it while you can.

Lost at station paranoia

Where lost armies stand with bags

Ready armed and willing

In preference to living

Beating chests and proudly proclaim

They’d die for their country

To embark upon a crusade

With old scores to settle

Drugged up on religious fervour

Scars torn open, exposed soul through bone

Why live when they could try?

Why live when they could die?

Martyrs calling! Martyrs calling!

Setting out through the ether

Set up the barbed wire boys

I’m building my bunker

Got my guns and cash; fridge full of Coca-cola

Just listen to me and my bullshit propaganda

Are you gonna live for your country?

Who’s gonna live for their country?

The Dumb Show

There is no way back

There is no return

It’s all so distant

It’s all too far

To go back then to go back now.

If I were a victim

To say in reply

Let it flow again

Deceive and die

An image of anything

Something and anything

Resting and sleeping

It all comes to nothing.

Diseased and withered

Altered and dithered

How can I want this so much?

How can it hurt so much?

That it all becomes confused

To spill it out on blisters on skin

To spread it out through thick and thin.

Too many times

Too many mistakes

I want to go back, to return

To make amends

To pay my penance

To take the punishment

To say the words that I always meant

To be pure

To be guiltless

To be untainted

And take no more

This life is lies

This is not real

Understanding the fiction, understanding my mind

To violate the truth

To return where

She lies hurting

Elegant, before and went

Where her lies hurting and return

Her token engraved

In their matrix

In this head

In this heart

I stand in the shadow of the past

And try and grasp the ghosts and darkness

To grab it all back, put it in my heart

To be complete, to be myself…

But fail

To be a thousand faces

To be a hundred smiles

I have to cut and break through the disguise in front of my eyes.

Things can never be, what they could have been

Things can never be, what they should have been

Can never be,

Can never be

Can never be the same.

A Jellyfish Not An Amoeba

Summer nineteen eighty one

A change of state

A state of change

Granddad died in Wednesday

It was Villa and Villa on Thursday

And on Friday it was the last ever lessons

Last day photographs

White blouse, navy skirt

Black trousers, white shirt no more

Rum and vodka.

Emptied my locker

Closed the door

Left school

The chemistry of your sex, my sex

All my physics revision

Was a fusion of fission

My reaction molecules were a flux of velocities

Metallic bonding to colligative properties

With our mutual inductance gained an elevation in boiling point

To the point where

I got a spilt ring commutator

Free, damped and forced oscillations

Upset my concentration

The moment of momentum

Exacted with excitation and forced saponification

Cationic this, anionic that

My molten slag blended and mended

And it was noted extension proportioned to tension

And rubbers are elastic plastics

Our mutual attraction compares with the expression

Where I is the moment of inertia of her body.

Passed the driving test and exams second best

Worked hard and played hard as the sun blazed

And as the sun set

We had no plans

Just go our separate ways

On the last day went to the pictures

Chariots of Fire

Had a nose bleed

Reminisced

Maybe saw a tear

Hate saying goodbyes

Kissed

Held hands and gave records back

The last goodbye

A disco, drunk

Said my farewells and left

Left her, my friends, my school, my family

My town, my home

And when it was over….

Was that it?

It wasn’t worth getting worked up for

Was it?

It wasn’t worth it all

It’s gone and it’s over

And it’ll never come back

There is no going back

There is no youth no more.

Exist

Exist in alienation

Wallow in culture

Disappear in depths

Exist in what you’ve become

Despise convention, materials, possessions

Accept what you are

Cycle on.

And life and death and between

It doesn’t matter

Exist alienated

Wallow in subculture

Wallow in despair

Disappear

Depths of yourself

Dive, dive

Dive deep within

Disappear in depths of yourself

Exist in what you are. Kiss

Exist in what you’ve become. The eyes

Despise

Existence, convention, materials, possessions

Worthless

Exist

Accept it

Accept what you are

Cycle on.

Time is unimportant

Time doesn’t matter

Walk around, grasp the scene

Cruel and crazy

It goes round

It should never be like this

This is it

Run

Shadow

Doorsteps

Crash through the undergrowth

Into the neighbourhood

Of green and black at night

I hear no laughter, I see no-one

There are strangers waiting

Is the person I see someone else

Or myself?

Insanity grips

Whisper

She looks so good

Bloodstream

Smiles

Kisses

Louder: Insanity grips. She looks so good

Louder: Bloodstream. Kiss. Girl

Worthless. Exist.

Snap!

A chance

See the light

Snap! Wake up

Sweat, thumping heart in ears

This is it

This is now

A chance

Thudding beat in ears

Do it. Regret it. Do it

Cars blur

A chance. Take it

Flashing scenery

Faster

Take it

Opportunity

Take it. Take it. Do it

Change!

You’re brilliant. Change

You’re wonderful. Change

The most wonderful thing in the world

You can do anything

Want more?

The big picture

Smile. Make it good

Make it good

Make it good.

Crazy places, lonely faces

Going backwards, moving sideways

In the bedroom, in the ballroom

Lonely places, same old faces

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Kiss. The eyes

And cry goodbye

Crazy faces, lonely places

Going sideways, moving forwards

In the bedroom, in the ballroom

Same old places

Going somewhere, going somewhere

Kiss

Exist.

Power corrupts, it desensitises. Monet makes us slaves and makes us greed. Machine guns and barbed wire. Keep the animals back. They know the games. They know the rules. Read into it what you like; the picture is as black as you want it to be, but there’s always room for some light. That is the bottom line.

Understand where you are

They know the truth.

It’s time you learnt it.

Kiss the eyes

And cry goodbye.

The Four Woods

I pushed Karen forwards

Forwards, forwards, onwards, onwards

To the four woods that circle our town

One points east, one points west

One points north and one points south.

To the north, there’s Hazel Wood

Where evil obscures the good

Storm force calls in winter’s night

Avoid this place in lantern light.

Babies hide and never play

Twisted trees cover the light of day

Demons burn as only they could

Don’t go down to Hazel Wood.

To the east, there’s Marigold Wood

Where growth enriches in the growth of good

Springtime calls in rich green light

New life born in full moonlight

Children come and run to play

Bluebells stand and move to pray

Holding hands like we would

Life begins in Marigold Wood.

To the south, there’s Daisy Wood

Where life is understood

Summer sun fuels the light

Humid sweat stokes up the night

Youth burns out and drive to play

Dance and sing till the light of day

Entwined together like we should

Lovers roll in Daisy Wood.

To the west, there’s Rose Wood

Where all life falls for the good

Autumn gold turns brown the light

Enclosing all in the coming night

Men and women long to stay

They fell in love in a far off way

Fallen down where once we stood

The old die young in Rose Wood.

If only we could in Hazel Wood

If only we would in Marigold Wood

If only we stood in Daisy Wood

Pushed her forwards, onwards, onwards

In the land that time forgot

Rose would, but Karen would not.

St Valentines Day Mascara

She puts on her blusher

He doesn’t want to push her

She puts on her lipstick

She doesn’t want to feel sick

Puts on her eye-liner

Something to remind her

He’s going to wine and dine her

It’s time to wake-up

And make-up.

She opens her eyes

Opens her eyes wide

Under the spotlight

She closes her eyes

Closes her eyes tight

And reapplies and tries.

Pretence Suspense Reality

Make-up and make- believe

Make-believe it’s all-true

A fantasy of finality

Does he want her?

Does she want him?

Valentine, entwine

Combine and wine and dine

A lipstick imprint

Of roses and flowers

Winter snow and spring showers

Now she’s showered and empowered

Covered over the cracks

Glossed over the boredom

She opens her eyes

She opens her eyes wide

Under the candlelight

She closes her eyes tight

Re-applies and dies.

When Did You Stop Believing?

If I could talk to the animals

Really talk to the animals

And there was Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy

And my parents loved me or each other

When did you stop believing?

I would fall in love

And it would last forever, first love

That hard work would gain its just rewards

The world could be changed for the better

Anything was possible. Everything was possible

When did you stop believing?

All is fair in lobe and government

Colour blindness is an asset

That we are equals

We are safe in our beds

The law is on our side

Honesty is the best policy

The National Health Service and the Welfare State

Are safe in their hands?

When did you stop believing?

That the future is going to be great and I will always be here for you

That there is a God

Love exists

Death is release

What was the turning point?

When did hope fade to failure?

Or was it just me who was naïve all along?

The shock of the world

The gold thread snapped

Left me clinging to life.

When do you stop believing?

When do you stop breathing?

Give up, give in, get off, die

When do you stop? Believe

When do you start believing?

When do you believe?

Mind The Gap

The distance that keeps us apart

That line that is there, that prevents

The breakdown of sanity

Where light-hearted banter can be just that.

I want to touch, hold, kiss and cuddle

To wipe everything away. To make it so good again

Like it should be

Over step the mark, and the madness begins.

Is there something?

Is there something between us that I can’t see?

Or is it just me?

Have I got it all wrong?

I’ll be thinking of you

Miss you the most

A kiss on cheek

Miss-interpret the signs?

Call Me

Call me

Let’s keep in touch

Keep connected

Accessible anytime

Anyplace, anywhere

Time zone, direct dialled

The future’s bright

It’s good to talk

The world is cheaper

One to one

Get connected.

Communications to a world

Beamed out, beamed around

Through and out the atmosphere

We have the technology to connect

Satellites used in outer space

To free the space

Transmit sounds, pictures, thoughts, emotions

From the most inhospitable

Inaccessible terrain and jungle

To the front page, front room, average home

We can touch the famine

We can feel the disease

We can smell the poverty

As the far-off majestic cities shrink

Ancient towns reduce to form

A replica of our civilised form

Here is the global village

The desecration of culture

The rape of heritage

The corruption of tradition

Yes, we can all drink Coca-Cola; we can all eat a McDonalds

We can all watch Disneytime

But what is the price?

We are well connected.

Call me

Let’s keep in touch

Keep connected

Accessible anytime

Anyplace, anywhere

Timezone, direct dialled

The future is bright

It’s good to talk

The world is cheaper

One to one

Get connected

The future’s bright. The future’s bright, the future’s bright…

So why in this darkness; when we’ve come this far,

When the line’s not busy,

When it’s still and cold

And can hear so clearly

Why is it silent?

Why don’t we talk?

-Caller, the line is busy. Will you wait?

Putting you on hold.

Engage and disengage

The line goes dead

Communication lost.