realize2actualize: hello there......:)
Maggie: hello and blessings!
realize2actualize: same to you
realize2actualize: what an interesting, sad, disturbing, but highly interesting site you sent to me yesterday
Maggie: it is..I don't like to go there
realize2actualize: I understand
Maggie: sometimes I go there to remember, and let go
realize2actualize: I would not be surprised if I used to talk to some of the girls who published poetry on that site
realize2actualize: very troubling
Maggie: which is why I want to figure out the relationships they have/had to compare..It is true that love is the cure..but in order to learn, sometimes one must understand the trial
realize2actualize: of course
Maggie: before the internet, I though I was the only one who did it
realize2actualize: and everything that happens to us are lessons we could learn from
Maggie: yes
realize2actualize: only problem is that many younger people do not have the coping skills
realize2actualize: so, when they hear people tell them bad things about themselves they internalize that and act out in some shape or form
realize2actualize: even to the extent of self harm
realize2actualize: because they feel disoriented, lonely, of no value whatsoever
Maggie: that is very true, how was it said/how was it done, was it a parent that disvalued them? Did the other parent see it, and do nothing
realize2actualize: so no wonder then they treat themselves the way that they do because that is what they learn from the world around
Maggie: yes..and the world to them is so small
Maggie: but I never heard of people carving themselves before I did it, I just did it, I carved what I felt
realize2actualize: it's like carving a message into a tree
Maggie: as a recovering cutter, I know that the faults of my parents is their issue, not mine, and I love them, and forgive them
realize2actualize: I sincerely hope that you never ever do anything like that again
realize2actualize: good for you to have come to this realization
Maggie: I am trying...trying with all of my soul.
realize2actualize: I bet you are
Maggie: it was my father that told me in his actions
Maggie: this August
Maggie: for the first time, I understood
realize2actualize: he told you what?
Maggie: then I forgave. it was so empowering
realize2actualize: you told him?
Maggie: no
Maggie: his behavior has not changed
Maggie: he is still the same dysfunctional man, and my mother is still the enabler
realize2actualize: but you have come to terms with that, right?
Maggie: yes!
realize2actualize: good for you
realize2actualize: very important to reach that point
Maggie: It was such a blessing.
realize2actualize: and to realize that the shortcomings and faults of our parents are not our fault
realize2actualize: I am sure it was
realize2actualize: and that we do not have to repeat their destructive patterns
Maggie: yes..please remember though the words and the internal scars still creep into my brain. And those feelings of inadequacy come back and throw me
Maggie: two days ago, those were one of those days
realize2actualize: I understand that this must be difficult
realize2actualize: yet, you understand that those scars can be healed, and that feelings of inadequacy are just that
realize2actualize: feelings
Maggie: yes..I know
realize2actualize: that this has nothing to do with the wonderful person you are
Maggie: ty
realize2actualize: anytime
realize2actualize: let your light shine I say, which is the best way to heal those wounds
Maggie: it helps to talk, and I am happy to know that you understand more...one day you might be able to help someone just like me come to the truth
Maggie: I like that, Let your light shine
realize2actualize: and fully embrace and love yourself, which is what I think God would want you to
realize2actualize: very glad to be of help
Maggie: A good friend sang me a song once...She sang me a LeAnn Rimes song, "THe light in your eyes."
Maggie: It will bring every cutter to tears
Maggie: don't ever lose that light in your eyes
realize2actualize: very true
realize2actualize: that sparkle
realize2actualize: the fire inside of you, never let that go out
realize2actualize: rather, let it burn and be seen by everybody you meet
Maggie: I do have one more small question
realize2actualize: ok
realize2actualize: please, ask
Maggie: The whole cutting thing started again during my brothers divorce. He got full custody. For the first year, he lived here. Now he lives with my parents. He has two little girls, ages 4 and 7. My dad is still the same. I can't tell my brother, cause he is like my dad, and my mom, as usal allows the verbal abuse...
Maggie: lol
Maggie: I'm a girl, I have to tell a story!
realize2actualize: we all do
realize2actualize: cause we all have a story
realize2actualize: anyway
realize2actualize: you can't tell your brother what?
Maggie: (the awaking for me is when I heard my father's verbal abuse to my nieces)
Maggie: it was bad
realize2actualize: you ever stand up to your father?
Maggie: I am offspring to him
Maggie: and yes..
Maggie: I have..
realize2actualize: good for you
Maggie: anger explodes
Maggie: not on me, on him
realize2actualize: you can learn to control that
Maggie: that's why it was easier to forgive
realize2actualize: and not allow him to abuse you verbally anymore
Maggie: that too
realize2actualize: but also to assert yourself
Maggie: what about the girls?
realize2actualize: and stand up for the truth
Maggie: I did pull my mother aside
Maggie: told her everything we talked about
Maggie: she cried..
Maggie: but she has to live with him
realize2actualize: maybe some professional intervention would be a good thing to suggest
Maggie: and my brother
Maggie: lol
Maggie: I hear that
realize2actualize: for the children�s sake
Maggie: had that when I was in the hospital at 15
Maggie: Mom and Dad were great for a year!
realize2actualize: that does not sound like a healthy, functional and loving environment for those girls to grow up in
realize2actualize: so what happened?
Maggie: I know...and you don't even know what was said..
realize2actualize: it does not take a brain surgeon to figure that one out
realize2actualize: everybody seems to be dealing with a lot of issues
realize2actualize: or rather not dealing with them
Maggie: I have actually laughed out loud recently thinking the same thing...the abusee learns before the abuser
realize2actualize: so maybe you can take a step in the right direction
realize2actualize: of course
Maggie: I try to get the girls every weekend
realize2actualize: because the abuser is blinded by rage and anger
Maggie: let them see a fairly normal family, with love, affections, and plain goofiness
Maggie: and I have talked to my daughter, and explained that Grandma and Grandpa are old, and very tired.
realize2actualize: ok
Maggie: does that just drain you
Maggie: doesn't that
realize2actualize: not at all
Maggie: it drains me just thinking about it
realize2actualize: I have heard many stories
Maggie: life is so much easier with love
realize2actualize: many troubles people have
realize2actualize: life is supposed to be love
Maggie: life is love
realize2actualize: it originated from love
Maggie: if you set the path
realize2actualize: if you are that path
realize2actualize: the path of love
Maggie: walk in love..or walk in anger, resentment
realize2actualize: and if you do not stray from it
realize2actualize: right
realize2actualize: it's basically all a choice
Maggie: I totally agree. What I need to do for my nieces is whatever I can, as long as its in love
realize2actualize: and also help them to see the love within them
realize2actualize: to develop and cultivate it
realize2actualize: regardless of the crap of their parents
realize2actualize: help them to find it within themselves
Maggie: it is so hard...their mom abandoned them
realize2actualize: that must be tough
Maggie: she hasn't seen them for over 2 years
Maggie: so it's multiple issues
realize2actualize: yet, it is not their fault, not life�s fault, not gods fault, but the fault of imperfect people
Maggie: quadruple
realize2actualize: I have those of my own
Maggie: fault of the choice to take the wrong path
realize2actualize: but issues are to be dealt with
realize2actualize: otherwise they will eat you alive
realize2actualize: as I said in my website, life is not what happens to you, but how you deal with what happens to you
realize2actualize: you are not the life you live, but how you live the life you live
Maggie: that is so nice
realize2actualize: it's easier said than done, but ultimately it all comes down to this
Maggie: life
Maggie: and choice
realize2actualize: how we deal with it
Maggie: yes
realize2actualize: and the choices we make
realize2actualize: and what kind of awareness we have
realize2actualize: and what we focus us, which ultimately creates our reality
realize2actualize: what we realize we actualize in some shape or form
Maggie: You have helped me get back to where I needed to be. Even yesterday, I thought about what you said...It's loving yourself. I don't know how many times I get tired of that phrase, but when you said it, I knew it was truth
realize2actualize: wonderful
realize2actualize: yeah
Maggie: :-P
Maggie: you see..some learn!
realize2actualize: I think only if we fully love and embrace ourselves can we be loving God as well
Maggie: it might take 33 years!
realize2actualize: I see
realize2actualize: better late than never
realize2actualize: I am 38 and in the process of rebuilding my life
realize2actualize: so yeah, it's never too late
realize2actualize: but you need to practice what you preach as well
realize2actualize: which I am sure you learn to do more and more
Maggie: its amazing how many hurtful things I said in the past, that never get spoken now
realize2actualize: said towards whom?
Maggie: just knowing that nothing good will ever come from negative
realize2actualize: right
realize2actualize: how could it
Maggie: towards Mom at times, towards my best friend since 8th grade...
realize2actualize: I see, but I am sure that you have learned from that
Maggie: I have...and it saddens me that I got so angry to say them
realize2actualize: if we never make any mistakes we never really can learn anything, right??
realize2actualize: so it's all part of the lesson plan
realize2actualize: no need to get saddened I think as you have learned
realize2actualize: which is all that matters
realize2actualize: to get better
Maggie: :-) okay..
Maggie: I send her a happy birthday card today..(my best friend) no response yet..lol
realize2actualize: oh well
Maggie: :-)
realize2actualize: ;)
Maggie: one day,
Maggie: one breath
Maggie: at a time
realize2actualize: I call it
realize2actualize: baby steps
realize2actualize: ;;)
realize2actualize: baby stepping away from all the crap and negativity towards total love
realize2actualize: total and unconditional love
realize2actualize: which only can be generated from within yourself
realize2actualize: which is what the ultimate message is, walk in and be that love
realize2actualize: regardless of all the crap
realize2actualize: that is the goal I think
realize2actualize: to learn that, at least for me it always was
realize2actualize: among others of course
realize2actualize: but I ramble again, sorry
Maggie: you can ramble anytime. I take your words to heart
Maggie: yes...I love almost all music
realize2actualize: grew up watching the show 'soul train' in germany
Maggie: I love soul train
realize2actualize: all different flavors
Maggie: R&B is still different flavors
realize2actualize: every music
realize2actualize: every person
realize2actualize: has a different flavor so to speak
realize2actualize: attached to them, different personality, mentality
realize2actualize: experiences
Maggie: Actually I wonder
realize2actualize: it's a good thing
realize2actualize: to wonder
realize2actualize: I had a good friend once who always said that when be was about to speak
realize2actualize: I wonder
realize2actualize: children do that always, you know
realize2actualize: sad thing that we loose that
Maggie: I like to say...many peace and blessings
realize2actualize: embrace life, embrace yourself, embrace one another and through this you embrace God
realize2actualize: so nice talking with you
Maggie: absolutely
realize2actualize: no doubt
Maggie: always!
realize2actualize: good bye for now
