REALICIDE
YOUTH RECORDS
Robert
Inhuman
Lyrics 2007
* PROMISE (CITY OF
I could love you without trying to
that's how I know it's for real and that is what I’m afraid of
impossible moments going through my fingers
the tighter I grip, all it is is my fingers on my palm though
“get out of bed - take off your clothes - I'm so tired - I'm so
tired”
"promised"
I promised
she don't speak to me no more
assurance is shit - promises and shit
like I was special?
no trust
I’m so tired
this summer find me remembering that deathly coldness of last
winter
I wish we'd married
I want so terminally
and still sometimes I can't think
my life - like a coma or I’ll die
words fail, body fails, my thoughts fail
opened up and filled with poison
cradled in my coma in this city of poison
there is nothing behind the face on my head
I am a wind-up toy and my decisions are mechanical
who did you think I was - who did I think I was
cradled in my coma in this city of poison
* LIFELONG EXIT 6/03/07 (Realicide live 2007)
life hits me fast but what do I mean
is this all, seems like nothing to me
I am bored while getting murdered
I try not to feel this way but I feel like I’m asleep
sometimes I feel like ain't no other way but this pain
find that bed to be my body bag when I’m afraid to be awake
when I’m awake yeah feel like shit
but when I’m half dead I can deal with it
feel like living is bullshit
life - that fucking tar pit yeah
is it worth it? is it fucking worth it?
she had told me "risk it for a worth despite the pain
cos pain is automatic anyway."
every day I think about dying
say hello and watch the agony of existing swallow me
your timing, like you'd know
fuck it but I'm still thinking of you all the time
my hands are open
my hands are empty
beyond patient
sometimes I swear I got nothing
cept some knives in my back
and a gun around the corner
looking for my head and it's always
just 5 minutes
then I’m dead
and I can swear one thing
you know I was looking
at least I was searching
my missing piece, precious beautiful
I want to die but I can't take action
I want to die and I'm waiting
my whole life, now more than ever
I am waiting.
* WAKING FROM THAT FINAL DREAM
I see you trying to speak to me but I hear nothing.
I feel like I am alone and laying down silently.
I can't sleep and I will not eat to save my life.
all I do is sleep, and wish myself into a coma
time races across my flesh
tearing and flawing and claiming it, stolen away
but my mind slows to a stop,
immersed in only a merky and stagnant dream
which appears like my one true face
but also somehow so alien and on-guard
I dream of tender puncturing.
I dream of the dark like never before.
and I dream of a figure I feared and would not look towards as a
child.
in my precious dream,
knowing the release and weight lifted from a crippled body,
the knowing of being over.
hanging on with raw skeletal knuckes
hanging on but not certain why
hanging lifeless by a suffocating hope
aching and rotting for a final splinter of life
pain; sickness; endlessly tired; lost; stay
away from me; this is failed; let go; get away.
* MY HATEFUL LOVER
if I listen to it I will die
if I look at it I will be irreparably crippled
each day of my life is a blossoming love letter you will never
read.
until you die, nothing changes.
when I was thirteen how could I know what a downward spiral was
bruised genitals alone awake but paralyzed
depression flows through me like oxygen
and you are the role of nothing but an intruder
my mind a holding cell, a jail
my optimistic front minute to minute, a jail
tonight I wed my beloved loneliness
star-crossed, sidereal, faithful
devils clogging all light
and strangled so intently and inevitably
by the next winter
my days are certainly numbered, not only numbed
I used to clean my wounds with your eyes
but now my home itself is a perpetual wound
I leave the knives in me
and you memory of me will be the knife turning in your guts
forever
* BRICKWALL HARDCORE 02/14/07 (Realicide live 2007, “The Shit Punks Hate”)
microphone bruises
I feel like I'm drowning
I count each minute
deadline time's up black exit let's go
I can't take this world no more
I never liked games, I feel it swallowing me
tear at digest me every minute, electronic cage
each word and touch pierces my clothing and skin
companionship is the gun at the back of my head
companionship is a bleeding cut on my body while I give her head
companionship is the taperecorded glass breaking and marrying my
skin
I can't stand being alone with my thoughts but when I'm with you I
know I'm just wasting them
every time stuck in a pit
thinking I wish this was REAL CIDE
then immediately thinking I wish real cide was something else
didn't you hear me gasping?
did you wonder what the fuck I'm trying to breathe in!!!
scraping and clutching like I'm gonna radiate an exit
like I'm gonna be a doorway
lord look at me drowning in my thoughts and brickwall hardcore
look at me as that junkie for more
or that shell starved dry or
that demented fiend - forgot what I was hoping for
every day is all night
even when I'm sleeping, caked in the friction of my mind
I dreamed of a kid stabbing another kid like an assassin
am I an assassin or did I just get stabbed
plague in my head
terminal - echoing continuously
crippled decisions drunk on isolation
plague dragging my legs every step I try and make
invading my guts with every breath I try and take
repossessed
replaced
renamed
erased
I found out anything can be erased
and I'm scanning for betrayal on my best friend's face
you'd bite my face when I lean to kiss you
* 01/20/07 DEATHBOMB (Realicide)
like drinking water
I've always been a punk rock reject
outcast among misfits - where the fuck don't they fit in?
it felt like drinking water!
I'm not a raver I'm a fucking reject
mixtapes of redundant rock n roll shitheads
- you told me hardcore was about being different?
DEATHBOMB
"free expression not retro fashion"
I screamed that shit while getting stabbed in the back
by the culture who told me to be myself
but I called their bluff and I'm gonna attack
DEATHBOMB
like drinking water
I've always been a punk rock reject
and if there ain't no risk then why the fuck are they after it?
real cide real death - change and reclaim
fucking hell with comfort and gonna take back that shit mane
DEATHBOMB
you lied to me when you said this was for me
you lied when you told me that hardcore was free speech
you had a labyrinth of rules set up to break me
you never had no interest in knowing my name
I'm fucking inhuman when I grip that fucking mic
and I know you hate gabber that's how I know I am alright
cos you're scum and you may have taught me about spikes, studs,
and a circle A
but this is death bomb and this shit is for today.
* THE AUDIENCE SUCKS 6/04/07 (Realicide)
what're you afraid of - afraid of human touch
outside of shit you seen in a movie
illusion is a virus out your mouth or on that screen
what do you boil down to - not fucking much
the audience sucks
I didn't see you at the show
no shit I knew you wouldn't go
you'd rather worship something on a stage
don't you ever feel like you need a change
and share in something instead of just pay
how old are you and still ain't got no name
I mean what the fuck
so watch me kick you off your fucking crutch
the audience sucks
when did you trade your name for a ticket
the audience sucks
did you ever have a name to call your own
why not?
who are you there I can't see you in the dark
afraid of what a world of cowards thinks of you
when they see you say "fuck this" and decide to take
charge
you'll expose them for the fiction they always were
the audience sucks
if that's all they want to be
you fucking suck
when you leave every word and action up to me
why did you come here
what did you want
what will you offer
yeah what the fuck have you got
* 01/21/07 OPEN EYES (Realicide live 2007)
I'm up all night every night
just to be alone I'll get my head together
and I look like shit outta fuckin "I ZOMBIE"
wonder will it be this way forever
my life - I thought if I concentrated
my life - but where is that taking me
I'm cold - to everyone who is close to me
I try - but have I been lying when I look at my self
what did I say I'll reach out to you?
what did I mean by that? I'll lift you up?
what do I got in me - to offer my self
fuck it what can I offer someone besides myself one time!
without first thinking about what will come back to directly
benefit me
my life - I thought if I concentrated
my life - but where is that taking me
I'm cold - to everybody who is close to me
I try - but have I been lying when I look at my self
what did I want - I always know
what I want - when I can't have
what I want - the easy way yeah
but watch this one time find out what I need
I'll find out what I need
when I look at my self
with open eyes - this time
* DELIVERANCE (NOW OR NEVER) 10/20/07 (Realicide live 2007)
there are kids who need this - NOW
but you don't seem to give a shit
spend your time fucking around - WHY
when those same kids drop dead are you ready to live with it?
they know these words
they've known for a long time
this urgency a way of every step and breath
it's not only yours - and it ain't only mine
hear about kids who are dying - NOW
their faces are emaciated and their lives muted
by a culture that couldn't deliver its shit on time
WHY
we've got the means
we've been given the moment to act
make it immediate
cos I can't live with a conscience flanked with death
we don't have forever
so it's do or die
so can you decide not to lie
decide now cos the only alternative is never
* I'M NOT A FUCKING DJ (Realicide)
NO I'm not a fucking DJ
paid in cash and sex and cheap laughs- fuck you
I'd rather be an electronic Crass
use my body like a knife and fucking slash
cos that's the only way I know how to dance
I'm not a fucking DJ
you look like a fucking zwinky
I'd rather look like I ain't got shit
cept some conviction in these chipped teeth
and I'm gonna fucking spit
my voice - my name
I am more than a buzzword
try to commodify me
you'll be sorry and I won't get paid
cos I'm not a fucking DJ
* HEAD PERFECT 2/22/07 (Realicide)
world looking like one big TV commercial
and I tighten my focus on death
privacy stripped away layer by layer
technology offers you my voice while disguising it
gives me a face while masking it
closer and closer
ironic by adding veils
I’m running faster
the world so intimate yet distant
running faster
but which way
and when I’m in a corner
I tighten my focus on death
backup plan
red button
excuse to escape
* 10/16/07
I feel stupid and pointless. How can I
have a worth to you when there is no hesitation to call a game what it is -
pointless. That is the way to live but also I realize my own worthlessness. I
am fleeting and infrequent; terminally momentary. What can I offer; you don't
fall back on art as a distraction - how can you live like that? I want to live
like that. I want to be forward and focused and not just pretend to have a
point and function. But I feel trapped in a cultural separation, like I don't
have it in me to be a fixture in the same world as you; just a brief glimpse;
enough time to feel admiration and respect, to be impressed and curious, to
notice you are beautiful in the ways that really matter to me, but no time to
mention any of these things at all. You know though, every time I see you
you're more beautiful to me.
* STARVING 09/30/07
jealous? fuck yes I'm desperately jealous
you make me sick
as I dread going to sleep alone
one more year that never was
pass me by, it's my strict way of life
* YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE
614 stop fucking calling me
614 in the middle of the night
614 I told you I wish you were dead
614 stay the fuck out of my life
"and your memory of me will be the knife turning in your guts
forever"
I don't want to know you're alive.
You'll never be a friend of mine
you crossed a fucking line
deranged daydream of murdering you
but I know I'll still fucking dream about you tonight
614 218 8587
my enemy, my devil inside my bitter crippled head
"some of them want to abuse you,
some of them want to be abused"
02/06/07
Today I went down on a girl who was
biting and scratching me while watching "The Price Is Right" and
arrogantly making racist comments about any black people appearing on the show.
She came hard. But I don't even like her; aroused by being dominated and
distressed and yeah it also turned out she's fucking racist too. If I can get
off some pseudo-nazi abercrombie raver watching TV while being beaten up, on
the first attempt within a few minutes, I feel like I can get most people off.
I'm pretty sure life is supposed to get a lot better than this though.
* 01/19/07 DISTANCE (“No Grip On Tomorrow”)
she said "you can do whatever you want to do to me"
then she layed there like a fleshy doll, like a dead body
she ain't got no passion and she didn't even open her eyes
hey my teenage raver empty lover why would I wanna fuck you?
fuck you like I'm killing time?
do you want to live and die together
...a faceless swarm ...a nameless whore
nah but when I got a gun stuck up into my face
there was a girl who wouldn't wanna go on without me
time goes by and that changed
but I got a taste of what it means to really have somebody
she said "if he shot you dead I wouldn't want to live
either"
time goes by and that went away
but I got a taste of what it means to ache for forever
prove it by touching me liar
do you want to live and die together
or do you wanna go numb, fucked by a faceless swarm
prove it by touching me liar
do you want to live and die together
or do you wanna go numb, fucked by a nameless whore
* KILL THE SOUNDMAN 6/09/07
I am about to
kill the sound man
"don't touch that dial we'll be back after this"
what the fuck are we paying you for
so again you wanna rob me
try robbing your own fucking body from the hospital
* NOBODY OWES YOU
I don't want to hate you
but you make it fucking hard not to
bullshit sob story attitude
as if every stranger fucking owes you
you look at me and target me
assume I've got the money you want
and don't even say the word "need"
cos you already bought yourself a beer
I don't owe you shit
and your pathetic hustle makes me sick
I said I don't owe you shit
so learn to fucking deal with it
you're not even hungry
and you're already drunk
do I look like I got money?
do I look like a fucking chump?
I don't owe you shit
and your pathetic hustle makes me sick
I said I don't owe you shit
so learn to fucking deal with it
* ROADSIDE BOMB (Realicide)
roadside bomb muggafukka
talk about the end of your life
high on strife
* NOT ENOUGH
it's not enough to just not kill yourself
* RABBIT ON GRAVEL
a speck of life atop vast cold alien death
* LOS ANGELES 12/17/07
punch me in my chipped teeth
I feel good as fuck tonight
got a destination and a dare to set shit right
you know I thought I'd be dead
I remember when I thought I was
but I got a reason and a energy straight ahead
gonna be homeless but I got no pain just cos
I'm coming to LA and I'm gonna see you there alright
my body is a bullet no matter what the fuck I look like
got a destination and the heart to hate where I've been
I'm coming to LA and I don't care what happens
* NARCISSISM 12/31/07
you used to go against the grain
but this year in the city of poison shit all seems the same
narcissism - procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til the joke's on you
narcissism - procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til yr just a joke
I always knew this city was poison
spent 6 years studying a dead end (this is my thesis)
but even my friends are infected and worthless
filled up with hate and addicted to sarcasm
ASSIMILATED!!!
being political don't mean shit except
stopping to show compassion for a life other than your own
and being in a band is fucking worthless
if instead of serving others you just act like you're owed
yo! you're a narcissistic asshole!
narcissism - procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til the joke's on you
narcissism - procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til yr just a joke…
The “scene” movement is nothing besides a
complete embrace of consumerist vices and a fiendishly blind eye turned to the
horrors dominating our world today. Irresponsibility, impatience favoring the
self, total narcissism fueling skin-deep flattery, these are the precise
qualities I’ve always despised in our species, and they are the door left
swinging wide open for any number of fascist authorities just like in so many
other instances in civilization’s fucking history. Don’t tell me to lighten up,
cos I got the nerve to at least admit the moments when there’s blood on my
hands. Can you tell the truth or will you clutch and die within that shield of
snide cynicism?