REALICIDE
YOUTH RECORDS
Robert
Inhuman
Lyrics 2006
DREAM OF REJECTION (“No Grip On Tomorrow”)
i had a dream today i was thown away like garbage
and every word i said came out like trash
as i poured my heart my blood my mind my life out from
behind locked doors
it was smashed
i had a dream last night you told me i was
worthless
not long ago i felt like i could be anything but
that
you said "i don't care what you thought you
saw
or what you thought you heard before"
you said "nothing is supposed to last; i'll
make sure it stays like that"
rejection
rejection out of fear - see my eyes - i'm addicted
to hell
and around every corner what you wanna do but dream
of solutions
rejection
rejection year by year - addicted to depression -
can't you tell
i dream of stepping up and breaking out
but what a delusion - is this a solution - fucking
shake this rejection
FOREVER
i need another lifetime
but this is all i got
every single day i live now
is special and worth each single moment
i am making certain of that
and
i won't give up
realizing
gradually what is right and wrong
i
will try to do what is right each moment
and i will always miss you
i will always love you
don't ever forget
me
i will always love you
another lifetime
there are things i still can't understand
* PARALYZED (“No Grip On Tomorrow”)
i wake up to the sound of music
but none of that shit can comfort me
cos i got no grip on tomarrow
and it's killing me
i look at my friends face to face
they don't know what the fuck to say to me
cos i'm not who it seems they thought i was
see me crumble my faith in everything
i wake up to the sound of myself
choking on my enemies
flooding through my mind my life
my every great or slightest abilities
i can't move, i can't talk
i can't live the way i'd dreamed
drop out now for who knows how long
depression - depression paralyzes me
look at my face now month by month
and yeah why the fuck would you come back to me
my insight too late, the timing is fucked
if there's one thing i am able to see
* LIE
decide whether or not to lie
* DON'T FUCK WITH ME
didn't have no father figure
all i got was a father's finger
pointing at me like i fucked up
i'm your flesh but i'm a cut
i'm your blood? fuck yeah
spilling out!
i hope i'm lethal - i know i'm fucking lethal
i'm gonna make you bleed to death
i'm gonna stomp out your last fucking breath
i'm gonna make you bleed to death
weight lifted off me as i shed that dead flesh
oh yeah! yeah! oh yeah!
i'm gonna make you bleed to death
you judging my life with even your last breath?
i'm gonna make you bleed to death
weight lifted off me as i shed that dead flesh
yeah! oh yeah yeah yeah!
you wanna fuck with me dad?
oughta go stick your cock in a broken mirror
i'm gonna make you bleed to death
you judging my life with your dying breath
i'm gonna make you bleed to death
shed my dead flesh...
didn't have no father figure
all i got was a father's finger
pointing at me like i fucked up
treat me with a bandage, i'm your flesh but i'm a cut
i'm your blood? fuck yeah
spilling out
i hope i'm yeah - i know i'm lethal, fuck yeah!
i know i'm lethal!
* THE MOTHERFUCKER
I will ALWAYS be your enemy
I will ALWAYS be your enemy
I can destroy you
slow to act, passive and sloth
everything I say, every muscle I move
is progress toward your death
you're all threats
EMPTY
I'm a threat to you
little boy stroke your life that's
EMPTY
that's not life
climb a ladder to shit
full time pure shit
buy me underwear cocksucker
but we're not gonna fuck
feel me destroy you
fuck it, you turned down life
I will ALWAYS be your enemy
I will ALWAYS be your enemy
nothing's lost
good boy loves mom and dad and church and taxes
TV full time purity
purity!
pure shit!!!
you're all threats
EMPTY
I'm a threat to you
little boy stroke your life that's
EMPTY
wanna be me with your hands on what you think I want
so humilating you'll never be me
turned down life at every opportunity
every drop of your blood exits your fearful body
into the floorboards, son.
* WORTHLESS ROCKER SMALLTALK
don't talk to me about music
don't talk to me about the way you spend your time
you fucking slime
but not like sexy, what I mean is I hate your life
workng long hours to pay for cable TV
suck your friends dick, he plays guitar you know
he can fucking solo
while you flip through channels
"wait, go back, that was MTV2, no I
don't like MTV either but wait I like this video the singer finally lost weight
and I just bought pants like his..."
* NO ENDING (SO FUCK OFF)
"are you done?"
don't you insult me
or talk to me at all
there is no ending
fucking ignorant or just a bitch
what do you care
lazy and want me to be lazy too
I don't want to be you
waiting for me to force you!
maybe I am talking down to you!
* PROVE ME WRONG
hobbies can fucking suck it
and sound for sound's sake fucking sucks too
don't you waste my time
tell me tell me tell me what
all you say or do is shit!
why are you here - in my fucking face
careful to keep every word you say vague
you're scared I'll find out you're still figuring shit
out
who the fuck isn't if they ain't it's a lie yeah
all you say or do is shit!
and expect me to automatically put up with it
tell me tell me tell me what
you're doing to lift a single life up
vague - scared - desperate
I won't stand by this
* PROTECT THEM FROM ME (“IDENTITY”)
why do I get the feeling you'd ditch me in a
nervous second
- stabbed in the back!
don't lie saying you wouldn't fuck any enemy of mine
- protect them from me!
human shield shit
regardless I can devastate
protect yourself from this
maybe you're right to be paranoid
protect my enemies
protect yourself
regardless, justice, violence, defenselessly
hostile
* TALKING ABOUT TV SHOWS AND SCORING DRUGS
hey! drugs!
who wants to talk about drugs
hey! beer!
who wants to talk about drinking
oh fuck! TV!
let's review these TV shows
what you doing after work?
gonna get fucked up and pass out in front of the TV.
gonna buy cable and i'm gonna buy some weed
i'm gonna buy a eightball and some sitcom dvd's
gonna spend my free time talking about drugs i wanna
buy
why lie? it's what i'll do
until i die
(the sooner the better)
* MY PURPOSE
I’m right, you’re wrong
I was born to elevate some things
others I was born to torture and destroy
we hate eachother
you despise my way of life
I hate your's 100%
everybody now just look at the earth
I'm right and it's my identity
it's my job, my career to destroy you
* HATE SACRIFICE
i sacrificed and scraped but all i got is hate
they say don't worry it gets so much better
i waited, i waited, and it never
- depression - watch it kill me
* i don't want to fall back on death...
i hope it's not the only way...
aching for embrace, fall
into the carassing arms of sadness, again my oldest
surviving friend,
beyond familiar your face is my own
i try through life to find someone similar
but your face is my own, your thoughts are my own
point of view
searching through life, looking at my self
in me my own end, in me done searching
* WONDER
who're you fucking at this moment
only hours after empty promises
minute by minute tell me
who're you letting crawl up inside of you
secret
shield me
what a small effort
only moments later forgotten
secret
secret
secret from me
instead of an arbitrary other
oh secret
* NO PHONE
no phone
no friend
no nothing
nothing
to do
no phone
nobody
no nothing
i got nothing to think of
nothing
to do
drown here in the basement
at least i can say i got a room
ain't got no windows
and ain't got nothing fucking at all to do
* START ALL OVER (to move forward)
i'll start all over
to move forward
have to
have to
i'd been waiting for yu to reach out to me
but you just pulled me back
debarked, defanged, sedated, sucks
i was waiting for you
to move
have to
but you just dug your heels in
put it off for some other day
some fiction time in your life, that shit ain't on
its way
i have to
have
to
i'll start all over
cos i got to move forward
doublecrossed, i should have known
and did
when i reach out for you, you inch away from me
when i reach out for you i can't move
but i thought "i have to"
have to
strength or death now, my newest time to be alive
i'd always held my breath every other time - what a
serious mistake
better off alone for now.
so i'll start over
so i can move forward
have
to
i have to
fuck that fiction change, i don't need you.
LIVE ALONE
born to try yeah i know
born to try and learn
then i live alone
finally now i'm all grown up
and i'm gonna live alone
no windows, and the doors are closed
make sure they're each locked
so i can call this my home
born to try yeah
try and learn
all grown up
and i know i gotta live alone
BETRAYAL
betrayal
waiting
i confided in you these things ruin me
and now i'm sitting here on our bed
in our bedroom
while you are somewhere fucking another
then curling up to a beautiful new sleep
you'd been waiting too - to sleep so deeply
for years to come
* everyone can see your cunt
and you definitely don't care
you're not a slut just so lazy
or maybe fucking both
my face is sore
what a feeling
* SECRET HATE
a lot can happen in two weeks, one week, one
hour, a second
you wouldn't even open your eyes or be thankful i
was home
mind made up despite any passion or hope for our
future
your mind had been made up for a very long time
convenience kept you comfortable
and comfort demanded hiding your hate
secret, welling up with sloth, secret hate
* start over to move forward
live what i said not just say it
routine was killing me
and i should've known who i could trust
not certain I believe in true love
but I know I am after true life
* LOS ANGELES
say it easy but you're so far away
i have no idea when i'll be back
my only chance, my only idea
out of reach, of all things by physical distance
- the power to dissolve my interest (in
the past)
i hope the distance can force me to find a way
i gotta get out, i gotta get back
10/21/06
cumming into your mouth - onto your body
into and onto us both equally - simultaneously
i love you - cover you and covered by you
I still know what you look like.
I'll never forget, and never regret.
SA CRI FICE
I have all the time in the world,
cos I've always, from so young, been out of time
already.
All the time in the world...
dwarfs any sacrifice.
into the light
more precious than time and records and words
I am afraid
my vulnerability surprises us both
starting again
new eyes slowly open and are flooded with light
angel - in more than name alone
let us serve eachother and all that surrounds us
messenger of something more
stepping forward, strength and courage
decide - more than words alone
made my choice
in more than words alone
after my death I am starting again
let me live a hundred fold what I had been
I am more
11/11/06
every moment I breathe
entirely captivated and astonished
every moment great and small
you radiate so brightly upon me
an angel - a magic - the fuel of my life
I become so delicate in your slender hands
entirely astonished and so at your mercy
* 11/14/06 (“No Grip On Tomorrow”)
in my dream
my most precious dream
we were making love to eachother again
it was like I hadn't fallen asleep
and we started with a sweetly hesitant kiss
staring into eachother's eyes
and saying things about forever
while pouring ourselves into one another
(pouring ourselves into one another...)
accept me as your perfect and beautiful lover
I am all yours...
11/19/06
taken away
stolen away
taken from me
every hour, every minute
I've been asking why
11/20/06
I want to be Jessica again. So much more tenderly and completely than before. In the
biggest bed we slept so safe, clutching eachother tight and warm, breathing
eachother with every serene moment through the night. We will wake together in
our big bed, and face the world outside without fear together. Not strangers.
Not by yourself. Not by myself. Healing strong and ready for what will be.
* MOMENT OF TRUTH 11/25/06 (“No Grip On Tomorrow”)
sleeping right beside you
where I wanna be
felt a void filled up
the closer you are to me
now I'm waiting again
wondering what is right and wrong
I want you
I want that special irreplaceable touch
and I'll keeping waiting
beyond patient, what I gotta be
thread of hope, thick or thin
what's the truth, I'll wait and see
moment of truth
hour by hour
down to split-moments
* 11/28/06 (“No Grip On Tomorrow”)
if you need to cum
I'll make you cum more sweetly
and if you need to be loved
I'll love you without a lie in my heart
...all yours
It's raining and cold again all of a sudden tonight. I know there
is a darkness creeping in all around me.
* ACHE 12/05/06 (“No Grip On Tomorrow”)
walking among these ruins of my life and times i
can't
lay my head down, let my eyes rest, without being
haunted by the very best
love i've learned i can't live without and i
know i'm only half of myself - these days - i'm
healing -
but still have lost that special feeling
and you're the only one who cares
in that special way i ache to share again