Gather ‘round the fire and let uncle T.J. tell you a story. It was back in 224 and I was at the tender age of 35. It was a good year, lots of monkeys roaming around, throwing fesses and what not. And because of all of those monkeys, I decided to take a trip to the zoo. I found out early on in life that it is really hard to buy beer in the zoo, so I brought in my own keg. No one noticed since I carefully concealed the keg in my pocket. I walked by the monkey cage to visit my best friend, Mike. Mike was a’swinging along the branches and was as happy as could be… then he saw me. The light reflected off my keg and hit him in the eyes, which sent him into a rage. He ripped the head off of the other monkey in the cage and chucked it right at my balls. I judo blocked it and the head fell to the ground. Then I had to go and see Andy the Alligator. Unfortunately, Andy was floating upside down in the water, so I decided to come back at a more convenient time. So then I went to where the elephants were and noticed something very strange. My friend, Greg the Giraffe, was mounting an elephant and having his way with it. They were going at it like 2 jackrabbits on the side of the road during naked time. Next, I traveled over to the cathouse and visited Justin the Jaguar. Justin is very suicidal and likes pain for some sick reason. This time, he was trying to chew his leg off. Last time it was constant ramming of his head into the wall. I went to see the reptile and what not next and saw Shawna the Snake. She was in a bad mood, bit me, and now I have two to three hours to live. Last, I had to visit Kellie the Kangaroo. She was indisposed though, punching and kicking the hell out of this security guard. He should be out of the hospital in a year or two depending on if he slips back into the coma or not. So the trip to the zoo was another big waste of my time. But, I finished all of the beer, so I was feeling pretty good. So I got into the car, hit the switch for the detonation devise, and, to make a long story short… Gather ‘round the fire and let uncle T.J. tell you a story.