Gather ‘round the fire and let uncle T.J. tell you a story. It was back in 1874 and I was at the age of 3.5. I was walking down the street with a tune in my head and a twinkle in my eye… at least until I fell into the ocean. I decided right then and there, “Hey, why don’t I just stay down here and check everything out?” Then I decided against it but I couldn’t move on account of the concussion. I slept for a little while on a nice bed of seaweed I’d landed on. I woke up to loud music and there was a crab singing about “under the sea” or something like that. I yelled, “Shut the hell up. I don’t care if we’re under water or not, you still smell really bad.” The crab walked under a little cave and I heard a gun shot. I started swimming on, since that asshole woke me up, to wherever I felt like going. I found some corral and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Then a shark pushed me into it and it all fell apart. As I walked away from it, I whistled a little tune to look inconspicuous (big word!). I tried to go across what looked like a street, but got hit by a school bus of fish. I flipped the bus off and it came back and ran over me a few more times, drove off, and I got up and swam on. During the rest of the course of the day I was multiply pushed by all the tentacles of this bitch ass squid, sexually harassed by a sea monkey, and mugged. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I hitched a ride on the first sea horse I could find and went back to the surface. After being overcharged by the horse, I was fed up. Just then, a dolphin came to the surface and with a smile said, “It’s alright uncle T.J., we’re not all bad.” Then he told me to keep my chin up as he swam back down. All of that, however, changed nothing. So I got a ride on an oil tanker, unhooked the barrels of oil, and, to make a long story short… Gather ‘round the fire and let uncle T.J. tell you a story.