Sorry about the long absence of stories, uncle T.J. went to Venice Beach for summer break, got drunk, and passed out for a few days. He just got out of the hospital two days ago and had just enough time to get this story off before he has to go to rehab. He won�t be alone, though, he has James Hetfield, Mariah Carey, and Den Affleck to keep him company. Ohh, the good times never stop. Anyway, I asked everyone to send me a plot. I have had a few with the same idea� scoring. So today�s story in a lighthearted romp entitled �Everybody Scores, but Not Everybody Wins.�

Gather �round the fire and let uncle T.J. tell you a story. It was back in 1682 and I was at the tended age of 36 and �. I had just waked up with a massive hangover and could smell nothing but pines and smoldering ash. I had no memory of the night before or even the night before that. There was only one thing I was almost sure of� I GOT LAID! I decided to go out and get a Slurpee before my busy day of Nintendo and The Weather Channel. On my way to the 14 twenty-two, I saw my friend Lyike. He told me, �Hey, I got some.� Then I said, �Great.� He walked away and I never saw Lyike again. In fact, I don�t even remember knowing anyone named Lyike in the first place. After the Slurpee, I got home and noticed my dog was with the neighbor�s dog. She looked happy and I was happy for her. I decided to walk around the block. After that pointless venture I went up to get another Slurpee. On the way there, I noticed many cars rocking, which made me wonder if there was an earthquake going on or if I had caught a bit of the second-hand weed coming from my dad�s room. I got into the 14 twenty-two and the guy originally behind the counter was in the back room with his girlfriend. I don�t know exactly what was going on back there, but there was a lot of squealing, at least until the gerbal ran out. A T.V. was on so I decided to watch it for a little while. Ted Koppel came on the screen and said, �In recent news, everybody in the world who is capable of having sex did today except uncle T.J.� Next thing I knew I was at home and I realized I didn�t have any of the sweet pie last night. So I went upstairs, put my face on the stove, turned it on and, to make a long story short� Gather �round the fire and let uncle T.J. tell you a story.