I’m writing this with the last thirty tylenol PMs I could find in my parents medicine cabinet 
floating somewhere along my digestive system... while chasing all the blues down with a fresh 
liter of cheap ass James Murphey whiskey. Some of the little blue pills seem to be stuck half 
way down, its like some ninja dropped caltrops into my esophagus. Fuck it, I’m already feeling 
tired of it all and the heat from this shitty whiskey is so inviting. Artificial warmth, almost 
like being delivered ass-backward, back into my mom’s cunt, home to stay. Only now instead of 
a hospital bed, it’s a cold unmade deathbed I see in the corner; waiting calmly for me. I want 
to sleep eternally, but this message in a bottle carries some sentimental weight, for a small 
part of me at least. So I’ll write ‘til my final heaving sigh is released or the dark spots 
take over everthing. One yellow light; a gargoyle and foreign, empty stares from pictures and 
posters are the only things left. Makes me think of why I’m here, now. It gives me something 
to do while waiting to die. 

This whiskey tastes like complete and utter shit. I don’t have a chaser, or even ice. All I can 
do is suck it straight from the bottle, and I just fucking spilled on myself like a baby but why 
the fuck should it matter. I’m trying to drown myself and I’m worried about the saltiness of the 
seawater? Jesus Christ you’re pathetic—-

Oh god, I almost threw up... fuck

I need to keep all these pills down, I can’t afford anything else. 
My money is gone. Burnt to dust by shallow ungrateful bitches fucking 
whores always take my money and love then strand me. I can’t wait to 
see Jess and May, Heather and Katie... all those girls, with purple 
tears on their rosy winter-stung cheeks, crying their asses off for me. 
The thought is sick and completely pathetic, but its all I got left. 
Cause it is your fucking fault, all of you. My ghost will haunt you forever. 

You too mom. Pay back all those hours you lost in a bottle with endless suffering for me. It will 
be Never-Fucking-Ending. I swear when you see me with my eyes rolled back into my head; mouth 
hanging open and the stench of vomit lingering, that will be the greatest moment of my life. I’m 
not exactly sure what this deadly combination of potions and pills will do to my body, but I can 
certainly feel the pressure on my mind. This feels nice actually... I wish I could finish this run 
off with some pussy, but if life were that forgiving I wouldn’t be doing this. The black fuzzy spots 
are dancing all around on the white walls, and seem to be distorting the objects in my room. A nice 
vibration is buzzing through my body.. wait a sec, that’s my mobile...

A text message has been received. 

I’m fumbling through menus with sweaty finger tips and the message reads:

“hey dave wtf are you doing tonight? lets get wasted or sumn”

Not that fucker... I quickly write a message back:
“I am killing myself, can’t leave the house.”

That should crack him up, 'til some static fuzzed over-emotional
 tear-soaked throat screams at him over the phone. I’ve known him 
for 12 years; since we were innocent brats, and it’ll serve the 
bastard right. I’m already laughing about it, I can’t wait. Oh shit.

Piss break. 

Funny how I bothered to wipe a pearl of urine off the head of my dick with a square of toilet paper. 
Part of my unconscious mind doesn’t want to go through with this, I can feel it dragging behind... 
what the fuck have I done? Leaving this chair seems to have awakened and stirred something up inside me... 
but I’m almost too sleepy to go on. I’m back but I feel so different..

I wonder if I’ll remain conscious through the end of this song? Bass rumbles... 
this ambient shit depresses the hell out of me. Wait, was that bass? Or my stomach? 
Some moody little piano clicks tap chord change interjected with haunting melody, 
this... this is perfect. I’m dizzy and my breaths are long and slow. Its so pretty 
when I close my eyes; currents of purple matter colliding in tidal waves of pixilated 
images everythings pulsating and breathing; I can see life, and it’s so beautiful, 
in a way. Only when you’re orbiting the outside of a bubble can you truly see the 
beauty it intrinsically reflects.

Well, I’m leaving the planet like drifting space rubble; I can feel the atmosphere 
burning through my outer shell. Almost there, I think. I can see the earth from up 
here and its so peaceful and blue and I feel like I’m leaving behind more than just 
continents and oceans. Faces fade slowly in and out from my mind’s eye, people I’ve 
known and loved on every corner of the ball. They’re all smiling at me. And what do 
I do in return? All my life its been nothing but shit and piss, bitching and moaning. 
Fuck them... time to own up to the consequences, I guess.

God, what the fuck am I saying. The phone is ringing again, and I can’t—-