"you wanna see emptiness?" maybe it she asked, eyes bright embers, teeth white, big grin, freckles, she held my hand, it was sticky, probably from sweat, or candy, or isn't a "sure, but i promised something, i gotta be home for dinner" curse? this girl -- older girl -- never met anything like her before, but that just means its gotta be special, she's got an orange dress on, and pigtails after "do you think i'm pretty?" all she asked, and of i course i knew the answer to this, i thought of it daily, before bed, in my dreams, e v e r y w a k i n g h o u r . . . and not .. "is the sky blue?" no ? she laughed "not if you're colour blind!" isn't it strange? ... 'tis colour- she replied, sticking her tongue out at me, and i thought of what that tongue could do, what i've SEEN it do, so i followed her... blindness ... its a d vacuum ... perfume strange o love? exhume ... human concept; w why does n altered forest perception the path, the long path through the dark shadows of trees, just her, ashley, and me, just two, not three as may have been implied, p p always forest a a seem to r r imply dis- but we were not alone m ? a a ability? e ? l l He who is soon sun sank, trees' shadows grew taller, and taller, animals stirred, her hand digging deeper into mine as the trail penetrates a s l l disabled deeper into the unknown, not known to me at least, (like so much it seems), as my fear of fear grows, as a tumor, as this tumor n s e e disables. grows. my fear grossly proportionate to love, ecstasy, boredom, apathy... something tells me that this so called i e l l n l o r emptiness g t l l t s l i i i yhep is truly a lie; that she is simply covering up for something else. even if there really is emptiness, this is not her perogative; e m n v Ngr noeta nothing is as it seems; the only truth is personal, but nothing is personal, the self is a refraction of light, the source being s i e e enesor ic all; the sun, the others; each shard breaks into equal halves, another shard is born and this shard breaks into another; transce- s l s s vipuitehe ndental or coincidental? i am who i am for when i was born the sun didnt shine. lies? ediossmw and now that the sun is sinking i feel closer to birth; death; some sort of fo- [9/21/83; regard this day in misery] rntieep reshadowing of the death that would occur in the blanket of starlight; the fro- [31/2/xx; this shall be my obituary] eit dt thing of cricket song, and the sweet smell of freshly uncovered dirt. | y . ? "start digging here" . ? she pointed to a dark spot in the soil, devoid of weed worm and warmth. it does not exist. . ? sevarg r "the ground is getting hard, i think i've hit clay" ytpme e the ground was getting hard, i'd probably hit clay, but i dont think i realized this at the time. dioved w The science of so fo s Doubtful. base and rudiment htaed n a function is pre- where's a anyway the clay was a meaningless barrier between my self and emptiness, posterous; there the a slight complication in what ashley deemed my "descent" why she chose must be some other cream n that exact word is a mystery, perhaps she merely liked the way it dripped explanation...? filling a off her pink tongue, miss-tuh-ree, miss tree; funny how, surrounded by Science seems so ... trees, organisms, a person and my self, i felt in good company. whoever said ...silly? Somethi- ...... d "alone in company" was full of.. you know what. just like this hole i was digging was full of ng tells me that bodies? ? n dirt we're missing a exactly i crucial bit of f the forest is dark and filled with shadows light is light information. If we look far and wide enough, maybe we can the shadows are dark and filled with forests light is nothing black is the reflection of all colours, can you eat light? fuschia anymore yes all colours imply everything; so why not a forest? can you smell light? funereal meaningless it still still, we see darkness as nothing, though it is everything can light kill you? fuck isn't is... and nothing. can you kill light? the answer is yes, watch me: everything . . . . . . . . keep in mind that the presence of one thing implies the . exact, polar opposite. coffee implies cigarettes, words . imply images, images imply blindness, and blindness implies... deafness? colour-blindness? when you cannot see, you see only darkness, and darkness is. i so i suppose you could say, using that logic, a movie is still.. s rcul that the grave was full of life. not moving anymore i a page c r two. i a rcul