rip flesh                                                                                                          i dont even
teeth                                                                                                            remember the day i turned
her bloodsoaked body                                                                                               16. three years ago to this day (thats a
glistens                                                                                                                                                lie)
as the beast                          i promised i'd tell you over coffee but i suppose that will have to wait.
peels the skin from her throat 
and slurps the gore,                                                          oh what a shame. its so sad.               still i dont remember it.
lascivious hunger                                                             booooooooooooooo hooooooooo.                                        my
her eyes turn grey                                                                                                                   g    n  i         mem
and over the phone                                                                                                               fast          d         o
she tells me that she                                              page                                                        as        or      a        r
she                                        sweet                  sixteen.                                                       this   u   d      f  si  y
still likes me,                                                                                                                      liq     ro  s.
but she doesnt know if its gonna work                                                                                                          wn
and i reply, tequila in my hand                                                                                                                   s'd
    i reply, i say you know i was just about to say same thing                                                                           lanretni     n
and she says, what were you going to say?                                                                                               v          n    i
    and i say i was going to say i think we're through                                                                                  o        g  i   m
and she says, why do you say that?                                                                                                       i          l
    and i say its just a feeling i got from... what day is it? is it wednesday                                                            ce i'm cack   y
and she says, its monday.                                                                                                                               m
    and i say, tuesday morning. right. yes. i got that feeling from saturday                                                                         in
and in my mind im the opposite of exultion; im screaming every obscenity, im spitting blood on the bible im dripping pus on the faces of mothers and
     but i just say i got this feeling that it was over, im not sure why, though i know inside that everything is wrong, upside down and tilted 75 deg
    and she says she still likes me                                                                                                                   r
and she sounds genuine, but so do i; cold, emotionless, laughing even, but that too is a lie; this is all built on lies                               e
     but she doesnt think she has time for me. with her friends here and all                                                                        se 
and oh yes, i probably dont have time either. but im not fucking my friends.                                                                      a
     but she wonders why i'm taking this so well                                                                    the world.                    n
and i say oh i just dont really give a fuck anymore                                                            mean                              d  her v
      if you'd called me earlier today or a day or two ago then it would be different                        i                                          o
     but now i'm drunk                                                                                         reh                                      i
and i really dont care about anything                                                                                fo                               c
and she sounds sad                                                                                                         k                         e
and i really dont care.                                                                                                      n
    it doesnt matter what she feels, i cant feel my way out of the banal                                                        i                 is sweet
this liquor is tricking me--                                                                                                      h                       b
                             you can't lie to me anymore                                                                            t                      u
                          its all around me i can't escape it                                                                                         eh  t
she uses me for one thing                                                                                                             i              r 
he wants me money, he wants my drugs                                           
                                                                                                                                       n            words are
  i dont want anything, i've learned not to want for when you want you desire and when you desire you                                 e                poison
  need and i dont need anything. food is secondary i just need liquid to keep my bones from drying up                                h
  i just need something warm to die on i sleep well so i dont cry in my death i dont want to wake  up                                 w
  shivering in hell thinking i should have lived my life better cared about something anything i just                                    l
  need an excuse to feel something but the only thing i feel is the growing warmth of isolation, lon-                                     r
  eliness and booze oh booze booze booze your embrace will never leave me; the psychology won't hurt                                     i
  at all just my liver if i live long enough to deteriorate well shit i am deteriorating mentally and                                 a g
  physically actually its all just crumbling to dust, the natural order of things i can't help but l-                             ust           fo    n
  ove the concept of sickness where everything just ends in a cough of blood and guts so dramatic its                            j          h          o
  depth eating into the core of the earth the core of my soul which sounds good but i dont really be-                                      e           i
  lieve in the soul just a bean bag buried somewhere in my chest like a dog toy chewed up and dusty i                             n         r           n
  remember when this kid told me my heart was black and i suppose its always been people always tell                               a                     i
  me i am cold and callous and emotionless and careless and apathetic and pathetic and i say i'm sor-                               h         b           f
  ry and i really mean it but the problem is that i'm just fucking male; i have a y chromosome i cant                                t         e          e
  help it who i am, biologically determined for one and mentally determined by the piece of shit soc-                                   e      i        d
  iety i inherited... why couldn't i simply have been born in the earlier years as a knight or a fis-                                     r     n         
  herman a king a peasant anything but an unemployed student hooked on various substances varying fr-                                     o    g         e
  om liquor to psychodelics to nicotine to caffeine to boredom to tea to the age old stone age jewel                                       m             h
  of denial the vagina that controls all the blasphemous core of the universe the glowing epitome of                                                      t
  life mother earth, dark mother, fleshy pinkness begging to be consumed eviscerated by the chaotic                                                  back,
  occurances of night and lust and it brings me back to her, to her, to her, to her, to her, to her, to her, to her, to her, to her, to infinity and

i can't stand it when somebody lies to me i can smell it miles away it takes two to know one and i'm worth at least a million.

so take a boat, leave your clothes, your family your mind your life leave everything to the fucking sea, let it decide just let go and lose your mind
just abandon every shred, every shard of what you are and fold it into a square of tissue and throw it into the ocean, a viking funeral, burn the boat
burn the brain eat your heart and spill the blood onto my eyes and i shall see everything you are and envelope your conscious into mine and our song
will spin on saintly violins and demonic cellos the pompous pounding of timpani rains out and i cant help but laugh at how ridiculous the world is