POETRY2

NOW I KNOW
by Alice Kerr

I never knew, when you lost your child,
What you were going through.
I wasn't there, I stayed away,
I just deserted you.

I didn't know the words to say,
I didn't know the things to do.
I think your pain so frightened me,
I didn't know how to comfort you.

And then one day my child died.
You were the first one there.
You quietly stayed by my side, listened,
and held me as I cried.

You didn't leave, you didn't go.
The lesson learned is . . . Now I know.

Listen Gentle People
Hear My Truest Needs

I hear you stumbling for words....... relax
There are no words.......

I hear you remembering a funny story
about my loved one and looking embarrassed because you are laughing.
Share it with me ~ ~ Let me laugh.

It gives me something to hold onto
in the middle of the night
when I feel only pain...

Be your happy self and let me be me.
On days when I can speak of my loved one,
I need you to share my memories......

You don't have to give me answers,
for I will learn to live without them.
You don't have to pretend my loved
one never existed, thinking I will
forget if you do.

Let me speak his name and
You speak it too.
He is always there, that one I loved so
deeply, always part of who I am.
If you take that from me I will be
less then who I am.

Friend

Don't tell me that you understand
Don't tell me that you know,
Don't tell me that I will survive
Or how I will surely grow.
Don't tell me that this is just a test
That I am truly blessed
That I am chosen for this task
Apart from all the rest.

Don't come at me with answers
That can only come from me,
Don't tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.

Don't stand in pious judgement
Of the bounds I must untie,
Don't tell me how to suffer
And don't tell me how to cry!

My life is filled with selfishness,
My pain is all I see,
But, I need you now,
I need your love, unconditionally.

Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, "My friend, I care."

Could You Please Just Listen?

Could you please just listen?

My baby has died. Please don't tell me you know how I feel .
You don't. You can't. I hope you never do. Don't tell me that
she's with God and I should be happy. How can I be happy
when every time I go to her nursery all I see is an empty crib
and toys that will never be played with? How can I be happy
when my arms ache to hold her?

Please don't tell me God needed another angel It's hard for
me to understand why God would take away this little one
who was so loved. Maybe I will understand later. But for
right now...let God find another angel. Please, please,
please don't tell me I'll have other children. Maybe I will...
but my daughter was not a puppy that ran away...
she can't be replaced.

Maybe you could just listen when I remember out loud
all the things we did together...the walks,the early
morning feedings, the first time she rolled over.
Maybe you could just sit with me while
I cry over all the things we'll never do together.

Please don't tell me it could be worse. How?

I really don't want to hear about your grandfather's death.
It's not the same. Don't think my pain will be eased by
comparison. Of course I'm glad that she didn't suffer,
but I'd be a lot happier if she hadn't died at all.

I know it must be hard for you, but would you mind looking
at her picture just one more time, we don't have many of her
and I'm just a little bit afraid that I may forget what she
looked like. She wasn't here that long you know.

Could you please just listen?

Don't tell me I'll get over it. There is no "over it", only
through it. Maybe you could just be with me while
I take my first steps through it. Please don't tell me I
should be glad she was just a baby, or that at least I
didn't get to know her. I knew her before I saw her.
She was a part of me. And now she's gone. I haven't
just lost a four-month old baby. I lost a part of myself.

I know you mean well, but please don't expect me to
tell you how to help me. I'd tell you if I knew, but right
now I can hardly put one foot in front of the other.
Maybe if you looked around, you could find some
things to do, like taking my dog for a walk, or doing
the dishes, or making some coffee.

PLEASE DON'T TRY TO REMOVE MY PAIN
OR DISTRACT ME FROM IT. I HAVE TO FEEL
THIS WAY FOR NOW.

~Debbie Gemmill

Look in My Eyes

Look in my eyes way deep within and tell me what you see?
Look in my eyes and please my friend, do not turn from me
Knowing death has aged my face, grief my hair turned grey
But I am in here somewhere, if only you would stay

Why do you turn to leave when I walk in the room
I once was met with smiles, now with only doom
I did not not die with him, I am alive in part
My body still will function, only death is in my heart.

Why do you panic so, afraid to speak his name?
Are you frightened you'll remind me because its not the same?
You need not be so nervous to look me in the eye
I need the reassurence that you will let me cry

I'm so sorry that his death has made you uncomfortable
I wish too that I"d go back and ease my wounded soul
Death is not contagious nor grief a common thread
Its okay to cry with me because you know he's dead

Look in my eyes, way deep within and tell me what you see
If you can look past this outer shell then you will finally see me.
I am alive in here you see and looking for some rest
If you can see through that my friend, then you have seen the best

Just Say "I'm Sorry"

You don't know how I feel; please don't tell me that you do
There's just one way to know--have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child"--must I hear this every day?
Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away?

Don't say it was "God's will"--that's not the God I know.
Would God, on purpose, break me heart, then watch as my tears flow?
"You have an angel in heaven--a precious child above."
But tell me, to whom here on earth shall I give this love?

"Aren't you better yet?" Is that what I heard you say?
No! A part of my heart aches and I'll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind, but it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child who has gone through death's door.

Don't say these things to me, although you do mean well.
They do not take my pain away; I must go through this hell.
I will get better, slow but sure--and it helps to have you near.
But a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear.

~Gail Fasolo

PLEASE SAY HIS NAME

Do you really think that I'm okay?
Though my son has gone away?
Do you think because I smile
I have forgotten for a while?

I have to tell you that you are wrong.
He's on my mind all day long.
Though I may not let it show
He's always on my mind you know.

Why do you turn when I speak his name?
Do you not know it causes more pain?
Can you comprehend how I feel?
My son was here...he was real.

I miss my child, but I must hide
The terrible pain I feel inside.
The lump in my throat it hurts so bad
Because I can't cry although I'm sad.

I can barely speak his name
For fear that it might cause "you" pain.
I miss my Josh...I miss him so
I just thought that you should know.

Even though I laugh and play
I didn't forget my son today.
Please say his name now and then.
Please...say "Josh" again.

~Debbie Derosier
JOSH
Mar. 27, 1985
Jun. 16, 1999