It's the odd little things that touch a raw nerve, one we thought was healed but wasn't - just forgotten. I've cried off and on all day today. We've finally had our 1st snow of the winter - a day I've always looked forward to. Today was the 1st snow since we lost Goldie too. His were always the first prints in the pristine white blanket of newness, but today they are missing. He seemed to like the snow, kinda odd for a cat - he always made a point of doing rounds when it had snowed. So today I watched the large flakes flutter softly down, and I cried for Goldie again. I hope you had a beautiful snowfall at the bridge little guardian.
We have domesticated living beings then through selective breeding (in some cases) changed them - the bottom line is these are not wild animals any longer (even those that are wild or feral are poorly suited to it) because of us. We have found means to extend their life span long beyond that it was in the wild - resulting in ailments they never faced in nature and younger ones that would not have survived natural selection surviving to develop horrific diseases.
We have a longer life span - my hubby told me that it is only fair that we do so that we can take care of our responsibilities to them, we have extended their life span making them subject to so much and so owe them to be responsible for the consequences. We owe them good care and love and safety/shelter, because we made them unsuited for the wilds - we owe them respect, because they are feeling, thinking souls we have trapped in our world who, even if they could return to the wilds cannot because in too many instances we have destroyed those habitats - and when we can no longer offer them comfort and healing at the end of their life's journey, we owe them a dignified release from pain and suffering. This is our debt to them - they only ever ask our love and they give so much in return - it is a painful debt to pay, but it is the only right thing to do at times. Yes, we will suffer that decision, it hurts - as it hurts to loose them no matter the time or the way. Yes, we wish to hold them forever and a day - but our creator knew that we have a debt and responsibility to these beautiful souls that needs we live longer.
But our creator is compassionate - he gave us a kindred spirit that draws those of us with a like inner heart together, because he realizes how painful loss and these decisions are for us, and he knows we need each other to hold to and lean upon. Because, despite all our flaws, he loves us too.
You have not "killed" your furbaby - you fullfilled your final debt to him and released him from a body that had become a prison and a life that was painful. You have allowed his spirit and soul to soar. He will never leave you, he has only changed his garments to ones you cannot yet see.
As to Rainbow Bridge - Hubby and I were discussing it one day and I commented that I prefer the visions of Rainbow bridge that do not exclude animals because they were never loved by or special to a human - he looked at me like I was crazy. What he said next blew my mind - "They have it all wrong about animals going to heaven. They do not need us to get into heaven - we need them." I think he may have a point.
Never feel bad about love, it is a wonderful gift. Remember that there is a second web, older than the internet, as old as life itself, composed of the life threads that weave all beings together. Many no longer feel those threads but they are none the less there. As proof look at this board and all of the lives that weave together to form it, these threads can form a protective cover to keep your soul warm and wrap you in its protection when you need it. When the pain and sorrow become more than you can handle let it shelter your soul, when it all feels like it's comming apart let it hold your world together. When you need it, feel the gentle vibrations along those threads - that is love and support comming to you.
