The new nun goes to her first confession.
She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wears panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says,
"That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.

The horny guy had just parked the car in lover's lane when his girlfriend announced that she wanted to break up with him.
"Aw, honey," he sighed. "How could you do this to me? At least let me look at it once more."
Being a good natured girl, she obliged, stepping out of the car and pulling up her skirt.
It was a moonless night, however, and the boyfriend couldn"t see a thing.
So he struck a match and bent over for a closer look.
"My God" he exclaimed,"can you pee through all that hair?"
"Of course," was the puzzled reply.
"Well you better, because it's on fire!!

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off you when you die.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q:What's the difference between condoms and coffins?
A:They both hold something stiff but one's coming and one's going!