HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
   Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is  especially
   effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
   these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to
   have to disagree with you there, Chachi."

4. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're
   doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes
   since you did this.

6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."

7. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

8. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people
   you're waiting for your document.

9. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have
   time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting.
   During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

10. Insist that your e-mail address be:
    "[email protected]

11. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want
    fries with that.

12. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate
    about the direction of one of your company's products.  Forward the
    mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

13. Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.

14. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
     chair dancing.

15. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

16. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

17. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

18. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny
    Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.

19. For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel
    in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how
    many you can catch in your mouth.

20. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the
    lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean
    back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than
    that."

21. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
    over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.