What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.

What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?
Its Braille for "suck here."

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
Jewely and Lipstick.

Why do women have breasts?
So men will talk to them.

What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
You come in one and go in the other.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go
they take your house and car with them.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years your job will still suck.

What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence.

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
Marriage.

Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away. (boooooo!!)

Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance
than to improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts
that a 25 year old doesn't?
Her navel.

Why are women like screen doors?
Once they get banged a few times they loosen up.

What's a wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
[now, that wasn't nice! ]

How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your penis on the curtains.

What do you call a Playboy center-fold who's a lesbian?
Bitch.

How can a woman tell she's flat chested?
She looks down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.

Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.
[That's BAAAADDDD!! ]

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

Why did God make man first?
He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

What's the definition of a male chauvinistic pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's' body, except his own.

Why was the woman crossing the road?
Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen? [ SSSSS..!! ]

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed.