Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
Do I look like a freakin' people person?
This isn't an office -- It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
Better living through denial.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Adult child of alien invaders.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
Back off! You're standing in my aura.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Adults are just kids who owe money.
One of us is thinking about sex.....   OK, it's me.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. 
Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
Earth is full. Go home.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
I plead contemporary insanity.
I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
It ain't the size, it's..... no wait -- it IS the size.
Meandering to a different drummer.
I majored in Liberal Arts.   Will that be for here or to go?