GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY
OF THIS:
1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come
home with the wrong thing.

3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the
screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. 
Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much 
better chance of getting an immediate response.

4) When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a
commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel
back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel 
surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

5) If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing
to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is
half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

6) If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do
something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend
to discuss it.

5) If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would
appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling
alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

6) I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

7) Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And
remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what 
the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.

8) Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain
accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation 
and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

9) If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you
should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. 
And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you 
expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

10) I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

11) Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd
background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.