1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your
   clothes when the light goes out.
 
2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
 
3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday
   please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
 
4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot
   and stand upside down on the draining board.
 
5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this
   door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side
   entrance)
 
6. OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles,
   washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a 
   wonderful bargain.
 
7. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments
   here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
 
8. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
 
9. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
 
10. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't
    know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
 
11. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell
    you how to get lessons.
 
12. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard
    on the door - the bell doesn't work)
 
13. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order.
    Please use floor below.