A contest was held for people to submit their theories on any subject. 


4th RUNNER-UP:  If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite
number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the
world's great literary works in Braille.
 
3rd RUNNER-UP:  Why Yawning Is Contagious:  You yawn to equalize the
pressure on your eardrums.  This change outside your eardrums unbalances
other people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.
 
2nd RUNNER-UP:  Communist China is technologically underdeveloped
because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to 
communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP:  The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought 
in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin 
dangerously fast.

**  HONORABLE MENTION:  The quantity of consonants in the English
language is constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in
another.

When a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the lost R's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells. 

GRAND PRIZE WINNER:  When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its
feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side
facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; 
the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground.  With a giant buttered 
cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.