Subj: FW: More funny headlines! Actual Newspaper Headlines/ads: 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART DOG 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 TICKLE ME ELMO. NEW IN BOX. HARDLY TICKLED. $700 BLACK FACE COWS, CALVES...ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. '83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000 VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15 DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK PUMPED. FREE PUPPIES: ? COCKER SPANIEL - ? SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE - 89cents GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3BR 2 BTH HOME. FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50 CHARMIN ULTRA BATHROOM TISSUE-BONELESS NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER BE A REWARD. GET A LITTLE JOHN - THE TRAVELING URINAL - HOLDS 2 ? BOTTLES OF BEER. PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5 HANDS FOR HEALTH - HEIDI HOAR - REGISTERED MASSAGE THERAPIST HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb. FOR RENT - VIBRATOR - WELL USED CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN-FROST FREE! BARBIE COUNTRY RIDE -- (note: most dolls cannot pedal the bike). '93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100 KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME. TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD. EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300. LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY. ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER WOMEN - ANY SIZE - FREE BUTT MASSAGE These 2 headlines were articles next to each other on the same page: BREASTFEEDING MONTH SLATED and REPORT: MEN NEED TO DRINK MILK TOO CHICKEN & DUMPING DINNER TO BE HELD SATURDAY GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb. GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL. BAR S SLICED BALOGNA - REGULAR OR TASTY - SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2 OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREE COFFEE & DONUTS FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.