Introducing the Door Handle-no-more©. The patented invention by The Foundation of Nude Beach Pickpockets™, the company that brought you the Solar Powered Flashlight© and the Battery Powered Battery Recharger©.
You may be saying, “Isn't this just another shoddy product?” That's incorrect! It's also a shoddy service! Actually, for only $400, you both get the rare product (sorry, but products are scarce. Uranium is in short supply for this product and many people have keyless entry already (plus, we need to feed our families, (or girlfriends (who are definitly real... *shifty eyed*)))) For $400.99 you get the product to be placed into your car, so they unlock even when the handle is pulled to it's maximum extent. And to get that product within your car, we'll send over our representative to see when we could possibly get a personelle over to your house to install it.
That's right, for $404.00, get the product that will save you lots of wasted time hitting the unlock button to get your bratty children into the car, and it will reduce carpelle tunnel syndrom!. (note: people who already suffer will not be garanteed recovery) It is the latest rave for quasi-rich people. Brag at the water cooler over this one, baby! It'll be the best buy you ever made.
Made using only American (by American, we mean South American Brazilian children) workers, you'll be allowed your cut of the share and supporting OUR economy. Since Supply and Demand rule us all under a supreme dictatorship, (only $499.99, remember that) you are suffered to pay higher prices. Scarcity is what we have to live with, being that as it may, price needs to be raised. Even was we speak (electronically), the amount of resources we have deminish. Order now!
Try our foreign version Dür Handle-no-more, for foreign cars! Only $515.40!!!
Note: Physics dictates that all matter is 99.99% empty space. The existance of this product is not garanteed. This product is not a life saving device. Not a good inching finger. New Hot Cakes smell, so they sell like them! Reading this is harmful for your health. I would also like to apologize for this project, though I hope it has entertained you for the full most.