To first learn a background of Macbeth, click here. (Highly Recommended)
Scene I
Dunsinane Hill.
A battle rages- Macbeth and Macduff are seen fighting, as the Egg Army approaches.
-Gen. Y: Oy, look, it�s a couple of fighting humans. Lets finish the job they have started!
They charge. Macduff is mortally wounded, Macbeth escapes.
-Macd: Arrgh�My life is a failure, Macbeth�he lives�.(dies).
-Gen. Y: Curses, one got away� we must finish our job. He will be eliminated, with all of his troops. NO MERCY!!!!! Exeunt.
Scene II
A heath in Birnam Wood.
A hermit appears.
-Hermit: Fair is foul and foul is fair, aw who cares?!
General Yolkavich and his army march in.
-Hermit: Hey, get off my land!!
-Gen. Y: We�ll set up camp here for tonight.
-Hermit: I said, off my land!!
-Gen. Y: Thanks, but no thanks. Now get out! (kicks Hermit)
-Hermit: Fine, I didn�t want to stay anyway. (aside) They cracked me too! Where�s my duct tape� (Exits, grumbling)
-Gen. Y: Aw, screw him. Anyway�we attack Forres tommorow at dawn. Sleep, my great warriors, for tommorow, we�ll crack his shell!! Exeunt.
Scene III
Forres.
-Macb: What happened to Macduff? By mine own eyes an army of eggs came hither and slaughtered my mortal enemy. How can this be? (Enter Banquo�s ghost) Aw, go away. I knoweth thou is dead and you�re not very scary anymore. Leave before I find Fleance. (Ghost gets scared and exits.) Anyways�um�where was I? These long soliloquiys are hard to memorize! Oh yes�The egg army hath magnificent strength! I could try to make allies with them. When they hence come hither, I shall create a strong alliance and destroy all those not of woman born (and those women born who I don�t like). Seyton, come hither���..Yo Seyton, that�s your cue!
-Sey: Oops, sorry�I mean, yes, sire, what do you desire?
-Macb: I want you to find those eggs and ask them to come hither. I wish to make peace.
-Sey: Yes, sire, I will leave at once. Exeunt.
Scene IV
The Egg Army�s camp.
-Gen Y: It�s morning ladies. Up an� at �em!
Enter Seyton
-Sey: Word from Forres. The great Macbeth wishes that you come to talk of peace. He sees you eggs as formidable allies.
-Gen. Y: Oh, we�ll come to Forres alright, but not for peace!
-All Eggs: We Shall Rule The Universe!!!!!!!
-Sey: I will not leave until you agree to come in peace.
-Gen. Y: Then you and your peace can stay right here. Sic 'em boys! (The Eggs attack, Seyton is obliterated) We have felled the servant, now for the master. On to Forres, and to victory!
Exeunt.
Scene V
Forres. Interior of the Castle.
-Macb: Ah, The Egg Army approaches at last...but wait! They come bearing Seyton's head on a Birnam tree branch! Great lords- the prophecies are refulfilling themselves! We are in grave danger! Sound the alarm, and the alarum while you're at it! To battle! (Aside) And most likely, to our dooms! Exeunt.
Scene VI
A field. War rages.
-Macb: These creatures fight inhumanely! They are breaking all the rules of war!
-Gen. Y: Well, duh- we are eggs, we aren't supposed to be humane, idiot!
-Macb: Oh...right...no matter, none of women born shall destroy me!
-Gen. Y: You moron. We are eggs. We come from chickens. Must I tell you in another language?!
-Macb: Well, I do know French...
-Gen. Y: Fine- Tu es un idiot! Nous sommes des ouvres! Nous sommes nes des poulets!
-Macb: Oh, now I understand...evrything is clear now...I've had an enlightenment...I'm screwed.
-Gen. Y: Yes, we've established that. Moving right along... Now, as my mighty army of eggs surrounds you (militia eggs surround Macbeth) your impending doom awaits. Sic 'em boys. (They fight, Macbeth is skewered and close to death) Ha ha, I WIN!!!! (Enter Witches)
-First Witch: We told you!
-Second Witch: You were screwed!
-Third Witch: You stupid moron.
-Macb: Yeah, I know. Stupid traits of the tragic hero! (Dies a painful death) Exeunt.
-Third Person Omnicent Narrator: So, the moral of the story is... Don't mess with the divine right of kings, or of eggs, for that matter!
