TORRE RESPONDS TO LEAGUE SCANDAL

BRONX, NY---Joe Torre, Manager of the Barney's Bad Boys, made an announcement Thursday in response to allegations of substance abuse in the league.

"I knew those Courthouse Junkies were on the juice," Torre said.  “Besides Sabathia hangin’ out in the hood and getting held up at knife-point, we don’t have any shenanigans on our club."

"I hope they all get beer guts," Torre said in disgust.

"I just need some proof that Slug Sauce is not on the level and I'm appealing last season. I've got some mafia buddies that are looking out for my best interest if you know what I mean."

Torre left the press conference shaking his head. He was caught mumbling "I hope their nads shrivel up" under his breath.