APRIL
8, 2001
WASHINGTON
D.C. -- Jessie "The Body" Ventura, manager of the Courthouse Junkies,
is calling on a new structure to the Friends League -- "The season should
only consist of the first week of the season."
If
the new rule is adopted by a majority of the league owners, the season would immediately
end and Ventura's team will be the winner of the 2001 Friends League.
"I
think the other owners will vote for the rule change," said Mark Scott,
owner of the Junkies. A side note, Scott's team is leading the league after one
week. "Why mess around with the
rest of the season? Get it over with early. Plus, the new rule would mean Andy
would finish last. Come on! The owners
have to like the idea of that!!"
In
an unrelated story, Ventura used a baseball bat to beat the crap out of Rick
Helling, who sucked a penis for the second consecutive start. "I'm sure he will pitch better in his
next outing."