Commissioner 'Losing It'

 

RUSSELLVILLE, Ark. -- Direct from "League Headquarters," Friends League Commissioner D. Dan Shoptaw shockingly admitted he recently had a "brain cramp." Shoptaw's critics lined up to characterize the event as the commissioner's demise, saying, "he's losing it." It was Shoptaw's first such admission.

 

"It all went downhill for Dan, Dan Shoptaw after he got married," said Jason Brown, who himself had not been heard from since his wedding more than two years ago. "I keep telling him 'laces out,' but he never

listens to me."

 

Added Scott Hinterthuer, "I sure am hungry!!" Hinterthuer went on to compare Shoptaw's "brain cramp" to the 1984 St. Louis Blues, for some reason no one could logically figure out.

 

Others said Shoptaw isn't "losing it," rather trying to fake out his opponents who may be under-estimating his team, especially after seeing which 10 players he protected.

 

"Who are these guys?" said one man, sitting at a bar wearing a Cleveland Indians Hard Hat. Observed Shoptaw's head groundskeeper -- "They're s***ty."