KNOBLAUCH TO RECEIVE HELP
Washington, D.C. -- Courthouse Junkies manager Richard Belding has announced team second baseman Chuck Knoblauch will receive serious mental counseling after the trauma he suffered by the confusion surrounding his alleged transfer to Andy's team. Upon hearing Andy had picked him up to play for his team, Knoblauch was overheard on a Delta flight muttering, "wait a freaking second, I already have a team!"
He switched planes and returned to the Courthouse Junkies, where he has consistently sucked all year.
"I'm disappointed in Andy's strange and bewildering attempt to steal Chuck Knoblauch," Belding told media representatives Friday, anchored by his faithful sidekick Screech. "What was he thinking? If he was going to steal a player, why in the heck didn't he steal a player worth a crap? I mean, if he wanted Chuck that bad, I would have traded him for a can of Pringles and a six-pack of Yoohoo."
Knoblauch wandered the streets of D.C. upon his return there, where he was mugged fondled by a Boy Scout troop leader. He compared the experience to the thoughts of having to play on Andy's team!!
Belding said he has hired professional photojournalist Scott Hinterthuer
to video tape the team to ensure more players weren't stolen by other
teams.
Asked for comment, Hinterthuer responded, "I sure am hungry!"
Belding has also contacted league commissioner D. Dan Shoptaw, asking the commissioner to suspend Stroud from having "wickie-wickie" for a week. Upon hearing Shoptaw didn't want to be on hand to enforce that rule, Belding asked for Stroud to be forced to wear Shoptaw's game-day shoes while walking along the University of Arkansas campus.
Hinterthuer also chimed in -- "Chickie blee, the Bro was on!!!"
Contacted for comment Friday, team owner Mark Scott acknowledged the mistake as "human error" and said he appreciated Andy's ability to "take a joke."
"I'm honored Andy would want one of my players," Scott said. "It gives me the encouragement to know I might just win the entire league this year!!"