FRIENDS LEAGUE BASEBALL TO BE SAUCED AGAIN

 

            Russellville, AR (AP)—If a preseason poll by the owners is correct, Slug Sauce will be celebrating again come October.

            Andy Stroud’s entry is favored to again win the title, receiving two first-place votes and 32 points overall.  Points were tabulated on a 6-5-4-3-2-1 scale and owners were not allowed to vote for themselves.

            “I think it’s a testament to the hard work I’ve put into dominating this league the last couple of years,” commented Stroud.  “I plan on kicking some major butt again this year.”

            Indeed, FLB has never had a winner other than the Stroud team, which is starting its first year with the Slug Sauce title.

            Voted most likely to unseat Stroud was Smokies, owned by Chad Skelton.  Skelton actually received more first place votes (three), but only acquired 28 points total.

            “We’ve finished second two years, and that’s two years too many,” an aggrieved Skelton noted.  “I know we took some big risks last year, but if it means we can win, we’ll do the same this year.  It’s time for us to win!”

            Skelton’s Memphis competitor, Mark Shively, was picked to finish third.  Shively received the remaining two first place votes and totaled 27 overall.

            “We’re taking this league this year,” stated Shively.  “The World Is Not Enough is tired of finishing in the middle of the pack.  We’ve got some new trick plays that our strategist Q has come up with, so we feel we have a fighting chance.”

            Fourth place goes to Robert Arnwine and the Texas Twisters, who garnered 21 points.  “We’ll surprise some people, then,” Arnwine was quoted as saying when he found out the results.  “We are not a fourth-place team.  Andy better watch his back, ‘cause here we come.”

            The voting resulted in a tie for fifth place, as both Mark Scott’s Courthouse Junkies and commissioner Daniel Shoptaw’s Padawan Learners received 14 points.

            “There is no way we are tying with that excuse for a commissioner,” Scott’s manager Jesse Ventura said.  “We’ll pile drive him!”

            Scott quickly hurried Ventura off the stage and returned to issue more usual comments, such as “we’re taking it one week at a time” and “we have a lot of respect for the other teams.”  “You have to tip your cap to them,” Scott concluded.

            The commissioner was unfazed by Ventura’s remarks.  “No, I’m not going to issue fines.  You can’t control Jesse, and he’s bigger than I am, anyway.”

            “I think we have a good young team,” Shoptaw continued.  “I think we might surprise some people, if everyone comes through like I hope they will.”

            Finishing last in the voting was Matt Scott, owner of Barney’s Bad Boys.  He took the results in stride, however.

            “I can see how people can overlook my team, and we have been historically weak.  But we’ve got motivation now.  Wait and see how we use it.”

            The Friends League Baseball season kicked off April 1, with first stats posted being through April 5.