LEARNERS RELUCTANTLY RELEASE ANKIEL

 

                Russellville, AR (AP)—Ending weeks of speculation, the Padawan Learners finally released troubled lefthander Rick Ankiel.

                The move was actually made a couple of weeks ago, but no formal announcement had been made due to owner Daniel Shoptaw being on a family vacation.

                Shoptaw was almost moved to tears as he spoke about the move.  “We thought about bringing an ace into to cover for him, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to be able to compete effectively for some time.  We’ll keep an eye on him, however.”

                Ankiel said, “I realize that the organization had to go in this direction, and I plan on working hard to get back here.  Hopefully it won’t be long.”

                Unfortunately, an embarrassing moment occurred late in the press conference.  Shoptaw almost broke down in tears and Ankiel tried to toss a box of Kleenex to him.  The Kleenex wound up three rows deep into the press corp.

                Ankiel has been replaced with Jeff Weaver, who is excited about his shot on the Learners.

                “I’m pumped about being here, but I plan on taking it one day at a time and staying within myself,” stated Weaver.

                When told that he had missed a few clichés, Weaver immediately asked for a list so he could practice them.

                Shoptaw has not ruled out trading for a big-time pitcher to help his struggling staff.

                “We are discussions right now, but nothing is really close.  Hopefully we can make something happen in the next couple of weeks.”