Thoughts spin in my head 24/7. It just doesn't stop. The more I think, the more I think.
Everything seems to be played out, happening because they are intended to happen,
being because they need to be. To teach me, to torture me, to nuture me, to entice me,
to paralyze me, to excite me, to touch me; to feed me. Fed? I am full. Full of what?
Full of shit lol. Really. I am full of everything and it needs to free itself of me because I am
agonized by non-recognition. I need the voice to speak my truth, my lies, my cries and my youth.
I need to be heard because I need to be known. Know me from the inside out, see me for who I am.
This is the main act and I am the star. Of course I am, I mean... this is mine, this is my creation,
this is my game, my rules, my way; mine. An actor, I am an actor and I play in my own movie
called "My life". Will you come see what flows through this spinning analogy of my mind,
my thoughts, my feelings? Will you sit and watch and wait for me to self-destruct?
A cinema produced by my own life, directed by some unknown force in between me and whatever.
Some people do things to me. James Keenan Maynard is one of them. And now that I know more
I am even more perplexed and surprised by this man's intelligence. WOW! How I am so complicated
and vague makes me want to attach to those who know so much. I am jealous and I envy yet I do not
want theirs, I only want my own. Im my mind, in my reality, in my senses I am only but myself
plastered together from pieces that belong to others. A piece of art created by which? By whom?
And why? Is this the intent, for me to feel this inside me? This passion, this need, this explosion?
How can I live really when everything is in my soul? Do I need this body? Why must I be attached,
when will I be freed? Will my words ever make another weep? Will my words ever make you weak?
Will my words ever be as intense as they are for me? My sexuality is in my mind, you can touch me
all you want with your hands, but if you cannot touch me with your words I cannot feel your hands.
I am not numb, I am only more than my skin. Caress me with your gentle surmons, arouse me with
your intelligent blow, I am your student, teach me to be. Put me to sleep and let me slumber longer,
wait til they are ready then come back for me. Do not forget me, one day I will be needed but now,
everything, so untrue, such a lie, so blurry... I cannot forget them. Wake me up when the time is right,
wake me up when they see the light...
