Dealing With Defeat

James 3:2  

James 3:2 KJV 2For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.

Sooner or later everyone will fail at something. Failure is a universal experience. In fact the word of God says in James 3:2 2 We  all stumble in many ways. The New Century Version says, “2 We all make many mistakes. The New King James Version says, “2For we all stumble in many things. The New Revised Standard Version says, 2 For all of us make many mistakes.” This does not give us the right to haphazardly live our lives as though nothing mattered. This does not mean that we throw caution unto the wind and live just any way that we please. James is just simply pointing out a fact of life and that fact is that everyone at one time or another will fail at something. There are some here today who have had more failures than successes. I also want to point out that God does have a set standard that we are to live by. So again we are not free to throw caution to the wind and live our lives anyway we want to. James is pointing out to us that making mistakes, stumbling, and failing is a part of life and we should expect. Those who are devastated the most by their failures are those who think and believe that you can live life without ever making a single mistake.

We all have setbacks, failures, defeats, and losses in life.  Nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Our failures and defeats in life can have a devastating effect on our lives if not properly dealt with or handled with the right attitude and frame of mind. In fact the setbacks and defeats that we face in life can make us feel like Job felt. Job 17:11 11My days are past; my purposes are broken off, even the thoughts of my heart. What is Job saying? Job is saying, “ It’s over, my hope has disappeared, my hearts desires have been destroyed and my dreams have been shattered. There’s nothing left for me.” Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt that because of a failure or defeat in life that it was all over? Have you ever felt like your hope for the future had vanished? Have you ever felt like your desires and dreams were shattered? If you have ever felt like your dreams have been shattered and your hope for the future was gone that means that you are a part of the human race. When we feel this way we feel defeated in life but it doesn’t have to end that way. You can conquer those feelings of defeat and failure and move on to a brighter future if you will just learn from how to Deal With Defeat.

John Maxwell said, “The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure.” Another writer said, “There is no doubt in my mind that there are many ways to be a winner, but there is only one way to be a looser and that is to fail and not look beyond the failure.  In other words people that achieve success and win at life are those that have a proper perception of and response to failure. They learn from their experience and look beyond the failure to the future and as a result become a better person.

Failure is a training process that we go throw on our way to success.  In other words you and I are not going to succeed without some amount of failure along the way. The good news is that our failure does not have to be fatal or final.

The problem with us is that we have a fear of failure. Fear of failure will do three things to us.

We need to understand that failing at accomplishing something does not make one a failure. What makes a person a failure is their refusal to get up and get back in the game.

You need to remember that " your failures are not final and  just because you fail at something does not make you a failure " !!!

We also need to remember that God is not surprised by our failures. Jesus knew about and foretold of Peter’s denial and failure in Matthew 26:33-34 33Peter answered and said unto him, Though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be offended.  34Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.

No, our failures do not take God by surprise. So with that let’s look at How To Deal With Defeat.  There are three question that we to answer in order to Properly Deal with Defeat.

·        What Are The Causes of Defeat:

·        Why Does Defeat Have Such A Devastating Affect On Us:

·        How Should We Respond To Defeat:

I. What Are The Causes of Defeat

  1. Defeat Comes When We Fail To Plan. It's like the old saying say’s, "If you fail to plan you're planning to fail."  In order to succeed or accomplish anything we must have a plan. When we don’t have a plan to follow we have no idea where we are going or how we are going to get there. The plan is simply help us understand where we are and where we are going and how we are going to get there.

    Proverbs 27:12 12A prudent man foresees the evil, and hides himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished.

Another translation says, “Proverbs 27:12 "A sensible man watches for problems ahead and prepares to meet them.  But the simple minded man never looks and suffers the consequences."

Proverbs 16:9 NKJV A man’s heart plan his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.

We don’t go on vacation without first planning on where we are going, what we are going to do when we get there or how we are going to get there. Before we hit the highway we consult the map for the best route. Our daily lives are no different. We should take time to plan our lives trusting God to direct our steps as we go. If plan our lives without first consulting God than we are doomed to fail. God is to be the primary focus of our lives. We should never leave God out of our plans.

  1. Defeat Comes When We Think That We Have Arrived. A person that thinks that they have arrived can see no room in their lives for improvement. They are perfect in their own eyes. They feel and believe that no matter what comes against them they can’t be conquered. This kind of person is self-sufficient and self-reliant. 1 Corinthians 10:12 12Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. This is a warning to the individuals who think they can stand on there on without the support of others.  .  Proverbs 16:18 “Pride leads to destruction and arrogance to downfall.” Pride and arrogance implies self-confidence that will eventually lead to the downfall and destruction of the individual.

    We must confess with the Apostle Paul, “    12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead”. (Philippians 4:12-13)
  2. We Are Defeated When We Fail To Take Risk. 1 Corinthians 15:30-31 30 And why do we always risk our lives 31 and face death every day? (The Contemporary English Version) Paul is talking about risking his life to preach the gospel of the resurrection. Every time he preached he was taking a risk. Just about anything that we do in life has some risk associated with it. Nothing is ever accomplished without some kind of risk. When we fail to take a risk to accomplish something it’s announcing to the enemy that we are afraid to take the risk. Anything worth accomplishing is worth taking a risk for.
  3. We Are Defeated Because We Give Up To Soon. Many people want to live a life that is easy. They want to live a life that doesn’t have any problems. They will not set a goal that requires a lot of energy and effort from them. Therefore they never accomplish anything of any value. For most people their goal is to just get out of bed in the morning and make through the day just go back to bed at night. Nothing accomplished in between. Fact is their greatest accomplishment of the day is just getting out of bed. (A man was getting his yearly physical. The doctor asked him if he exercised daily. The man said, I sure do doc, I do sit ups. The doctor asked how many do you do a day. The man replied one, I get up in the morning and I lay down at night.) When we start something that requires more work, more energy, more time or more money than we anticipated we give up before we accomplished what we set out to do. Great accomplishments come at the expense of great sacrifices.

    Luke 5:4-6 4Now when he had left speaking, he said unto Simon, Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught. 5And Simon answering said unto him, Master, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing: nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net. 6And when they had this done, they enclosed a great multitude of fishes: and their net brake.

    Simon Peter was ready to call it a day. He and the others had labored all night and had nothing to show for their efforts. He was ready to call it quits. However at the word of the master fisherman (the Lord Jesus Christ) he let his net down one more time and caught more than he could handle. It pays to heed the word of God and never give up.

    Thomas Edison tried 200 different elements before he found the right element to make the incandescent light bulb.  He said, "Don't call it a failure, call it an education.  I know 200 ways that don't work." 
  4.  Defeat Comes When We Fail to Listen To God.  The word of God is filled with guidelines and principles to make our lives all that that they should be. Many people say I know this is what God’s word says but I’m going to do it my way. (Remember one of the last songs that Elvis Presley recorded? I took the Blow and Did it my way.) That’s the story of many Christians. They know what God says about doing things but they insist on doing their way. Proverbs says there is a way that seemeth right into man but the ends thereof are death.

    Let me give you some examples: God says the way to get is to give, the way to be honored is to be humbled, and the way to greatness is to be a servant
  5. Defeat Comes When We have Poor People Skills. One thing that destroys relationships and often hinders the progress of any work is the fact that we don’t understand people. We simply don’t know how to relate widely and effectively with people that have different ideas and viewpoints than we have. We need to try and understand what makes another person tick. What makes them act the way they act? The word of God says we are to be considerate of others and look for ways to stir one another to love and good works. Hebrews 10:24 24And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: In order to do that we have to get to know the people that we deal with.
  6. Defeat Comes When We Have A Negative Attitude Toward Life. All some people can see is the doom and gloom of life. Nothing ever goes right. Everybody is against me. The one that we often deal with is, that want work, we can’t do that and we tried that before and it didn’t work.
  7. Defeat Comes When We Refuse To Change. There is a saying that I read a few years ago that has stuck with me. If you keep doing what you have always done then you will get what you have always got. Results only change when strategy’s and methods change. Many Christians remind me of a story I read about the Civil war some years back. There was this soldier trying to get his wagon out of a mud pit. A Army Chaplin happen to pass by him and asked him if he was saved. The soldier replied, “not now preacher I’m Stuck in the mud.” Many Christian are stuck in the mud of unwillingness to change.  .  Regardless of the cause, all of us at one time or the other have failed


II. Why Does Defeat Have Such A Devastating Affect On Us:

Defeat has such a devastating affect on us because:

  1. It Reveals Our Weakness and imperfection: Many people have a misconception about their own strength and shortcomings. Fact is many people don’t realize that they have weakness or shortcomings in their lives. Many think and feel that they are stronger and more capable than what they actual are. Several years ago when the TV evangelist were being exposed and falling prey to sin; I heard some say, “Well, that would never happen to me! I would never do a thing like that! Hey, I’m beyond that! Folks that’s called pride and self-confidence. When someone like that fails they are devastated because it’s not suppose to happen to them. Let me give you another scripture that I know will help us from being critical and judgmental toward those that may be weaker than us.

    Galatians 6:1 1Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

    Listen to the Amplified Version of this scripture.     BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.

    What Paul is saying is that we don’t need to think of ourselves as being more spiritual than those that are falling and being defeated. We need to confess as Paul did in 1 Corinthians 15:10 By the Grace of God I am What I am: We owe our existence to God and His grace. What we really need is an honest and humble opinion of ourselves.

    Romans 12:3 3For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

    We must Be honest in our estimation of ourselves. Because if we’re not we’ll be devastated when we fail.
  2. We Have The Wrong Definition for Failure and Defeat. We associate being a failure to failing to accomplish a given task.  When someone fails to accomplish something in life they are tagged as a failure. (When I was in school I received my share of F’s. I was tagged as a failure because I failed many of the tests that I took. However I didn’t fail the test because I was a failure. I failed the test because I didn’t prepare for it.)  Many people feel worthless and useless when they fail at something. Therefore they never try again. When in reality they may have not been ready or properly prepared for the task. Life is the same way. If you and I don’t prepare for it we will fail at it. If you don’t prepare yourself  to live the Christian Life by studying God’s Word, praying for guidance and strength, or regularly attending church, how do you expect to succeed in your Christian walk?
  3. We View Failure and Defeat as an Enemy.  We have been trained that failure is unacceptable. It is said that failure is the enemy to success. However we need to view failure and defeat as a friend and not an enemy. We can learn from our failures and moved forward to success and a bright future. If you have ever failed at anything there are two questions you should have asked yourself. What led to my failure and defeat? What can I learn from it so I can avoid repeating it?

    You can turn your adversity to your advantage if you approach it with the proper attitude and right frame of mind. For every negative experience we have there is a load of benefits to be had from it.

    There is much more that needs to be said about the devastating affects of defeat and failures but not enough web space will permit me to go on. We need to look at How We Should Respond To Defeat in our lives. A negative response will be destructive and crush you. A positive response will be constructive and build you and make you stronger.

III. How Should We Respond To Defeat:

  1. Accept Responsibility For Your Defeat: Proverbs 28:13 13He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.

    We have to accept responsibility for our own lives. We are responsible for our action, our words, our attitudes and our reactions toward others and life it self. We can’t blame someone else for our shortcomings and downfall in life. It is so much easier to pass the buck and blame someone else. It’s easy to make excuse to why we failed or allowed ourselves to be defeated. When we stand before God it’s our life that we will give an account for not someone else’s. If you've made a mistake, admit it.  I blew it.  I was wrong.  Face up to it.  Be honest with yourself.  Be honest with others.  "I was wrong." I have learned over the years that I cannot control what others do to me or what they say about me. However I can control my response and reactions toward them. My response must be a Godly response. I have to accept responsibility for my life and my part in my failure and defeat.
  2. STOP REGRETTING AND START REPENTING. Don’t allow your past to hold you hostage. Break free from it by letting go of it. Many people are held hostage by their past. You will know them because they are the ones that keep saying; If I had done this or If I had done that. If I had just done things different I wouldn’t be in this mess. These people are living in bondage to their past. The word repent means: To have a change of mind; To have a change of directions. In other words do something about your defeat.

    2 Corinthians 7:10     10For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.

There are two kinds of sorrow mentioned in this verse:  Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow.  What's the difference?  Godly sorrow motivates you to change.  It brings a change of heart.  It motivates you to do something positive. "I'm going to change.  I'm going to be different.  I've learned my lesson.  I'm going to learn from it.  If you're going to fail, fail intelligently.  Always learn from it.  It motivates you to change.

Worldly sorrow is demoralizing, depressing, and it causes death. "Poor me!"  One of the most devastating emotions in life is self-pity.  "Poor me!  I'm a failure. I’m worthless. I can’t do anything right Nobody likes me, everybody hates me.  Poor me!"  You never learn anything at a pity party.  That's worldly sorrow. 

Stop regretting.  Regretting doesn't change anything.  All it does is keep you looking in the past.  It's like looking in the rear view mirror and trying to drive while you're doing it. You're going to crack up if you're always focusing on the past.

  1. Focus On The Future. Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.

    Start from where you are now and determine that you future will be bright and success.
  2. Trust God For The Future.  Joel 2:25 "I will restore the years the locusts have eaten away."  Isaiah 61:1 "I will restore beauty for ashes." A new beginning starts with a renewed faith in God. Defeat has away of straining our faith. At times our faith can be stretched to its limit. We need to make God the very center of our lives.  God wants you and I to live a victorious and Successful Christian Life. But that will only happen if we trust Him with our future. God wants to restore the years that have been wasted in defeat and failure. He wants to give you beauty for ashes and the oil of gladness for your mourning.

Conclusion: We don’t have to live in defeat nor do we have to allow defeat to devastate us. We can move from defeat to victory simply by recognizing what causes defeat and by knowing the affect it has on our lives. Then responding to it in a positive way. Let me close with one last story about a little boy and his little league team. They were playing ball one afternoon when this gentleman walked up to the little boy and asked what the score was. The little boy replied that the score was 23-0 and that his team was loosing. The man said, It must be discouraging to be loosing that bad. The little boy said no sir not at all. The man asked why not?  The little boy said we haven’t had our bat yet. That little boy knew something that we all need to know and that was the game is not over yet and we still have a chance to win.  





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