Chicago, IL...My birthplace in December 1970

Rest your cursor on the pictures in
this page for an extra message.

HOT SITES: M ARCH 2 SUCCESS, goarmy.com
The Army Connection, Central Valley Self Storage

Hot Tip! (For Females) If you want/need quarters (for the dryer at your local laundramat or other such place)...go to the men you know. Chances are they will have change in quarters and you won't have to go to the bank or change machine. It is a well known fact, men have quarters, a majority of the time. They tend to carry quarters and folding bills. They hate pennies unless they receive them as change.

My Parents (Click here for Picture)

The Better Business Bureau

Operation Homelink

America Supports You

Defend America

BRAC : Base Re-Alignment
and Closure 2005

Ruby Tuesdays

Applebees

Your Spicy Score: Mild

You may not make the hottest first impression..
But you're definitely the type of girl that sticks in a guy's mind.
You prefer to play things cool. You know that good things come to those who wait.
And the amazing thing about you is that you get hotter over time!

Are You a Spicy Chica?

DOD News Releases

Today in the DOD

DOD News

DOD Transcripts

DOD Contracts

Me in Chicago at my Uncle & Aunt's House on South Kedvale (Christmas 1998). Click here to enlarge this picture...

My Birth/Baptismal Certificate

Army MWR-My Installation (click here)

For and About the Children

Red Lobster

Olive Garden

TGI Friday's

Space Available Flying

American Cities That Best Fit You:

65% Washington, DC

60% Chicago

55% Los Angeles

55% New York City

55% San Francisco

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

If Everyone Cared...Iraq...Nickelback

imikimi - Customize Your World

Chicago Sports Network

Army Information Line 1-800-833-6622
 
The Army Information Line (toll-free) provides accurate information, useful resources and helpful referral services to those with issues or concerns about Army Life including but not limited to:

Child Support 
Deployment 
Family Readiness 
Family Readiness Groups 
Finance 
Military Installations
Experienced Constituent Liaisons staff the line and are available to assist members of the Army Well-Being constituent communities � Soldiers (Active-Duty, National Guard and Army Reserve), Civilians, Retirees, Veterans and Families. The Army Information Line also serves as a safety net for those who have exhausted all other resources.

Number: 1-800-833-6622 
    
Hours: Monday � Friday, 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. EST 
    
Voicemail: Please leave a message after business hours. Your call will be returned the next business day.

News and Information

Who answers your Army Information Line call? 
[8/24/2005]

Everyone should know more information on a little-talked about service. This service is highly utilized, effective and cost efficient � it is the Well-Being Liaison Office�s Army Information Line (1-800-833-6622). This is a toll-free number that is more than 24-years old, and while it has no battle ribbons it certainly earned credit for operating during two wars and countless operational conflicts.
 
The right information at the right time 
[8/24/2005]

The Well-Being Liaison Office�s constituent liaisons have a wealth of experience in dealing with a variety of issues ranging from supplying information on how to contact local resources such as an Army Community Service office, to more complex issues.
 
Tapping all available resources to resolve issues 
[8/24/2005]

Taking care of Army Families in a proper manner often calls for extraordinary efforts, and sometimes can even require making contact with many different agencies to resolve a problem satisfactorily, especially when deployments and issues relevant to Army life place undue stress on family members.
 
Army Information Line supports Soldiers; present, future alike 
[8/24/2005]

Unlike many other military resources, it�s important to note that the Army Information Line staff will do whatever they can to assist any caller, regardless of their relationship to the Soldier. There is no requirement to be an �ID Card holder� to receive assistance from the Army Information Line staff.
 
Helping Army programs to help people 
[8/24/2005]

Not all calls to the Army Information Line come directly from callers outside the Army�s infrastructure. Sometimes the Well-Being Liaison Office�s constituent liaisons are contacted directly by staff of Army programs who are unable to assist someone that has contacted them directly, and they turn to the Army Information Line to provide that assistance.

Americans Need to Recognize Progress in Iraq, DoD Spokesman Says 
To: DEFENSE-PRESS-SERVICE-L@DTIC.MIL

By Jim Garamone
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, June 16, 2005  - Americans need to go back and evaluate the 
progress that has been made in Iraq, Pentagon spokesman Larry Di Rita 
said today.

Di Rita spoke at a Pentagon news conference along with Marine Lt. Gen. 
James Conway, the Joint Staff operations chief.

Di Rita said it is important to remember the progress that has been 
made. Less than a year ago, the Coalition Provisional Authority still ran 
Iraq. It wasn't until the end of June that the CPA turned sovereignty 
over to the interim Iraqi government.

It wasn't until Jan. 30, 2005, that the citizens of Iraq chose their 
transitional government. "(Iraq) has had several major milestones of 
electoral actions," Di Rita said. "It'll have more going forward, and 
they're scheduled."

The Iraqi National Assembly is writing the new constitution. That 
effort is set to end by Aug. 15. A vote on the document is set not later 
than Oct. 15.

International efforts in Iraq remain strong, with around 30 countries 
helping in various capacities, and NATO has expanded its training 
mission in the nation, Di Rita said.

The coalition continues rebuilding the country. "We've probably 
expended or at least obligated to expend, I would say, something south of $10 
billion and heading further," he said.

But the most notable difference is in Iraqi security forces. Earlier 
this week, Marine Gen. Peter Pace said that when CPA transferred 
sovereignty to the Iraqis, there was only one battalion that was effective. 
That number has risen to more than 100.

Conway said around 169,000 members of the Iraqi security forces are 
trained and equipped, and those units continue "to grow their operational 
capabilities."

The general said the Iraqi forces still have shortfalls - mostly in 
command and control and experience. "That doesn't happen overnight," 
Conway said. "We have a plan for growing the force. We're on track with 
projections of numbers. We're partnering our battalions with theirs, and 
our military transition teams are working with these units to enable them 
to operate independently."

And Iraqi troops are picking up real missions and handling them well, 
Conway said. Iraqi brigades have taken over patrolling in large areas of 
the country and right in downtown Baghdad. "Iraqi troops, along with 
U.S. transition team members, led the operation to free Australian 
hostage Doug Wood," Conway said. "Further, on Tuesday, Iraqi and coalition 
forces captured another one of al Qaeda's key leaders in northern Iraq, 
the so-called emir of Mosul, Abu Talha."

Conway said the Iraqi forces are "taking back their country from the 
insurgents."

Di Rita and Conway spoke about recent polls that show a drop-off of 
American support for operations in Iraq. "Obviously, the public support of 
these kinds of operations is critical," Di Rita said.

He said that Americans deployed to Iraq are showing a different side of 
American commitment. "The Americans who ... know the most about Iraq 
are our military," he said. "And in numbers we've probably not seen maybe 
in my lifetime, ... they're re-enlisting 200 percent of goal -- 150 
percent of goal for units that have deployed to Iraq. So those individuals 
who are the most knowledgeable Americans of all think, 'Jeez, it's 
something worth doing.'"

Conway said it concerns him. He told the story of a Vietnamese colonel 
and a U.S. Marine colonel speaking after the war in Vietnam. "The 
Marine said, 'We beat you every time on the battlefield.' And the Vietnamese 
colonel said, 'That is true, but it's also irrelevant.'"

The general said the enemy realizes "that American public opinion is 
the center of gravity; that a democracy can't do certain things if, in 
fact, the citizens don't support it."

He said he would like to see a reversal in the trend. "It's extremely 
important to the soldier and the Marine, the airman and the sailor over 
there to know that their country's behind them," Conway said. "We 
didn't start this fight. So I don't know that it's our option to simply 
withdraw at this point."

Biographies:

Larry Di Rita  [http://www.defenselink.mil/bios/dirita_bio.html]

Lt. Gen. James Conway, USMC 
[http://www.usmc.mil/genbios2.nsf/0/24f33df7bf06b3a2852568030060440a?OpenDocument&Click=]

_______________________________________________________
NOTE: View the original version of this web page on DefenseLINK,
the official website of the U.S. Department of Defense, at
http://www.defenselink.mil/news/Jun2005/20050616_1748.html.

DoD Readies Biometric ID System for U.S. Bases in Iraq  
By Gerry J. Gilmore
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, May 17, 2005  - The Defense Department is fine-tuning a $75 
million biometric identification system designed to improve force 
protection at U.S. military bases in Iraq, according to officials involved 
with the project.

At a recent system demonstration, DoD officials said the 
state-of-the-art system will use biographical data, facial photographs, fingerprints 
and iris scans collected from Iraqis and other non-U.S. citizens who 
want to work on U.S. bases in Iraq to develop ID cards that can't be 
counterfeited.

Biometrics is defined as measurable physical or behavioral 
characteristics that can be used to identify people.

Work on the new biometrics-based system began in late January, when 
then-Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz pushed for an improved 
base-access system to provide better protection for U.S. troops in Iraq.

The need for a better way to screen people coming onto U.S. bases in 
Iraq was illustrated by the Dec. 21, 2004, bombing of a military dining 
facility in Mosul. That blast killed 22 people, including 14 U.S. 
soldiers, and wounded at least 50. It was first thought the dining hall had 
been hit by a rocket attack.

Further investigation of the Mosul bombing pointed to the likelihood 
that a suicide bomber had infiltrated the base -- one non-U.S. person 
killed couldn't be identified -- and set off the explosion.

"This is a force-protection initiative," a DoD official noted at the 
system demonstration. He pointed out that the new ID cards contain 
embedded information that can't be altered. "This badge will be able to 
uniquely identify that person as the right person. You can't counterfeit it; 
you can't tamper with it," he said.

Base employees who are issued new biometric ID cards will be required 
to pass through security-control points where the badges will be 
electronically checked, he explained.

During the demonstration project, managers showed how fingerprints and 
iris scans are gathered and the data put into computers, how ID cards 
are printed, and how new ID cards are checked and verified by stationary 
and mobile scanners.

Employee information gathered at enrollment points will be forwarded to 
self-contained control stations. The control stations feature 
independent power, heating and air-conditioning systems, all a necessity in an 
austere, forward-deployed environment like Iraq. The control stations 
will process the enrollment data to produce the biometrically enabled ID 
card.

Steve Hooks, a former FBI special agent and biometric project 
consultant, said at the demonstration that "DoD is trying to develop an 
identification capability so that we can identify unknowns (and) terrorists. 
These individuals applying for an ID card will have background checks 
based on those conducted for U.S. military personnel and DoD civil 
servants."

The biometric ID system has been developed to protect troops and save 
lives, said Army Maj. Gen. Conrad Ponder, the chief integration officer 
for the Army's chief information office, who attended the recent 
demonstration. "That's what we're all about," he added.

Ponder said he was impressed with the demonstration. "We're developing 
a significant new capability for force protection. This prototype is a 
solid first step, and we'll continue improving the systems as we get 
closer to fielding (the system)."

Project managers are now working closely with U.S. Central Command 
officials who attended the briefing to resolve any remaining issues. The 
new system will be implemented in Iraq as soon as possible, officials 
said.

Here's a poem for Army Children. I was considered one once (My father is retired from the Army.) and can identify with them, hence it being shown on this page. It will also be featured on "For and About the Children" (geocities.com/ravet2005/children.html).

I am an Army Child.

My hometown is nowhere. My friends are everywhere. 
I grew up with the knowledge that home is where the heart is 
and the family� with no dependence on the dwelling.

Mobility is my way of life. Some would wonder about roots, 
yet they are as deep and strong as the mighty oak�I sink them 
quickly. Absorbing all an area offers and hopefully, giving 
enrichment in return.

Travel has taught me to be open. Shaking hands with 
the universe. I find brotherhood in all men.

Farewells are never easy. Yet, in even sorrow comes strength 
and the ability to face tomorrow with anticipation�and if when 
I leave one place, I feel that half my world is left behind. I also 
know that the other half is still waiting to be met.

Friendships are formed in hours and kept for decades. I will 
never grow up with someone, but I will mature with many. Be it 
inevitable that paths part, there is the constant hope that they will 
meet again.

Love of Country, Respect and Pride fill my being when Old Glory 
passes in review. As I stand to honor the Flag, so also do I stand 
in honor of all Soldiers, and, most especially, to the parents 
whose life created mine.

Because of this, I have shared in the rich heritage of Army Life.

ANONYMOUS

A link to a good lawyer can be found on geocities.com/ravet2000. If you are in CA and need one, I recommend her!

Giving Kids the Gift of Faith

A strong spiritual foundation can be central to a happy, purposeful, and ethical life. Here are tips to lay the groundwork... 
By Kenneth Miller  
This piece was originally published in the April 2007 issue of Parents Magazine, (c) 2007. Reprinted with permission.

Like most kids his age, my 6-year-old son Leo regularly asks questions that require a Google search. How are balloons made? What's the difference between a nut and a seed? The other day, though, as we played catch in the backyard, he came up with one that goes a lot deeper than Wikipedia: "Daddy, is God real?"

(Click here for more answers to kids' tough questions.)

"What do you think?" I responded, as I do whenever I'm uncertain what to say.

Author Helen Nearing says old age is a state of mind.

Leo hesitated for a moment. "I don't think he's real like a tree," he said. "But I think he's real like love." As he tossed the mini-football, I marveled at his arm�and his budding religious awakening.

Spirituality comes very naturally to most kids. From a young age, they feel a closeness to other living creatures. They have no trouble believing in things they can't see, and they're intrigued by God and religion. Preschoolers find it fun to say grace before a meal, and grade-schoolers eagerly speculate about whether Max the Gerbil will go to heaven when he dies.

But that doesn't mean they enjoy sitting through a lengthy sermon every Sunday, or that they feel confident in their religious beliefs. "You need to bring spirituality into your everyday life, not just check it off your list when you drop your kid off at Sunday school," says Mimi Doe, coauthor of 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting. Centuries of experience have shown that a strong spiritual foundation can be central to a happy, purposeful, and ethical life. These steps will help you lay the groundwork for your kids.

Know thyself

For many parents, faith is a clear-cut matter: You may be a born-again Christian, a practicing Catholic, or a reform Jew. But whatever your conviction (or denomination), you should think about the spiritual values you want to pass on to your child�and explain them in a way he can understand. For example, do you think of God as a being who guides every action or as one who watches from a distance? Do you want to preserve your religion's time-tested teachings or adapt them to modern times? Are you more interested in helping others or spreading the word

"For me, spirituality has always been about finding a connection with God rather than seeking definitive answers to life's mysteries," says Stacey Harrison, who attends a Congregationalist church in Boulder, Colorado with her two preschoolers. "I want to give my boys a sense of tradition, so they'll have the tools to decide about their own beliefs."

Set an example

Want to make your convictions clear to your child? The old axiom holds true: Practice what you preach. If you plan to have your kids go to Sunday school, make sure you go to church regularly yourself. Want to teach goodwill toward others? Instead of merely saying, "God wants you to be kind to other people," you might hand a sandwich to a homeless person during a family stroll or welcome a new family to the neighborhood.

"If I say I believe in loving others, I want my girls to see me doing it," says Dawn Wilcox, from Kansas City, Kansas. She takes Morgan, 5, and Cooper, 8 months, along when she visits a member of her Pentecostalist congregation who's sick. And if Wilcox sends someone a get-well note, she encourages Morgan to write one too. "I want her to know she's important, but so are all the other people God created."

Be open to your child's interpretations

All faiths depend in part on the ability to imagine. That's why you should listen respectfully to your child's religious theories, even if they strike you as, well� childish. "When we forget to pray in the morning, my 5-year-old daughter, Christanee, says, 'God's gonna get mad and stomp around in heaven,'" says Katrina Papillion, a Lake Charles, Louisiana mom. "She thinks that's where thunder comes from."

Validating your child's interpretations will boost her confidence and promote spiritual growth. "If you aren't listening to her ideas, how will she ever believe that God is paying attention?" says Jean Grasso Fitzpatrick, author of Something More: Nurturing Your Child's Spiritual Growth.

Find fun ways to connect

Spirituality may be a serious matter, but don't tell that to a preschooler. Instead, make it fun. Ask your child what she thinks heaven looks like, and have her draw a picture of it. Put on a play or a puppet show based on a story from your religious tradition. Play a religious music CD, and dance around the living room together. Or have her make up a prayer thanking God for a beautiful sunset.

Also look for age-appropriate ways to help your child make sense of religious principles, such as illustrated Bible stories (available at most book stores) and Veggie Tales videos. And take advantage of the potential spiritual lessons in secular TV shows and movies. Bob Moore, a Jewish dad in Calabasas, California uses Star Wars DVDs with his twin first-graders to reinforce Torah teachings. "I tell them Yoda is my favorite character, because he calls on a higher power that enables him to do great things in life," says Moore.

Seek out a community

While 96 percent of Americans believe in a supreme being, only 43 percent regularly attend a house of worship, according to a recent Pew Research Council survey. Why the gap? For many parents, it's simply a matter of being too busy with work, childcare, and other commitments. But here's why it's worth your time to become active in a congregation: It's one of the best ways to further your child's spiritual development.

Jenny Vargas, a mother of three in Phoenix, Arizona, wasn't a regular churchgoer until a few years ago, when her 3-year-old son, Anthony, asked her who Jesus was. "I felt horrible that I hadn't taught him," she says. So Vargas enrolled Anthony in a religious class at a local church, and she joined a women's Bible study group. Now the whole family shows up for services every Sunday. "We all love it," she says.

Even if you're ambivalent about organized religion, joining a church, temple, or mosque will help your child find guides and companions for his spiritual journey. When 6-year-old Anneke DiPietro asked her parents if she could go to Sunday school like her friends, her mom, Quinn, embarked on an Internet church search.

Eventually Quinn, who had grown up in a nonreligious family, found an Episcopal congregation in Pasadena that emphasized social activism and service to the poor. "We all feel comfortable with this community," she says. "And I'm happy with what my daughter's getting out of it: a sense of belonging, and a deeper devotion to the golden rule."

Teach tolerance

At a time when religious conflicts dominate the headlines, it's crucial to instill in your child a respect for other faiths. Point out the similarities between religions ("Lots of faiths have a Sabbath; it's just not always on Sunday"). You might explain that there are many religions because there are lots of ways of seeing God�and all have value.

"I tell my children that we differ in certain ways from other religions, but not in moral ways," says Ranya Idilby, a Muslim mother of two and coauthor of The Faith Club, a memoir of her search for common ground with a Jewish and a Christian mom. "We all believe in being honest, fair, and good to other people."
 
Say prayers

Don't wait for the holidays to make religious traditions a part of your life. Saying grace before meals and prayers before bedtime are time-honored ways of fostering your child's spiritual awareness. And coming up with your own variations can make these rituals even more meaningful. Before dinner, Angie Ito, a mother of two in Napa, California, leads her kids�Taylor, 3, and Dylan, 8 months�in a prayer she adapted from her grandmother: "For this time together, for this food we share, for this love we feel, Father in Heaven, we thank you."

Rachael Kosal, who is Lutheran, uses prayer in everyday situations to further her 2-year-old's spiritual development. For example, if she hears an ambulance pass their home in Knob Noster, Missouri, "We'll say, 'Keep them safe, Jesus,' "Kosal says. "I want her to know that God is listening."

Do unto others

Helping those in need is a central tenet of every faith tradition. It's also great for your child's spiritual health. Colleen Burke, a Catholic mom in Rockford, Illinois, decided to bring along her children Kate, 6, and Will, 4, when she started volunteering for Meals on Wheels last year. "We went to poor neighborhoods and met people who were in wheelchairs or who were too weak to leave their apartments," Burke says. "My kids could see how lucky they were to have warm clothes and enough to eat, and how satisfying it was to share our good fortune. I thought that spoke much louder than listening to a sermon."

Many congregations offer charitable opportunities for children. So do hospitals, scouting groups, and nonprofit organizations. When you encourage your child to ride in a cancer bike-a-thon, ladle soup at a shelter, or sell lemonade to help needy kids, you teach her that all people are family�perhaps the most spiritual lesson of all.

Answers to tough questions:

Even if you're devout in your religious beliefs, a child's questions about God and heaven may leave you tongue-tied. "Kids have this incredible capacity for asking the big questions," says Tobin Hart, Ph.D., author of "The Secret Spiritual World of Children." Responses will, of course, depend on your faith and your child's age. But answers along these lines may help reassure your child�and spark further discussion.

Q: Why does God let people die?

A: After a person has lived a very long time, his body stops working. But we believe when a person dies, his soul goes to heaven. That's what happened to Grandpa.

Q: What's a soul?

A: It's the part of a person that makes her who she is. Aunt Rose's soul was the part that loved to tell silly jokes and cook you macaroni and cheese. That part of her will live on forever in our memory.

Q: What's heaven like?

A: I think it�s a beautiful place, beyond the moon and stars, where everyone is happy and free.

Q: Can animals go there?

A: Nobody knows for sure. But I believe animals have their own heaven, where they get to run around as much as they want. What do you think?

Q: Why do we pray with other people?

A: In our family, we think it's nice to be around other people who are praying and singing together, in a place where there�s nothing to do but think about God.

Q: If there's just one God, why are there so many religions?

A: Different groups of people see God in their own way. But all faiths agree on one thing: You should treat other people the way you'd like to be treated yourself. If we all did that, the world would be a happier place.

What a Tangled Web We Weave--Decoding the Mystery That is HOOAH

By Sgt. Michael Volkin
Author, Ultimate Basic Training Guide Book

One of the most widely used military acronyms of all times, and no one can agree on its spelling, origin or even on its meaning for that matter.

Undoubtedly it will be the first acronym you will hear as you arrive at Basic Training. You will hear thousands of new soldiers utter the acronym, whisper it, shout it and even sing it. But what exactly does it mean? Heck, is it even an acronym at all?

I have scoured the Internet, referenced books, and asked military scholars. Only one conclusion has become of my research: There is no known origin for the meaning of hooah; many have opinions but there is no single theory.

Personally, when I went through Basic Training, I was taught the acronym HUA stood for I hear you, I understand you, and I acknowledge your statement. Urbandictionary.com claims the term hooah was originally used by the British in the late 1800's in Afghanistan; then, more recently adopted by the United States Army to indicate an affirmative or a pleased response. The book Absolutely American: Culture War at West Point defines huah as " an all-purpose expression"� if you "want to describe a cadet who's very gung-ho, you call them huah"� if you "understand instructions, say huah"� if you "agree with what another cadet just said, murmur huah ". Perhaps the broadest definition I have come across in my research might very well be the best, and even most comical definition. If I had a prize to award, I would give it to The Department of Military Science and Leadership, University of Tennessee who claim HOOAH" refers to or means anything except no."

So while military experts and personnel alike disagree on the term, spelling, origin and meaning of HUA, huah, hooah , etc, it remains to be widely used throughout the military. Regardless of it's meaning, a common aspect encompasses each of the definitions for this term. The term is an expression of high morale, confidence, motivation and spirit.

I welcome all questions and comments at michaelvolkin@ultimatebasictrainingguidebook.com. SGT Michael Volkin is the author of The Ultimate Basic Training Guidebook. The Ultimate Basic Training Guidebook is available in both book and e-book format at www.ultimatebasictrainingguidebook.com.

Guardian Angels Come in Twos, Don't They? 
Through three children, a mother discovers we may have more heavenly bodyguards than we think... 
By Joan Wester Anderson  
Reprinted with permission from Joan Wester Anderson's website.

Some of the most popular angel experiences occurring today are by children who have seen angels. Of course not every "imaginary companion" is indeed an angel, but preschoolers are still so close to heaven (and sinless) that they can interact with both worlds in ways we can't understand. Kathleen Fidler has observed this phenomenon several times, and it has led to an interesting question: Are we given an extra angel?

"When my daughter, Mary Kate, was almost three years old," Kathleen says, "I was tucking her into bed one night. We had just finished our prayers, and I began talking with her about angels. I told her how much God loves her and that she is never alone because she has a special angel who is with her all the time and who will never leave her."

Mind-body expert Joan Borysenko on how to forgive

Mary Kate responded immediately. "We have TWO angels, Mommy," she said, "not one." Kathleen was a bit startled. "That could be," she acknowledged. "I know for sure that everyone has ONE angel, but maybe sometimes we have more."

But, little Mary Kate was adamant�there were two angels for everyone. "Her conviction was so strong that I did not forget it," Kathleen says. "However, I did not mention it to her again."

In 1993 Kathleen had her fourth child, Jonathan. One day when he was about 2, she was playing with him and talking about Jesus and how much Jesus loved him. "Jonathan was completely disinterested in the conversation until I asked if he had an angel who watched over him everyday," Kathleen recalls. "Then he said, with an annoyed tone in his little voice, that of course everyone knew there were TWO angels."

Kathleen immediately remembered the conversation she once had with her daughter about three years before, when Mary Kay was about the same age. This time, Kathleen probed a little further by asking Jonathan if he remembered anything else from his time in heaven. "Very matter-of-factly, he told me that God and Jesus looked exactly the same except God had silver hair and Jesus' was brown. Then he was done talking and he wanted to play."

The kids were too young to remember these conversations, but when the children got older Kathleen told them about the conversations; Mary Kate was very interested. One Christmas Eve at a relative's house, she was looking at the Christmas tree with her little cousin, Thea, who was about 2 1/2 years old. Mary Kate noticed an angel ornament on the tree and remembered the story her mother had told her (although, she no longer remembered the sightings themselves, typically what happens as children get older). Mary Kate asked her little cousin if she knew what the ornament was and Thea told her it was an angel. Then, Mary Kate asked her cousin how many angels she had. "I have two," Thea replied matter-of-factly.

Three preschoolers, three different times, and three different situations, but all yielded the same answer.

Kathleen knows that I circulate stories of children who seem to be genuinely in touch with heaven, involved with angels or saints, because we can learn much from their early experiences and their innocence. I have heard small children describe great congregations of angels but not a specific number.

"I have never read anything that might support the opinion of these three beautiful babies who seemed so confident God has assigned two angels to accompany us," Kathleen writes. Have you?

April is Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month 
[4/4/2006]

Source: Army News Service

By J.D. Leipold
Army News Service

WASHINGTON (April 3, 2006) � The Army, in conjunction with the observation of April�s National Sexual Assault Awareness Month, is highlighting its Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program.

�We will use this opportunity to reaffirm our position that sexual assault will not be tolerated in any way, shape or form, and that sexual assault is a criminal offense which degrades mission readiness by devastating service members� ability to work effectively as a team,� said Ms. Carol Collins, Program Manager of the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program.

LTC Carla Reed, former Program Branch Chief, recently returned from a tour of duty that studied this program in action, including in the OIF and OEF theaters. �As we took the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program�s policies and messages to the commanders and soldiers in the field, we conveyed the message that one sexual assault is too many, and that this crime has no place in the Army.�

The Program was stood-up in September 2004, as part of the Army�s effort to eradicate sexual assault through training, prevention, education and awareness programs. In cases where prevention measures fail, victims should be assured that a system is in place to provide responsive, caring support, while holding offenders accountable.

�Upon entry into the Army, Soldiers will be trained in sexual assault prevention and response, and within all professional military education courses throughout their careers,� Reed said. �We have requirements for annual awareness training within units, as well as during changes of station.�

�With regard to responding to sexual assaults, the Army has a system in place whereby all those who provide support are integrated so they�re all talking to one another on behalf of the victim.�

�The first resource available to victims is �victim advocacy,�� added Reed. �Service members within units, called �victim advocates,� can assist and support by explaining the process for accessing services, as well as escort the victim to talk to criminal investigators and to medical treatment appointments.�

Army leaders are being trained about their responsibilities, and to ensure they are fostering organizational climates that encourage service members to treat each other with dignity and respect.

Sexual assault is one of the most under-reported crimes in the U.S., and the same holds true within the military�s branches. �Many victims don�t feel free to report sexual assaults because they often think they�ve done something wrong. Often, they feel guilty about having been in the situation in which the assault occurred, so they choose not to report it. They also feel embarrassed or shame, or that their careers may be negatively impacted so they suffer in silence and try to handle the situation on their own,� Reed said.

Within the Sexual Assault Prevention Response Program, our goal is to to provide a safe haven, and foster an environment that encourages more victims to come forward to seek the help they need and deserve.

�Sexual assault is something the Department of Defense and the Army take very seriously. Our Army is a values-based institution; one in which one sexual assault is one too many,� said Reed.�

Find out more about the Army�s SAPR Program.

View the Featured Army Families Online Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention section for more. 
 
 
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Deployment Link       http://www.deploymentlink.osd.mil/index.shtml
 
 
http://www.afcrossroads.com/famseparation/pre_sec1_spouse.cfm
 
Section I: A Military Spouse's Viewpoint

For many spouses, when the separation finally occurs, for many spouses this is a reality check. Until now there was the possibility of a change in orders or some other eventuality to prevent departure. But the separation is inevitable, and the spouse must cope.

When your spouse leaves or deploys, a piece of you goes too, but that's what you want...for part of you to be with your spouse. You find that you, too, keep your spouse present with you. You may sleep with their picture on your nightstand, or you may leave a pair of their shoes by the front door.

When your spouse leaves, you go through a whole series of different emotions. About six to eight weeks before your spouse leaves you begin to "psyche up" for the departure, and you both get very busy thinking about details that need to be tended to before departure. You both may feel excited, intimidated, and maybe a little worried about how you will manage. About three to four weeks before your spouse leaves, you begin to put distance between the two of you, build a few walls, maybe withdrawing from each other. You may become irritated with each other and you may even have a fight. This distancing reaches a peak about two to three days before your spouse leaves when you both think they should be gone so that you both can begin counting down to the reunion...which may seem an eternity away! This "distancing" is normal and allows you to permit this person who is so very important to you to go away...for a while.

When "THE DAY" arrives you may drive your spouse to the base and be thinking that some way, something, somehow will keep them home. Whatever you say to each other may seem awkward and not quite right, and afterward, when you reflect on not seeing each other for a long time, you may wonder why you couldn't have been more romantic, or have given a "warmer" good-bye.

YOU ARE NORMAL!

For the first day or so after your spouse leaves, you may feel like a robot, just going through the motions, almost like you are in shock. You might just want to stay home. You may not want anyone around you. You may wonder if it was easy for your spouse to leave you, after all, your spouse seemed to be excited about going on assignment or deployment. You may feel overwhelmed by all the responsibilities you are facing. Then you may get angry with your spouse, with the Air Force, your spouses' commander or duty section, perhaps even with the whole world! How could your spouse leave?

You will get over that too, and find you can handle the separation. You'll probably find yourself within a few weeks beginning to settle into a pattern. If you don't find some comfortable pattern or routine and continue to feel upset, call your Family Support Center. They can give you information and or assistance to help you over this hurdle.

The new pattern of your life while your spouse is gone may find you a little more subdued, and certainly lonely. Sleep may come a little more easily than in the first few weeks of the separation, but probably not as easily as when your spouse is at home. Food may finally begin to taste less like sawdust. You may find from your spouse's letters that they are not angry with you, just lonely, and missing you.

IF YOU FIND A ROUTINE THAT WORKS WHILE YOUR SPOUSE IS GONE, STAY WITH IT! THAT REGULARITY, THAT RITUAL IS VERY COMFORTING!

Six to eight weeks before your spouse comes home, you may begin planning for the homecoming. There are decorations to make, and special meals to plan, and nagging worries:

WILL MY SPOUSE HAVE CHANGED?
STILL LOVE ME?
APPROVE OF THE CHANGES IN ME?
HAVE THE SAME CLOSENESS WE HAD BEFORE?

As the time grows nearer, you will probably get more and more excited, may sleep less, and launch into a frenzy of house cleaning. In your mind you play over and over again various versions of the homecoming. You imagine...

You see the reunion in slow motion, over and over again, like in the movies; with sunlight and fields of flowers, and you two as the only people in the world.

In the last few days you seem to find yourself feeling many different emotions. Butterflies keep you awake at night. You should be happy that your spouse is returning , and you are, but you are also apprehensive. For the past months you have been the head of the house and you really haven't had to answer to anyone for where and when you go, or what you spend money on. You have had the bedroom all to yourself and you've taken care of the family's finances. Maybe you feel like your hard-earned independence is at stake. You are proud of surviving, and maybe even thriving while your spouse has been gone. You've missed your spouse terribly, but you've learned you can manage quite well while he/she is away.

The Big Day arrives and you've probably not slept well at all and you've spent hours trying to look your best. You finally have that reunion. There may be raindrops instead of sunlight, and instead of fields of flowers, there are fields of people at the hanger.

The hugs and kisses are every bit as good as you remember, and your spouse raves about how good you look and you tell your spouse they're a sight for sore eyes.

Your spouse tells you that they are proud of the way you kept the home fires burning, and it doesn't matter that you didn't save more money, and you want to believe your spouse, but there is something in their face, perhaps something in their voice.

Understand that your spouse too, is apprehensive about the homecoming, and they also want to be very, very right. They may be a little unsure and may wonder if maybe you have learned to do without them too well...perhaps they're not needed, or wanted anymore. You KNOW your spouse is wanted AND needed, and you should tell them that again and again!!

When you are back together again, take some quiet time to sit together, holding hands and talking about what happened. You need to listen to each other and you both need to talk. You have a thousand questions to ask, as does your spouse, and you both need reassurance that everything will be okay. Realize that you both have grown during your time apart and it is important for each of you to allow the other to have some space and time alone.

The time to reestablish old patterns and to establish new, better ones, takes several weeks; so don't expect to fall back into "How it was" overnight. Take time to enjoy the intense pleasure of reuniting as a couple.

Keep this in mind as you face a family separation:

The leaving and returning are never easy, but it does not last forever.

Rarely are the separation and the reunion exactly as you would have imagined. Both have their drawbacks, but both also have their rewards.

The important thing is that you both survived the separation. Remember the time apart, what you learned, what you liked, and what you did not like, and apply these lessons to similar experiences you may face in the future. It will help to make you a stronger, better prepared husband and wife team. 
Section II: Coping with Separation

Family separation periods provide for a time of self-growth. Not many civilian spouses have the built-in opportunity for a time to take a good look at themselves.

HOW IS YOUR ATTITUDE

What is your attitude? It is the state of mind with which you approach a situation. Why is your attitude so important? Because it affects how you look, what you say, and what you do. It affects how you feel, both physically and mentally, and it largely affects how successful you are in achieving your purpose in life. What could be more important?

Negative attitudes make life difficult for everyone. Positive attitudes help everyone get the most out of life. While talent is important and knowledge is essential, the most important key to success is your state of mind!

When the spouse goes away, you have to make a choice. You can apply a positive attitude, and make the best of the time you have to be apart, or, you can apply negative attitude, draw the drapes, withdraw and complain until they come home. Given the two choices, the first one is healthier and much to your advantage.

Time passes quickly when you are busy. It also makes for better, longer and more interesting letters to your spouse. Find something you enjoy doing. Something that says YOU! Set goals for tomorrow, next week, next month. The completion of a project will give you a sense of satisfaction. Have you thought about:

Going back to school?

Taking up a new hobby?

Pursuing an aerobic or weight program?

Seeking part-time or full-time employment?

Participating in Family Support Center or other base programs?

Volunteering?

HANDLING STRESS

Take care of yourself. Don't try to fix family and friends.

Get involved in things that make you happy.

Avoid self-medication and abusing substances like drugs, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and food. Liquor and drugs reduce the perception of stress, but don't reduce stress.

Be flexible; accept that you can't control everything.

Plan for stress. Set realistic goals that leave time for breaks and limit work. Take a stress reduction class.

Learn how to praise yourself and accept praise. Turn off the "constant censure" voice that always says "you should."

Keep a sense of humor with you at all times.

Start thinking about what you really want out of life and begin to work towards those goals.

Take a mental health day every two or three months.

Avoid sulking. Let people know what you want.

Learn how to express irritation and appreciation to others.

Pick out somebody you work with and tell them something about yourself that you haven't told anyone else.

WHEN THE BLUES GET BLUER

Loneliness. Most people find the dinner hour and Sunday afternoon the times when they miss their spouses the most. Additionally, everybody has an occasional blue Monday.

If your blue days are increasing in frequency, pay attention to what is going on around and in you. Are you:

Letting things go?

Gaining weight?

Yelling at the kids?

Constantly watching TV?

Sleeping in late?

Withdrawing from people?

Dropping out of organizations?

Spending a lot of time with your thoughts?

Drinking more than usual or drinking alone?

No one takes a giant leap into depression. It is more of a cumulative process. Your favorite words are "I can't."

Some use alcohol and drugs as a remedy. But that doesn't work. Drinking does nothing to answer life's problem. In fact, drinking just helps you to relax and forget--but the problems are still there.

The cure for depression is the same as the prevention. Take positive action. Behavior is changed by thoughts and feelings.

If you can, talk to a friend. If you are alone, and problems seem overwhelming, call the Family Support Center, Chapel, or Mental Health Clinic. They have people who can help.

When your spouse is away, you need to get the sense that you are moving up and forward. Frustration comes when spouses see others accomplishing things while they are immobile waiting for their spouse to return.

Section II: Children Issues

Parents can help children understand and accept the separation and their feelings about it by planning ahead. Anticipate the problems and discuss them with the entire family.

PRE-FAMILY SEPARATION

The pre-family separation period is stressful for parents and children. Confronted with an extended absence of a parent, family members sense a loss of continuity and security. Children may not fully understand why one of their parents must leave. Very often young children may become confused and fearful that Mommy or Daddy will desert them.

Children are not very good at expressing fears and feelings in words. Anger and a desire for revenge, as well as guilt for feeling that way, are often demonstrated in the child's behavior. Change is puzzling to children. They want everything to remain the same. When changes occur, children usually have no other way to release anxieties, and no where to go for help. At a time when the separated spouse's responsibility to the Air Force becomes more demanding of their time and energy, the remaining spouse may feel overwhelmed, as they prepare to solely support the children, home and car.

What can be done about relieving the stress of the pre-family separation period? Think about the following ideas which have been helpful to others in similar situations:

TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT OR DEPLOYMENT BEFORE IT HAPPENS.

Communicate your thoughts and feelings about the separation. Be open and honest. Some parents worry that advance warning will only give the child more time to fret. However, children can sense when something is about to happen and worry more when they are left in the dark. Knowing about the assignment or deployment in advance helps in adjusting to the idea.

BUILDING AN EMOTIONAL BOND

The departing parent needs to spend some QUALITY time with each child before they leave. Younger children (under 8) will be willing to accept a half hour of face-to-face communication. Don't be afraid to hug your child. A display of affection is powerful communication. Older children (8 and over) appreciate being consulted when deciding how long and where this "special" time together can occur.

Use this time to share pride in your work, squadron, the Air Force, and the purpose for your assignment or deployment. Children of school age are beginning to understand that some events must happen for the good of everyone. It is a little easier to let go if Mom or Dad's job is seen as essential to the mission of the Air Force.

Often when asked if something is bothering them, a child will say "no." But there are ways to get through. Make some casual reference to your own worries or ambivalent feelings about the impending assignment or deployment. Something that enables parent and child to share similar feelings. It also helps a child to realize their parent is a real person who can cry as well as laugh, and it models an appropriate way to release feelings--talk about them.

VISIT YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER

Frequently children react to the assignment or deployment by misbehaving in class or performing poorly in their studies. A teacher who is aware of the situation is in a better position to be sensitive and encouraging.

CHILDREN NEED TO SEE THE PARENT'S WORKPLACE

Very young children need to see where Mom or Dad eats, sleeps, and spends some of their day when away from home. You can do this through pictures or TV videos. This provides them with a concrete image of where the parent is when they can't come home. Older children can learn a great deal from the parent about the function of his or her job, the sophisticated technology, interdependence of each division of the military with the other, and of course, career direction. (Statistics indicate that about 30% of our present day military personnel were raised in a military family.)

PLAN FOR COMMUNICATING

Expect children to stay in touch with the departed spouse. A lively discussion needs to take place before departure. Encourage children to brainstorm the many ways communication can occur in addition to letter writing, such as cassette tape exchanges, photographs with their parents, encoded messages, "puzzle messages" (a written letter cut into puzzle parts that must be assembled in order to read), unusual papers for stationery, and pictures drawn by preschoolers.

HELP CHILDREN TO PLAN FOR THE DEPARTURE

While the spouse is packing their bags, allow your children to assist you in some way. Suggest a "swap" of some token, something of your child's that can be packed in a duffel bag in return for something that belongs to the departing spouse.

Discuss the household chores and let your children choose (as much as possible) the ones they would rather do. Mother and Father need to agree with each other that division of household chores is reasonable. The role of disciplinarian needs to be supported by the departing member.

BEING A LONG DISTANCE PARENT

Parenting while away from home is not easy. Some separated parents find it so emotionally difficult they withdraw and become significantly less involved in the lives of their children while they are apart. This, of course, is not good either for the parent or the children, not to mention the difficulty it causes the parent/caregiver who is at home alone. The most important aspect of parenting from a distance is making those small efforts to stay in touch. Doing something to say the parent is thinking about and missing the child is what is most important. Here are some practical suggestions to help keep the absentee parent involved with their children:

Letters and cards from mom or dad are important. The length and contents are not nearly as important as the presence of something in the mail from the absent parent. When sending picture post cards, make little notes about the place or write that you stood right here "x" in the picture. Any small thing which makes the card personal will have tremendous meaning to children at home.

Cut out and send things from the local paper or magazines. This is a tangible way to help them feel connected and give them an idea of what life is like there.

For older children, a subscription to a favorite magazine is a gift that keeps on giving.

When using a tape recorder, remember to be creative: sing "Happy Birthday," tell a story, read scripture, take it with you on your job or when visiting with other members of your unit. Don't try to fill a tape completely in one sitting. Make sure you describe the surroundings, the time of day, and what you are doing, etc.

Try not to forget birthdays and special holidays which would be important to a child, particularly Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, or Valentine's Day.

Try to schedule phone calls when children are likely to be at home. Keep a mental list of things you want to talk about with each child, such as their friends, school, ball games, etc. Ask each child to send you something from the activities they are involved in at school, home or outside activities like dance lessons, youth groups or scouts.

If your child has a pet, make sure to ask about it.

Send an age appropriate gift for each child. It should be something special just for them. Some interesting and creative gifts include a special notebook for school, a book for coloring or reading, or something unique from where you are stationed.

BECOME FAMILIAR WITH SOME OF THE EXCELLENT CHILDREN'S BOOKS THAT DEAL IN A SENSITIVE MANNER WITH A VARIETY OF FAMILY-CHANGE SITUATIONS:

"A Special Family Friend and a New Adventure"
by Hoffman and Sitler

"Will Dad Ever Move Back Home"
by Paula Hogan

"All Kinds of Families"
by Norma Simon

"If You Listen"
by Charlotte Zolotow

"The Goodbye Painting"
by Linda Berman

"The Giving Tree"
by Shel Silverstein

Reading them with your child can help clarify facts and identify feelings.

TURN ON YOUR SENSORS AND TUNE IN TO YOUR CHILD'S WORRIES ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT OR DEPLOYMENT

Just because a child doesn't tell you about their concerns doesn't mean that they are not troubled. Children don't usually recognize the cause nor will they tell you they are concerned. The spouse that is departing should communicate with each child individually. There is no substitute for a letter with your own name on the envelope. Send postcards, snapshots, and tape recordings of the sounds around you where you are deployed. Use unusual stamps, felt-tip pens, colored pencils, and different styles of alphabets and lettering.

TIPS FOR THE SPOUSE LEFT BEHIND

It is very possible you will admit feelings of sadness, self-doubt, fear, or loneliness to your spouse and children. Most parents will agree that these are acceptable risks, and the feelings revealed are much easier to deal with when they can be expressed within the comfort and security of the family.

Be honest about your feelings. Do not attempt to hide feelings--your own or the children's. Many times we try to spare our children from knowledge of our own concerns, self-doubts, and fears.

Give children a method of measuring the passage of time. Families use such techniques as a ceremonial crossing-off of each day on a calendar as it passes, or of tearing a link off a paper chain consisting of the number of days or weeks the departed spouse will be away.

Make sure the departed spouse stays well informed. Do not make the mistake of depriving your spouse of knowledge of what is happening at home, or the way things are being handled, out of fear of "distracting" or "worrying" him or her on the job. ( One parent was "spared" the knowledge that his or her son had to be hospitalized for emergency surgery.)

Be responsible for all disciplining. Do not fall into the trap of using "Just wait until your Father or Mother gets home" as the ultimate threat. How can a child be expected to greet with joy and affections a parent that has been held over their head for months as the ultimate punisher.

Section II: Communication

Learn to be tactfully honest without being brutally frank. If you want to know what is going on with another person, listen to what that person is saying.

KEEPING IN TOUCH

Communicating. It is an important part of keeping any marriage alive. But when you are separated for so long by so many miles, communication becomes a vital necessity. As much as you need air and water, you NEED to hear from your spouse, and they from you. You both have several communication options available to you during a family separation, several of which will be discussed in this chapter.

Now is the time to open the communication lines between you. Honestly discuss with each other your feelings about the assignment or deployment. What are your fears and expectations? Have you both considered and discussed what kind of changes can be expected by the time the separation is over? The spouse at home will be more independent than either of you can imagine. Your financial situation may change by the separation's end. The spouse at home may begin or end a job. Personalities will definitely change, especially those of the children. By the time the service member returns, goals may have changed for either or both of you. Instead of wanting to learn to change a tire, for example, you may be ready to rebuild an engine.

LETTERS

Letters are your lifeline to sanity. (Wait till you have not received one in a week and see if you don't think so.) But it takes a special skill, one you can easily develop, to write a letter during a family separation. You must walk a fine line between "Everything's falling apart and I can not handle it without you," and "Everything's falling apart but I do not need you anymore to fix it."

Some spouses send letters about how great everything is, and how angelic the children are. Come on! They know things do not run that smoothly even when they are home. The more "everything is great" letter they get, the more they worry. In time, they begin to believe that you do not need them around anymore. (That is one of the worst, most common fears the spouse will have while separated.)

Other spouses go entirely the other way--every little problem or irritation goes into a letter. It is full of complaints about how they must come home immediately to change a flat tire or discipline a child for a minor infraction. This kind of letter writer can make a family separation a living nightmare for the service member.

Handle your letter writing with the same tact and understanding you want your spouse to have for you. You want to know everything that goes on around them, good or bad. You want to know about their friends and how they spend their off-duty time. You want to know they still love and need you. They want to hear those things from you also. PATIENCE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD IN FAMILY SEPARATION COMMUNICATIONS.

Remember that mail is irregular at best. Letters and packages seldom arrive two days in a row--sometimes as much as two to three weeks pass between the time you place in the mail and the time they received it.

A LETTER WRITER'S GUIDE

Here are a few ways to enhance talking back and forth to each other by letter:

Answer all questions. Write with your spouse's letter and picture in front of you, as though talking directly to them.

Ask advice when needed.

Explain problems clearly. If vague and unresolved, your spouse will worry.

Express an appreciation for letters, tapes, etc., mentioning one or two points of special interest.

Tell of daily activities in amusing and interesting ways.

Remember, it is important to frequently express your affection for your partner.

Share your feelings as openly and freely as you can without indulging in self-pity. Let your spouse know you would like to share their feelings.

Above all, express yourself clearly and unequivocally so that your spouse will not have to say, "I wonder what was meant by that!" Neither husband nor wife should try to interpret what the other says, read between the lines, or discern the meanings. If you do not understand, ask questions--otherwise take things at "face value."

If you have children and they can write, have them enclose notes or pictures in your letters. Children can use separate envelopes. Send pictures of home, the Christmas tree, activities around the house, etc. Have your spouse write separate letters to the children rather than a joint letter.

Relay news of the neighborhood, friends, and relatives. Clip out newspaper articles that might be of interest to your spouse.

Write often. If that is hard, supplement with cards (funny or romantic). Cards can help to express your thoughts and feelings, often in a unique or humorous way.

Consider OCCASIONAL phone calls, if possible.

MESSAGES

Some occasions might call for a speedier method of contacting the service member than a letter: a serious illness or injury, a death in the family, a birth, routine or unexpected hospitalization.

Depending upon the severity of the situation, there are two primary ways to send a message--emergency Red Cross or Western Union messages. If you are in doubt as to which method to use, contact your Family Support Center for advice. In either case, it is always a good precautionary action to follow a message with a written letter, clarifying the details of what has actually happened.

AMERICAN RED CROSS

In order for the Red Cross to send a message to your spouse, they must have verified information. They do not send greetings, only emergency information, and they do not grant emergency leave. If the emergency situation does not occur in the local area, you will save some time by contacting the Red Cross chapter where it does. Ask the Red Cross there to make verification and to contact the service member. In most cases, Red Cross notification is necessary for emergency leave to be granted by the spouse's commander. THERE IS NO CHARGE FOR RED CROSS MESSAGES. Before you call, have the following information on hand: grade, full name, SSAN, and complete duty address.

WESTERN UNION MESSAGES

Personal and non-emergency messages should be sent through the Western Union system. These include births, seasonal salutations, birthday and anniversary greetings, expected hospitalization, etc.

Many people are going to see whatever message you send--before the service member is given the message. Do not say anything that might embarrass you or your spouse.

It is recommended that you do not use Western Union to send the service member bad news that is going to cause pain or distress: serious illness, hospitalization complications, a death or injury in the family. If these are sent through Red Cross, it will not cost anything, and the service member will be given the message by the Commander or Chaplain who will be able to advise and comfort your spouse. Otherwise, the message may be delivered with no preliminaries or support.

PLEASE!!! If you do send a message about an illness, injury, or hospitalization, be sure to include the doctor's diagnosis, the prognosis, and the length of any expected hospital stay or recovery period. The service member will feel better if they know everything that you know.

Air Force

Depending on where your spouse is deployed, your Family Support Center might be able to get a message to your spouse through the Family Network (Air Force). Check with your local FSC.

OVERSEAS CALLS

Nothing can substitute for your spouse's voice. That is why overseas calls are so popular. But the cost is exorbitant! Agree before the separation or deployment starts how many times, and when, they can call. Budget money for the calls during the assignment or deployment so your are financially prepared when the bills start coming in.

One way to keep your phone cost down is to be prepared for the call. Keep a list near the phone so you know what to talk about. However, be prepared for the unexpected tears, both yours and your spouse's.

It will also be cheaper if, when your spouse calls, you accept the call and ask them to give you the country access code (you can also find this in the information part of your phone book), city code, and phone number, and then you call them back. You will still be charged for the initial three minutes, but it is cheaper when you call your spouse direct if you plan on talking for more than five to ten minutes. Look in the phone book or call the operator and see what hours are cheaper; ask your spouse to use those hours whenever they can. Agree if you cannot get through in fifteen minutes that your spouse will call you back.

In some cases, your spouse might be able to call you free of charge from his/her deployed location through government telephone lines (DSN).

CARE PACKAGES

A "care package" is exactly what it sounds like--a little bit of home that says, "I love you; I'm thinking about you." With just a little planning, they can be a great link over the distances. Care packages are also a morale builder during remote assignments or deployments. Speculation and excitement run throughout an entire shop when just one package arrives. When you get your first "Thank You" letter, you will be eager to start your next package.

Be careful of what you send--the one rare commodity is privacy. What you send will undoubtedly be seen by a number of people. Even most officers share their quarters. Packages going overseas are subject to customs inspection and may be opened by the host country inspectors. Do not expect a lot of romantic talk on any recorded messages your spouse may send home--most spouses would be too embarrassed for anyone else to hear what they most want to say.

MAILING TIPS

Check with UPS on mailing restrictions.

Do not use wrapping paper if you can help it, and string will foul up the postal machines. The post office recommends you use the reinforced, nylon strapping tape.

Sender will not have to pay custom tariffs on packages mailed to an APO or FPO.

Put an extra address card INSIDE before you seal the package. If the box should be damaged, and neither address on the outside can be read, it will be opened by the post office. If they can not find where it should go from the contents, the whole package goes to the dead-letter bin.

Be sure that if you are sending a package for a special occasion to mail it so it has plenty of time to arrive. Better to arrive a little early than to let them think you have forgotten them.

Do not forget to mark any packages that contain a recorded message, music, or VCR tape with the words "MAGNETIC RECORDED TAPES INSIDE--DO NOT X-RAY".

Section III: Reunion

A time to rebuild, reunite and rekindle your marriage and relationship.

The reunion of a family after a separation can be just as stressful as the separation itself. If your family has experienced some strain or tension during a reunion, you are not alone. You may have wondered why an occasion that is "supposed" to be so romantic and exciting should turn out less than perfect.

From the moment you are separated from the person you care about, you may begin to build up an image of that person in your mind. You may fantasize about how wonderful everything will be when you are together again.

You may remember the members of your family as they appear in the photograph in your wallet--the picture perfect all-American family. A similar process is happening with the spouse and children. The missing member may be placed on a pedestal as the warrior out defending the country. Memories of everyday life such as making ends meet, occasional disagreements, and disciplining the children, begin to fade from everyone's mind. The reunion is seen as the solution to all problems. "Once we are together again, everything will be perfect." However, reality rarely has a chance to live up to the high expectations you have set in your minds.

This is not meant to be a forecast of "doom and gloom." Homecomings can be very happy occasions as long as all family members make an effort to be as realistic as possible. If the tendency to not pick after oneself around the house occurred before the separation, that habit probably has not miraculously disappeared. If a weight problem existed prior to the separation, do not expect a fifty-pound loss to have occurred during the separation. If one of the children was experiencing problems at school, do not expect the problem to disappear at reunion time.

Talking to one another and working through the everyday challenges that family life presents is what is important. This does not all have to be accomplished on the day of the family reunion. Give yourselves some time to enjoy one another. Everyone needs to get reacquainted before problem-solving begins.

AIR FORCE MEMBER

Ease yourself back into the family gradually. If you come on like a "Sherman tank" and try to bulldoze your way back into your family's life, feelings of resentment will surface. See yourself as a "Special Guest" for a while.

Take some time to observe how the family has been running in your absence. You might be tempted to jump right in with "Now that I am home, there are going to be a few changes around here." You will see that some things will change naturally as a result of your presence in the family. If you disagree about the way other things have been handled, wait a few days and discuss it openly with your spouse.

Do not try to take over the finances immediately. A complete interrogation regarding the state of the checkbook as soon as you walk through the door is bound to create hostility. Set aside some time when things have calmed down to review the financial situation with your spouse.

Take it easy with the children in terms of discipline. For a while, stick with the rules your spouse has established during your absence. Immediately playing the "heavy" will not open up opportunities for you and the children to get to know one another again. It is not difficult to understand why some children are afraid of the returning parent if all they have to look forward to is "a changing of the guard."

On the other hand, sometimes it is easy to spoil your children. If you have not seen them for a long period of time, or you are home for only short periods of time, you may find yourself not wanting to discipline them. You are probably eager to make up for the time you were unable to spend with them. This is certainly understandable. But do not put your spouse in the position of constantly playing the "heavy" while you have all the fun with the children.

Do not be surprised if your spouse is a little envious of your travels. Your life may look very exciting compared to the job of "keeping the home fires burning." Surprise your spouse with a gift when you return from a new place. This way they can show off their "treasures" from different states or countries and cultures, and share in your experiences.

Expect your spouse to have changed. Neither of you is the same person you were a few months ago, or even a few weeks ago. The main adjustment for military families after a separation is the change in roles. Your spouse has learned to cope alone as a matter of survival. Out of necessity, some of your roles have been taken over in order to compensate for your absence. Try not to be threatened if you find an independent person when you return home. The fact that your spouse can cope without you does not necessarily mean that he or she cares about you any less.

SPOUSE

Keep in mind that your spouse has been operating in a regimented environment with a daily routine. Transition to family life takes a while. In some instances, your spouse might be a rebellious against any kind of schedule or preplanned activity you have set up. Be patient! There might also be some trouble sleeping soundly throughout the night at first. It takes some time to make the transition from barracks-style living to home living, especially if your spouse has been standing rotating shifts or working irregular hours.

Do not take it personally if you find your spouse day dreaming about work-related issues. Your spouse has been immersed in a totally work-related environment while away from home. It takes a while to let go of that world, even when a spouse is relieved to be away from it and home with the family.

You might find that your spouse is either surprised or even hurt that you have been able to manage everything so well alone. Try not to get defensive. Everyone wants to feel needed. Reassure your partner that although you are capable of handling the household and family on your own, you need companionship and emotional support. Point out that it also makes life a lot easier when you have someone with whom you can share these responsibilities.

CHILDREN

Some children will keep their distances from the returning parent for a while. They may still have unresolved feelings of anger toward that individual for leaving them, and are not ready to allow that parent to be part of their lives yet. They may have to be "courted" for a while until they feel comfortable again.

Other children will become "clingers." Each time the parent disappears from sight for a few moments, they think the adult has gone away from home again. As a result they tend to hold on for dear life and not let the parent out of their sight. Be patient. This will pass with time as they see you leave and return again.

At reunion time Dad could be meeting his new infant son or daughter for the first time. This can be quite an emotional experience for everyone, including the infant. Parents, do not feel that you have to thrust a crying infant into the arms of the returning members. Do not feel overwhelming rejection if your infant will not come to your at first. Give the child some time. Infants are people too, and they need time to develop trust before they feel comfortable with a new adult in their lives.

Plan to spend some time individually with each one of your children by doing some activity that is special to them. This allows the parent to get reacquainted with each child in a way that is most comfortable for that particular child. It also makes each child feel special and appreciated for their individuality.

Expect your children to have changed, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes the changes are barely noticeable from day to day, but if you go away, you might discover upon your return that your toddler is walking, your fourth grader has learned the multiplication tables, and your teenage daughter has a new boyfriend.

The Emotional Cycle of Deployment:
A Military Family Perspective
http://www.hooah4health.com/deployment/familymatters/emotionalcycle.htm#ch4
 
 
 
http://www.hooah4health.com/default.htm

Official Says DoD Committed to Meeting Military Childcare Needs 
By Terri Lukach
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, May 5, 2005  - The Defense Department is actively engaged 
in improving childcare services for military parents, a top Pentagon 
official said here today.

John M. Molino, deputy undersecretary of defense for military community 
and family policy, said the largely single, barracks-dwelling military 
is a thing of the past.

"Today's military is different," Molino said. "A little more than 50 
percent of the force is married, and about 44 percent of the force have 
children ranging in age from infants to college students. Each family 
has individual needs, and different kinds of needs based on their age 
group.

"We have to accommodate those needs because we are sending people 
around the world where they are away from their families, from grandparents 
and from other traditional means of support," he continued. "We are 
also deploying more people than in the recent past, and when you do that, 
you create a single-parent family overnight. More often than not, that 
single parent has a job, a job they may need to survive," he said.

DoD is trying both to reinforce programs that have been working 
successfully and to come up with creative solutions to help with new or 
anticipated needs, Molino said.

Extended deployments for large elements at an installation place an 
increased burden on those who have stayed behind, Molino noted. "Work 
hours are extended, duty days are extended, and we need extended childcare 
hours because these people are simply at work for a longer day than 
they were before," he said.

Molino said two military installations, one in Virginia and one in 
Hawaii, have child care 24 hours a day, seven days a week. "It's very 
innovative, very successful and very popular," he said.

Many military parents need childcare for the short term only - parents 
who are in training, or who just need a few hours to shop, to go out 
with friends, or simply take a break, Molino noted. "We are providing 
that in many areas," he said, "as well as going 'beyond the gate' to see 
what options are available in the community, and how existing services 
may be subsidized for families who are unable to take advantage of 
service provided on the installation."

Molino said all of the childcare initiatives available to active duty 
servicemembers also are available to those in the Guard and Reserve.

"If servicemembers are going to be successful in their careers, if they 
are going to stay in the military, they need to know that the military 
is an environment friendly to families, friendly to children, and an 
environment that will facilitate their career aspirations. That is key," 
he said.

Biography:

John M. Molino  [http://www.defenselink.mil/prhome/mcfpmolino.html  ]

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