***

Author: Steph
Rating: NC-17 - contains slash & rape. (aren't I a cheery soul?)
Spoiler: None :o)
Characters used: Matt & Jeff Hardy, Jay Reso, Adam Copeland & some others.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these people, they belong to themselvez! How lucky they are!
Distribution: Anywhere, just ask me first :o)
Notes: Send any thoughts on who you think they are. Feedback appreciated.

I walk toward my bag, fear flowing through me, hoping it won't be there. But also knowing it will, I stop and taking a deep breath put a hand in my bag. My eyes close as I feel the familiar piece of paper, its always there when I comes back from matches. Has been for a month now. Slowly, I pull the paper out of my bag, and unfold it, dread filling my soul.

My gorgeous one,
Great match tonight, I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself. Your task for tonight is to rest, my love. Simply just to rest...

I read the letter over and over again, searching for hidden meanings. But can find none. Hope begins to fill my soul, hope that the threats will not continue. But in my heart I knows they will, my eyes close and I sit down remembering the time I had disobeyed the notes orders. It had been the worst time of my life, as promised, Jeff had gone missing. He had been found two weeks later; bloodied, bruised and battered.

I couldn't have that happen again, Jeff is my life, my lover, one whom I love dearly. This letter was different from the others, they usually tell me to go somewhere…I shakes his head, not wanting to remember what happens.

"What ya doin?"

I jump out of my skin and quickly hide the note. "Jeff, I never heard you come in."

"That's because you had your eyes closed. You were in a world of your own there, what's up?" Jeff enquires.

I watch him put all of his clothes into a bag and notice he is ready to leave. Whereas I am still sat here in my ring gear, "I never heard you in the shower."

"That's because I used Adam and Jay's leaving you to use ours, but no you still didn't did you? Jesus, I wanted to go early tonight." Jeff complains.

I sigh and remember that Jeff wanted to meet some friends tonight in the hotel bar. I did need a shower but I also didn't want to spoil his fun, "Alright, we can go. I'll shower and change at the hotel."

Jeff smiles happily and picks up his bag, motioning for me to follow.

~*~

I close my eyes and flop down onto his bed. Jeff was down in the bar, but I hadn't wanted to go. For the first time ever, I actually wanted to do what the note said, I wanted to rest. I sigh and drift off to sleep.

I feel someone shaking me, trying to wake me up. I grumble, thinking it was Jeff trying to annoy me. I open my eyes, but still cant see anything. Confused, I try to pull my hands down but cant. My breathing becomes more erratic as I struggles against the binds holding my hands. "Jeff stop being a prick and untie me!" I say, suddenly I feel a hand covering my mouth preventing anymore speech. I still and feel a hand roam down my body, fear flows through me. This wasn't Jeff, I think, it was…I gasp as the hand starts to slide underneath the material of my boxers. I feel the fingers run up my cock and hold my breath.

I close my eyes again as I feel him press a kiss against my lips. I refuse to respond and clamp my mouth tightly shut. I cry out as he pulls my head back using my hair. Struggling to get away from him, I feel his tongue invade my mouth. Another hand clamps around my jaw as I try to bite down and hurt him. His hand tightens painfully and I whimper. Finally he releases me, I breathe frantically, fear filling my body wondering what he is going to do next. He pulls apart my legs, it begins to dawn on me what he is going to do. "No please, don't." I beg, tears filling my eyes, even though he cant see them.

I scream as he rams into my opening, pain flooding my body. Only stopping to draw some more air into my lungs, before screaming again as he rams into me and second time. He continues to thrust in, I can't help but to slowly give into him. My pain changing to pleasure, and I hate myself for it. I can hear my screams changing into moans, as he deftly arouses me more.

Pleasure fills my being, I start to feel all tingly and hot. I cant last much longer, I can now hear his cries. Strangely they arouse me even more, I feel him spill his seed into my body. I cum at the same time, with his hand coaching me on. Finally it is over, my breathing is erratic. The tingling feeling is leaving and the pain is back. I give into the darkness that wants to claim me.

Two

***

I make my way back up the ramp, smiling for the crowd. I have just won the WWF Championship, I should be ecstatic but I am not. I know what will be waiting in my bag, always there haunting me.

"Great match, mate, you're a champion!" Jay says happily, he hugs me and then a group of people crowd round me. All meaning well, but I wish they would leave me alone.

"Very good match there," Stephanie McMahon comes over and kisses me on the cheek. I smile at her, she's one of the bosses I can't tell her to go to hell can I? Even though sometimes I wish she would, always there hanging around me, it gets suffocating sometimes.

"Thanks guys, but I really need a shower. I'll celebrate after, okay?" I suggest I REALLY need to know what is going to happen. I finally get past them all and make it to my locker room. Walking over to my bag I take a deep breath and reach in, strangely enough it's getting easier the more times I do it. I bring my hand out of the bag and look at the note paper, I stare at it for a moment before sitting down. Slowly I unfold it and read what it says.

My Gorgeous One,
Well done, you finally beat him. I wonder what we can do with that belt? I want to see you wearing it, nothing but that. Meet me at room 666, your hotel. Fitting number don't you think? The door will be open.

I read the note again and screw it up in my hand. 'NO,' screams through my mind. Anger flooding me, revulsion at showing it to him. This was MY title belt, they would never get to feel it. Standing up, I heave my bag to the door, it crashes against it. I don't care, stalking into the shower, I turn it on cold. Needing the distraction of the punishing water.

~*~

"You ready yet?" I hear Jeff shout, smiling I come out of the bedroom of our hotel room. Jeff gasps as he takes in what I am wearing, I decided to be different tonight. Tight black trousers, and I mean tight, with a black mesh top on. My hair is around my face, which is very different, I prefer it tied back or soaking wet.

"Well don't you look sexy?" Jeff pouts. I laugh and walk over to him swinging my hips provocatively. I walk up to him and wind my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He opens his lips willingly and I plunge my tongue into his mouth. Heat sweeps my body and I pull Jeff closer to me, he pushes me back into the bedroom. Muttering against my lips, "We've got time."

~*~

"Nice of you to make it," Jay remarks laughing, as both Jeff and I blush. I walk over to the bar, tugging Jeff behind me. Tonight, he isn't going out of my sight unless maybe Jay or Adam is with him. They will look after him. My mind starts to wander as I celebrate with all my friends. All are happy for me, finally I have the WWF Championship. It feels great, so naturally I have a few too many, well what the hell.

"Yeah see you in a sec Jay," I shout as I make my way up to my room. Fetching something for Jeff, I still wouldn't let him go out of the room out of sight. I love him too much. I open my door and walk in the room is dark, I walk over to turn the light on. But am grabbed from behind, I gasp as a hand covers my mouth. I feel pain on the back of my neck and fall into darkness.

Three

***

I slowly wake up and my head is throbbing with pain, my arms feel like they are being ripped from my shoulders. Groaning, I straighten my legs and stand up. I open my eyes slowly and look around, I'm not sure where I am. The last thing I remember is going into my hotel room, how did I get here?

"I brought you here." A figure emerges from the shadows, "Don't worry you weren't talking out loud. Why didn't you come to my room?" The figure shakes his head sadly, "I shall have to punish you for that. It was such an exciting day as well."

I shrink back as a hand brushes against my face, tenderly. "Get the fuck away from me." I whisper, pain shoots through my face. I lick some blood away from my lip, and my eyes focus on the figure again. My jaw starts to throb with pain, but I have had worse than that before, so I push it out of my mind.

"Now, now. You shouldn't talk to me like that, I have control in here. I have control over your body, you don't. If I say jump, you ask how high. Got that?"

"Fuck you," I respond.

"Wouldn't you like to?" The figure responds, amused. "Now back to business, you disobeyed a direct order. Lucky for you that you're here and not Jeff." The figure walks behind me and runs a hand down my back. Fear slips into my mind, I bite my lip waiting for pain. Knowing that it will come.

I scream as something lashes onto my back, jerking the chains trying to break them. My screams become louder with every lash of the whip, pain consuming my body. Finally he stops, I whimper as he touches my sore back. "You got some nice cuts there now," he rakes his nails down my back.

I scream, my eyes are closed tightly & I bite down on my lip. Pain shoots through my back like lightening bolts, I continue whimpering in pain even when he stops. Heat is flowing through me one second, then I go deathly cold. He come to stand in front of me, I can feel his breath near me. I don't open my eyes, still trying to deal with the pain. I gasp as he kisses my eyelids. He rains kisses down my face, then presses one at each side of my mouth. I feel him runs his hand into my hair, before taking a grip and forcing a kiss onto my mouth. I struggle, his hands tighten in my hair, preventing movement. I refuse to open my lips, he drags his nails down my back again. As I gasp in pain, he forces his tongue into my mouth. My mind starts to spin in conflict, one half dealing with the pain, the other half trying not to give in to his masterful touch.

His hand roams down my body and then he grabs my ass before inserting a finger. I try to pull away but he wont let me, he thrusts his finger in and out repeatedly and starts to rub against my prostrate. I moan against his mouth. He breaks away and I hang there, my head down as I try to get my breathing back to normal and stop my legs feeling like jelly. Pain starts to wash over me in waves as I remember my back. I whimper again, it hurts so bad.

The figure moves behind me again, I wait tensely for more pain. Suddenly I drop to the floor as he releases my wrists from the chains. My hands immediately go to my back, but he stops me. "No, not until I tell you."

I look up at him, I can tell he's smaller than me, I could easily take him down. If I wasn't hurting so bad, my back felt like it was on fire again. "What are you going to do the next time you get an order from me?"

I look back up somewhere in the direction of his face. "I'll rip it up."

"Now then, that wasn't the right answer, sweetie." He watches me for a bit.

I look back up at him, showing no fear at all, despite the pain I am in. Stars appear in front of my eyes, pain pools in my midsection. He kicks me again, the pain intensifies. He carries on beating down on me but I begin to drift back from my body. My hands protect my face and I curl up, exposing my torn and bloody back. He finally stops, breathing hard he kneels down next to me. He softly runs a hand down my face, I don't move. Waves of pain start to wash over me, my mind catching up with my body. Heat floods my body, then icy cold. Everywhere begins to throb, my back the worst. Then no more.

Four

***

I slowly wake up in someone's arms, I jerk. "Shhhh."

I recognize that voice, its Jeff. He begins to stroke my face, calming me down. Pain still racks my body, I whimper into his chest. "Jeff, I hurt."

"I know, baby. It will all be okay soon, don't you worry. Just relax, ride with it." I close my eyes again taking Jeff's advice, I mean he would know. That beating he took was b-r-utal, I smile a little at my phrase. He continues to stroke my face tenderly and the pain starts to fade as I drift off to sleep.

~*~

I come round again, I look around panicked. But I'm in a hospital, pillows are around me keeping me on my side and off my back. Bandages all around my chest and a iv in my hand. I have never liked needles, the pain seems to have gone for now. I hear a door open and a nurse comes into my room. "You're awake are you?"

Talk about stating the obvious, "Just, where is Jeff?"

"That would be the young multi-colored hair man?" She asks.

"Yeah that would be him." I smile at her reference to his hair.

"Well we've managed to keep him out of here for you to have some rest. But I'll let him in now if you want to see him?"

I nod and she goes out of the room after checking me over & that I'm not in any pain. I see Jeff come in and I smile at him. "Hi."

Jeff comes and sits on the chair at the side of my bed. He puts a hand onto mine. "How are you feeling?" He looks concerned.

"Okay, I cant feel anything though."

Jeff smiles and squeezes my hand, "Good. You drugged up on morphine at the moment. Do you remember anything?"

"No I can't, he kept his face covered up, I thought I recognized his voice at first but then I couldn't anymore. I only remember you holding me." I look at him tears seeping out of my eyes, he brushes them away softly.

"I'll always be there when I can, you know that. I love you, even battered and bruised." He smiles and kisses me on my head.

"Thank you," I whisper.

The door opens again, it was the nurse. "Right that's enough now. He needs his rest to recover, you can see him again tomorrow." She says to Jeff. He nods and thanks her. He switches his attention back to me, kisses me softly on the cheek. "Get better, I'll be back as soon as I can."

I nod and watch him leave, the nurse starts fussing around my bed. Before leaving me to my thoughts. I try to think of his voice again, place who it sounded like. I'm sure I knew it, but still I couldn't place it. I close my eyes so I can concentrate more but find myself drifting off to sleep.

Five

***

I stand at the entrance at the stop of the ramp, ready to go out for my match. I have a top on, covering my scars and pants on as well. My music hits and I make my trademark entrance. Waiting for my opponent I scan the crowds, feeling him watching me. But I cant seem to spot him among the thousands of fans. Y2J's entrance starts so I turn round to watch it, while talking to the referee.

After I pin Jericho I make my way to the top of the ramp and turn round one last time to show off my gold. But to also check the crowd again, still I cannot spot him, so I go backstage. Then go straight to my locker room, I open the door and find Jeff there, holding the note in his hand. I close the door and look at him questioningly.

"Don't you give me that look, I came in here and found this on top of your bag. Care to explain it?" Jeff looks pissed off.

I walk over to him and snatch it out of his hands to read it, to see what Jeff had read.

My Gorgeous One,
How are you feeling now? Nice title defense by the way. I hope your back is feeling better, I would simply love to kiss it better if not. Come to Loco's bar, round the back, there I will be waiting for you. Do not disobey me this time or the punishment will be worse.

"Erm..." I mutter, bite my lip trying to think of something. While also trying to push the fear back that was threatening to overcome me.

"Don't just give me erm. I want an explanation." He signs and then comes over to me, "Listen, what is this about? How does he know about your back being hurt? Is this the person who did it?" He adds as an afterthought.

I pale slightly and sit down, part of me is glad that Jeff has found out. But part of me is screaming about what my tormentor will do to me. I hang my head down, "Yes." I say simply.

"Yes what?" Jeff enquires, sitting down next to me. "Come on, I can't help you if you don't tell me."

"I... I don't how to," I mutter before grabbing my jacket and leaving the locker room. I walk down the corridors and go outside in the cold air. It was at least -2 out here, but then it was sunny Canada. Leaning back against the wall, I sink into my own thoughts. How could I tell Jeff? Then he would know that I have been unfaithful, that I betrayed him. I allowed another man to fuck me. Okay yeah I had been tied up at the time, but a dark part of myself liked it. Also I had gone down on him a couple of times, I had betrayed Jeff. I wasn't fit for him anymore. I had to leave him, shake my head and make my way back into the arena. My hair had started to freeze in the cold air as it was still damp. I walk down to my locker room, pack my bag and leave the arena, leaving a note for Jeff. I cant possibly tell him face to face. "I'm so sorry Jeffy."

I drive to our hotel, since I have a week off now I book a flight home and leave. My mind is cold, tired of being under pressure, in pain. I don't even enjoy wrestling as much as I used to, it used to be my life. But my life was now consumed with pain, hurt and threats. If I didn't want to do a match I was threatened, if I didn't want to go out I was threatened. If I didn't want to be used as a toy I was threatened.

My mind was closing against the world. My only light was Jeff, but I was pushing him away. He didn't deserve me, he deserved someone better. One who would stay loyal to him, who wasn't dirty.

~*~

I open my front door and walk into my house, throwing my bag down I walk into the kitchen for a drink. I take a glass and get a drink from the tap, since I had nothing in. I cast a look around the room and my eyes rest on something. It glints in the sunlight, the sharp blade seems to call me. I slowly put the glass down, never taking my eyes of the knife. I walk over to it and pick it up. I run it over my palm first, testing its sharpness. I watch the blood well up, fascinated. The pain doesn't even register with my brain, it has become used to it. My whole life is pain.

Six

***

I walk into a park, knowing that I should really be meeting my tormentor. But I couldn't stand it anymore, my mind is blank, all I know is that I wanted it to end; any way it had to. A whisper cuts into my thoughts and I freeze.

"This isn't where you're meant to be."

There was something familiar about that voice, but again I couldn't pin it. I whirl around to hit him, who ducks. I feel a sharp pain in my stomach and double over, in shock. I look down at myself and see blood seeping from in between my fingers. I fall down onto my knees, my attacker sits down and cradles me to his chest. Shock is rendering me motionless, pain racking through my body.

"I'm sorry, so sorry." The attacker murmurs and kisses my head softly.

He is no longer trying to disguise his voice, I realise who it is. I look up and put a hand to his mask and slowly pull it off. Tears flood into my eyes, as I take in just who it is, confirming it. I put my hand up to his hair and pull his head down so it is just above my face. Feeling my life slipping away, I kiss him on his forehead. Taking a deep breath, I whisper, "I forgive you."

"Don't leave me, please." He whimpers, I look at his face. I wipe the tears off his face, tenderly, lovingly.

Feeling a sudden need to reassure him I whisper, "Jeff I will never leave you, always be here for you."

My hand drops down as I take one last look at the rainbow brite hair of my brother, my eyes looking at the face I have known for so long. I see the tears flowing down it. As I slip away I hear him whisper into my hair, "Matty, I cant live without you. I love you."

Taking one last deep breath, "I will always love you."

~*~*~