***

Author: Steph
Rating: NC-17 - it will don't worry.
Spoiler: None :o)
Characters used: Jeff Hardy & Jay Reso.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these people, they belong to themselvez! How lucky they are!
Distribution: Anywhere, just ask me first :o)
Notes: Feedback appreciated.

I stand there, no tears fall I bow my head so no-one can see. I look at the ground, where he had just been buried, my heart feels empty. I did this, I killed him, a sick smile crosses my face. I squash it quickly, before anyone can see. "Amen," I say, thank god that is over. I hate funerals, but I hated this one especially. Matt was down there, I caused it. But he still loved me, even though I stabbed him. That was what nagged at my mind. After everything I had done to him, he still loved me.

I turn and walk away from the crowd, no-one stops me, thinking I need time alone. They knew Matt and I had been close, they just didn't know how close. I turn and sit down, resting my back against a tree. Looking down at them all, I smile again. Some would call it a twisted smile, some demented, I didn't care. Matt had gone, I had no-one to play with anymore, don't get me wrong. I missed Matt terribly, he had always been the one for me. Ever since we were young, I always knew that one way or the other, he would be mine. I just chose to have him both ways. I had him to cuddle up to and comfort me. Plus I had him scared, I had him in my power. I loved being in power, in control. It gave me an adrenaline rush and turned me on.

I watch one person in particular, he had always been my second favorite. His good looks and long blonde hair were just…well I couldn't describe it. He goes to see to my dad, I really should have done that. But oh well, the old man could cope, I had other things on my mind. Things some people would be very shocked to find out.

My mind flashes back to when I had to get myself beaten up, just to scare Matt. I didn't really like it, but it had its uses. Matt was very attentive to me and obeyed me again. That's what I like, I smile again, being obeyed. All while we grew up I had to do what he said, when I was a very young age I swore to myself that I would get him to obey me. And I kept my promise to myself. Even though it still nagged me that Matt had loved me, till the end. Any normal person would have hated me for what I did to him. Remorse flooded me but I shoved it to the back of my mind. I wouldn't be held accountable for it, if he loved me, then it was his fault. Not mine, I loved myself, and only myself. I close my eyes remembering the scene when I had killed him. I pleaded him not to leave me, and I meant it. I didn't want to kill him really, I'm not a killer. A voice interrupts my thoughts, "Jeff?"

I look up, my eyes devoid of any emotion. "Yes Jay?"

"I was wondering, how are you?" He looks anxious. I decide to play my ace card.

"How could he leave me Jay?" I whisper, breaking down into tears. I feel him wrap his arms around me, I bury my face into his shoulder. "I loved him, how could he? Who would hurt him?" My arms tighten around him, Jay starts to stroke my hair, trying to calm me down. What he doesn't know is I could stop at anytime, I squash a smile again and concentrate on my act.

"I don't know Jeffy, I'm sure he didn't want to leave you. I know he loved you. Don't worry the police will find whoever hurt Matt, they will get him." Jay whispers in to hair, I love the feel of him so near me. I calm my sobs down a bit as Jay pulls me even closer. He never stops stroking my hair, I find it very relaxing. Melting into him I calm down further, I have just about run out of tears. My throat aches, my eyes hurt.

"Come on Jeff, lets go home. I'll stay with you if you want." I nod against him. "Okay then come on."

He releases me and pulls me up. I cling to him as we go down the hill to the car, we both get in. I look out of the window at the passing scenery, I can feel the concerned glances Jay is shooting my way. If only he knew, he shouldn't be concerned about me. He should be concerned about himself. I bow my head again so my hair covers my face, I smile, that twisted smile of mine.

Two

***

I walk into the house that Matt and I had shared. Looking around reminders of him are everywhere, tears spring to my eyes again. Real tears, Matt had always been there for me and now, because of me, he wasn't. Jay puts his arm around me and guides me into the lounge, before pulling me down so I'm sat on his knee. I curl up and start to cry again, Jay's chest was so comfy. His muscles were all in the right places and all the right size. I look up at him, tears still coming out of my eyes. "You will stay with me tonight, wont you?"

"Of course I will, I wouldn't leave you alone, Jeffy. Now calm down, go to sleep, I'll still be here when you wake up." Jay murmured soothingly.

I tuck my head back down and close my eyes, making an effort to stop crying. I feel Jay start to stroke my head again, I relax knowing he will stay. I snuggle into him a bit more and drift off thinking, I need my energy for tonight.

~*~

I slowly wake up and look around me, I'm in the bedroom I share with Matt. Used to share, I correct myself. I turn over and look at Jay who has fell asleep beside me. I stroke his cheek softly, he sighs. I reach over him to Matt's bed draw which was full of goodies. Pulling out the thin ropes I gently turn Jay onto his back. I undress him, tie his hands together and then ties them to the bed. I straddle him and look deeper into Matt's draw, looking for the thing he always used to use on me and I hated it. But it might be fun to play with, though I doubt Jay would agree. He moves beneath me, I look down, hoping he wouldn't wake up, not yet anyway. Its not time yet, I'm not ready. He settles down again, I smile and gently kiss him on the cheek. Sort of like a thank you for not waking up. I continue looking in the draw when my hand stills, it would be more fun to have him trust me first. Trust me and beg, a grins spreads across my face. "Yes Jay, you will beg me," I whisper at the sleeping form. Silently I shut the draw and slide down his body till my face is level with his.

I look down at him, before kissing him deeply. As I expected Jay woke up pretty quickly, he tried to turn his face away but I grab it and hold him there with one hand. My other hand slowly roams down his body, Jay groans and starts to respond. I pull away and look into his eyes, he's breathing heavily and so am I. I force another kiss onto him, not like the last one, this one is demanding, fierce and screams domination. Jay realises this and tries to move, but can't. I continue my assault on his senses my other hand caressing his cock. He finally gives in again, I carry the kiss on a bit longer, revelling in his submission and he knows it. Finally I break it again and press kisses all down his chest, stopping at his nipples. I gently bite them, teasing him.

Jay moans and struggles against the binds, but can't break them. I continue my assault, I move from one nipple to the next. Circling my tongue around it, sucking it into my mouth. Jay's moans urging me on, I release it and trace my tongue around his perfect stomach muscles. He tenses involuntarily, I plunge my tongue into his belly button before travelling even lower. Jay arches off the bed, moaning, gently I tease his cock. Tracing the head of it with my tongue. "Please..." Jay pleads.

I look up at him, "Please what?"

"Please, Jeff, take me," Jay looks down at me. His eyes have a vulnerable look in them. I smile, Jay draws in a breath and looks at me. I can tell he's afraid, who wouldn't be? I only ever have one smile now, twisted.

I sit up and go back to the draw, Jay struggles as much as he can, trying to get out of the ropes. But I tied them too well, I have had practice you know. "Jeff, please let me go, don't do anything." Jay pleads with me.

"Ha ha!" I say, I have found what I was looking for. That infernal thing Matt loved to use on me, I never got him back for that. Shrugging I shut the draw again and slide down Jay's body. His eyes never leave me. I take his erection in my hand and press kisses on it. Jay moans again as the sensation overcomes him. I deftly close the ring round the base of his cock before taking him in my mouth. His hips buck off the bed, I deep throat him before releasing him. I circle my tongue around him again before reaching for the bottle of lube that I placed beside him earlier. I put some on my fingers before putting my hand near his ass, he groans loudly. I insert one finger, angling it so I rub against his prostrate, while still continuing sucking his cock.

His head thrashes around on the bed, he mumbles incoherently. I insert another finger, sending his senses reeling. "Jeff…please," he begs. "Let me come…please…" He's tugging at the ropes again, his mouth is open while he gasps for breath.

I release him but keep teasing him with my fingers, I know just how this feels. You burn, you ache to come. But you can't, so you begin to beg with your lover. You beg with him to let you come. The question was, should I let him? I laugh manically, my mind as far removed from my body as it could be. My body wanted release as well, but my mind wanted other things.

I look at Jay again, his blond hair is splayed all over the pillow, his head thrashing around. Hands tugging at the ropes, hips pushing down against my fingers. Back arched off the bed, his expression was one of passion, but also of pain. I laugh manically again, while trying to make up my mind.

Three

***

I continue to watch him closely, tears start to come out his eyes. I bend down and kiss them away gently. "Shit!" I exclaim as I am thrown onto my back and Jay lies on top of me. Looking dangerously pissed off, "What, when, how?"

"You stupid little fuck Jeff, don't you ever do that to me again. You are so going to pay!" Jay screams at me, my eyes open wide in fear. I never notice Jay remove the cock ring, his hands capture mine and I begin to understand how he got free. They are covered with blood, you could see some of his bones but Jay wasn't concerned with that. And I knew it, that was what frightened me.

"Don't hurt me," I began to plead, tears coming out of my eyes. Jay's eyes don't soften at all, they harden at my begging. He holds both of my wrists in one hand and traces my cheek bone with the other. I breathe shallowly, my eyes pleading with him but knowing I wouldn't get any mercy.

He forces my legs open and rams himself deep inside me. I scream, not expecting that or the pain. Tears flow out of my eyes as he slams in me again. My head starts to spin, heat building up in my body. My cries of pain go deeper and turn into moans. He builds up a rhythm, I adjust to it, deep down hating myself. Our breathing becomes more ragged until we both come together. He wipes my stomach clean with the edge of the sheet before collapsing on top of me, trying to steady his breathing before looking back up at me.

I see the intention in his eyes and realise that he wanted revenge for what I just did to him. "Don't hurt me," I plead again, knowing that it wouldn't help. "Hurt you Jeff? Why would I hurt you? No my little Jeffy you are going to beg me to take you, and you know it." Jay says calmly.

The scariest thing was, I believed him. I knew he could do it, half of me wanted him to stop. The other half wanted him to carry on, and I hated myself for it. "Never," I whisper, looking into his eyes. They were still glazed with passion that I had created before. I had no idea how he was still watching me, I would have cracked by now.

He smiles at me tenderly before reaching above me and tying my hand together. I struggle but am no match for him, he's much stronger than me. I whimper as he grabs my hair, yanks it back and forces a kiss onto my lips. A kiss that was pure domination, no tenderness in it at all. I cry out as I feel my lip split underneath the pressure, he takes advantage and slips his tongue in my mouth. He plays with mine, I cant take much more. His other hand runs into my hair and yanks it again, so he can have better access to my mouth.

Heat builds up inside of me, I give in and moan. All the time hating myself for it. He immediately releases my mouth and licks up the blood on my lips. "You ready yet Jeffy?" Jay asks as he nibbles on my bottom lip.

"Never. Don't hurt me." I plead again. I look into his lust filled eyes, pouring my soul into my gaze. Trying to get him to forgive me, his gaze never even changes and I know he isn't really listening. I whimper as he moves down my body and sucks on my nipples. I must say I have very sensitive nipples. He circles his tongue around them, I arch my back. My eyes close and I moan, loudly. He moves onto the other one. My mind starts to feel that its moving very slowly.

Jay moves even lower, I feel his lips close around the head of my cock. I draw my breath in quickly and still. He takes me even further into his mouth and runs his tongue around me. Damn that tongue, my thoughts go even more fuzzy. I thrust my hips up at him and squirm as he pushes me down again. He inserts a finger into me, I hadn't even noticed him pick up the lube. I push down onto him, moaning and muttering incoherently.

"Well Jeffy?" Jay asks me.

"Yes... please, Jay." I mutter.

"Yes please Jay what?" He draws out.

"Fuck me please Jay I'm begging you." I manage to get out. Luckily Jay takes pity on me. He stretches me until I'm ready before thrusting into me. I arch up to accommodate him. He builds up a mutually satisfying rhythm, moans escape my lips as I reach orgasm. Jay starts to moan and he rubs a hand up my cock urging me on even further. We climax together, my cries surrounding us in the room. He falls down on top of me again, before pulling out and untying me. He pulls me so I'm snuggled up to him and I start to drift off to sleep.

"Jeffy, we're going to have to talk in the morning." Jay says while stroking my hair, I mumble before sleeping.

Four

***

I open my eyes slowly and make my way into the bathroom, gingerly I wash my wrists that are covered in dry blood. I flinch under the water and decide not to bother anymore. Why should I wash them? They're my hands not anyone else's, they can get infected if I want them to. I walk back into the bedroom and pull on a bathrobe before making my way downstairs where I can smell food being cooked. Wandering into the kitchen I look at Jay before sitting down. I continue to watch him while he cooks, his hands are bandaged up and must be killing him. I sigh, knowing that he will want some answers, answers I am not ready to give. "Come here Jeffy." Jay calls.

I reluctantly stand up and go over to him, questioningly. "What?" He grabs my arm and pulls me over to the sink where he scrubs all the blood away from me wrists, "Jay, please, that hurts." I moan, trying to pull my arm away but to no avail. He cleans my up and wraps a bandages both my wrists up. "Thanks," I mutter returning to the table.

Jay leans on the work surface and looks at me for a while, unnerving me. "Jeff, what was last night all about?" He enquires.

"Sex Jay," I say helpfully.

"Don't start getting smart Jeffrey. You know what?"

"What?" I ask, not really interested.

"I had a look around your room while you were asleep. I found a few things, which were quite interesting." Jay turned back to putting some food out. He made his way over to the table and put a plate down in front of me. "Eat, I'll finish this later." Jay then walked past me.

I was frozen in place. He looked in my draws? Shit! I had left my journal in there, he could have read that. "No," I mutter, if he had read that he would know. Dread filled my being, tears filled my eyes and silently made their way down my face. Sniffing, I ate some of the food. I thought about Matt, and looked at the knife I held. Transfixed I stared at it before throwing it across the room. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom as fast as I could, just making it to the toilet before throwing up. I felt someone sweep my hair back, and hold me as I kept retching but I had nothing left in me.

"Shhh, calm down baby." Jay whispers into my ear. "Take deep breaths, calm down." He pulls my head to his chest and strokes my head comfortingly. I slowly stop retching but stay there exhausted.

"Jay?" I whisper.

"Yes Jeff?" He answers.

"Please help me," I plead. Breaking down in tears, I wrap my arms round his neck and bury my face in his shoulder. "I never meant…didn't want to hurt him, never wanted to hurt Matty, I love him."

Jay picks me up and carries me into the bedroom lying me down on my bed. He lies down next to me and pulls me into a hug, coaxing me to sleep. "I know you didn't we all love Matt, don't worry." I start to drift off to sleep never noticing the sinister smile sweeping across Jay's face.

Five

***

"Yeah, he's fine, just sleeping at the moment. He's been crying all night… yeah he's going along with it nicely…Yeah laterz Adam…bye."

I hear Jay's conversation but don't move, making it seem as if I'm still asleep. Going along with what, I think. I freeze as Jay climbs back on the bed and pulls me into is arms again. "I know you're awake my little Jeffy, you cant fool me."

I gasp as he turns me onto my back and pins me down. I struggle, he captures both my wrists and pushes them underneath me, he yanks me over and puts a knee into my back, I whimper in pain. He ties my wrists together before turning me over again and closing a hand around my neck. I stare at him, wide eyed with fright. I try to shrink back into the bed but Jay's hand closes tighter. I gasp for air and look fearfully into his eyes, which are sparkling with amusement. "I said how much did you hear? You don't want me angry Jeffrey, especially when you're all helpless like this."

He relaxes his grip a bit and I gulp air into my oxygen deprived lungs. "I swear I didn't hear anything…never heard what you said to Adam," I look at him and realize what I just said, SHIT! He knows I'm lying now. He idly traces a finger around my face, not saying a word. Suddenly his hand tightens again. I thrash about on the bed trying to get him to release his grip a bit but he pins me down with his body.

"Go to sleep little Jeffy, I'll speak to you later." I hear Jay say as my eyes close, I go limp underneath him as my body fights for air. Finally I pass out.

~*~

"Jeffy? Jeffy wake up." I come round slowly, my neck feels incredibly sore where Jay squeezed it.

"Matty?" I mumble as my eyes start to focus on the familiar form of my brother. "But I killed you, your dead I'm so sorry." I say tearfully as I start to cry. Matt pulls me into an embrace and kisses me on my head.

"I had to come and say something to you. Jeffy," He angles my head so I can look into his eyes. His soulful dark brown eyes harden as they look at me. "Jeffy, I came to say I do blame you. You should have never touched me. I hate you for what you did Jeff, and I'll never forget it. I hope you go to hell." He throws me back down and straddles me as I cry.

"Matty please, I'm so sorry…I love you." I whisper, tears coursing down my face, sobs racking my body. A flash of pain startles me on the side of my head. I once again slip into unconsciousness, looking at the twisted face of my dead brother.

~*~

I open my eyes and look around the room, the side of my head throbs with pain. My throat feels raw with all the crying I have done and I rub my eyes gently, finding my hands free. I touch my head and whimper softly with pain, tears seeping out of my eyes again as I recall what Matt had said. I climb off my bed and make my way downstairs, seeing Jay nowhere much to my relief. Going into the kitchen I see the kitchen knives, glinting at me in the sunlight. I walk towards them and pick one up admiring it. Arms grab me from behind and pull the knife out of my grasp, "Oh no Jeffy, you're not doing that."

"Leave me alone," I cry out as he drags me through the lounge and back upstairs. I drag my feet in the carpet but he throws me over his shoulder easily and carries my sobbing body upstairs. He sets me back down on the bed and looks at me as I curl up and cry.

"Jeff drink this, come on. It'll make you a bit feel better." Jay pulls me into a sitting position and props me up against his chest. I drink what he offers me, I have no strength left to refuse. "That's it everything will fine soon. Just wait, Jeffy, just wait." Jay presses a kiss against my head and puts the drink down slowly. He pulls me closer and smiles against my head, I shudder in fear.

Six

***

"No, NO!" I shout out, thrashing about on my bed. Silently a figure watches me from the bottom of my bed. He takes in all my movements and screams, not moving an inch. Silently the figure leaves blowing a kiss to me as he passes through the door.

I sit downstairs as Adam watches me, Jay is packing our stuff up for work. Vince has decided that Jay and I have had enough time off. I know I'm going to be closely watched while we are working, but it doesn't matter. They know my secret, I cant do anything. My thoughts turn to Matt and the dream I had about him, tears start to come out of the corner of my eyes as Jay comes through the door. Instantly he pulls me into an embrace and kiss me on my head, whispering. "Shh Jeffy, it'll all be okay soon."

Adam looks over and snorts at us, before lugging the bags out to the car. "Jay move your pretty little ass now," Adam says over his shoulder.

I hear Jay sigh before pulling me up. He looks at my face and dries my tears, "Come on Jeff."

I follow him out, thoroughly confused. I couldn't work Jay out at all, first he was brutal to me, then he was all caring and nice. I just didn't get it. I knew he was trying to piss Adam off today for some reason, what I didn't know. Slowly I climb into the car as Jay locks the house up, I watch to two blondes exchange some heated words before getting in the car. We travel all the way in total silence. Jay was obviously annoyed with Adam.

We finally get to the hotel after a long flight. Well I say long, but I was asleep for most of it, as usual. Strangely I had my own room and Jay shared with Adam next door. I wander in and soon heard an ear piercing scream from next door, before it was quickly muffled. I shrug and climb onto the bed exhaustion sweeping over me in waves.

~*~

I nervously wait to go out for my first match since I killed Matt. I'm wearing my bright yellow/green top and black jeans, which I always wore. I smile a little, slowly getting some of my spark back. The music hits, I take a deep breath and make my way out. The crowd scream for me, I smile twistedly. Enjoying being in the limelight for once and not having Matt and Amy there.

I finish the match recklessly, not caring. There's no-one to hassle me now, I hadn't seen Jay since I got here. The rumour was that he had food poisoning but I knew better. I knew it had something to do with the screams coming from the hotel room next door to me. I bite my lip, thinking. I wanted some fun tonight, with who I wasn't sure.

I arrive at my hotel and make my way over to the elevators. I walk in one just as Jay walks out of it. His face is drawn and pale, he puts his head down as he passes me muttering, "Hi."

I see loads of bruises on around his jawline but dont comment. I shake my head and press the button for my floor. I smile my twisted smile again, glad I have it back. Adam was out tonight, wouldn't it be fun to play with and obviously broken Jay? This time I promise myself, I'll make the bonds tighter. Although it was fun having Jay dominate me, painful but fun.

Seven

***

I groan and try to turn over but can't. My eyes open as I struggle against the ties on my wrists. "Its no use, Jay couldn't get out of them, you cant either." A voice says. "And you know how good Jay is at getting untied. Don't you my little Jeffy?"

I gasp as Matt comes and sits next to me. He absently strokes my face as I stare at him. "What's up Jeff? Seen a ghost?" Matt laughs, "Well I suppose you have really, you thought I was dead didn't you? No such luck my dear, sweet little brother, I was never dead. Adam saw to that, you see you were set up my little one. And you never even saw it, you look tired haven't you been sleeping? I suppose Jay's screams have been keeping you awake, sorry about that. But I had to practise on someone and Adam offered Jay."

"You cant just offer someone." I remark.

"Oh yes you can, you really don't know Adam and Jay that well do you? Jay is pawn, a puppet, something to use in our little games." Matt smiles, "Just like you were using me weren't you Jeff? Before Adam watched you more closely and saw you. Then I caught you and you tried to cover it up didn't you? Well it didn't work. Now I am here again and you're my little pawn, my little puppet." He adds, darkly.

My mind races frantically, Matt was alive? He was here and the outlook didn't look good for me. "Matt, I'm sorry. I love you."

Matt laughs dangerously, "You love me? After what you did to me?" He pauses to think for a minute. "Yeah I can see that, I still love you." Matt says smiling at me.

I recognised that smile and I didn't like it. Matt ran a hand down my naked body and I shivered, my treacherous body remembering his touch and welcoming it.

"You know what I'm going to do to you?" Matt asks, I shake my head. "I'm going to do everything that I have practised on Jay, I've got it all perfect. All right for you." He rolls more on the bed and straddles my body. "You are going to have a lot of nice pain, my little one."

"No he fucking wont!" Jay screams from behind him. He rams a metal bar onto Matt's skull knocking him out. I look up at him, Jay looks at me. We say nothing.

***
End
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