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Title: More Than That
Author: Lizzie
E-Mail: [email protected]
Rating: PG-13
Content: Language, implied m/m, angst. Think that�s it. Nothing too bad here.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, and unless I suddenly become Vince McMahon, I never will. Not saying this happened in any way, shape or form.
Distribution: I have a very simple philosophy - want, take, have. Just let me know where it is.
Summary: Jericho�s in love and it�s getting to him.
Notes: I hate the Backstreet Boys. I mean, I *hate* the Backstreet Boys. I absolutely loathe them and their tacky poppy written-by-others non-instrument-playing brand of lunacy passed off as music. But my mum obvious doesn�t understand this and she bought me the Greatest Hits album. Thanks to that and MTV I now can�t stop humming �More Than That�. Hence this fic. Told you I�d do it, Gabi!! Mwahahahahahaha!!!!

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More Than That
by Lizzie
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You love him so much. You�d have to be a fool not to see it. All anyone needs to do is see the two of you together and it�s so fucking plain you�d really have to be blind not to see. Hell, even a blind man could tell that you love him - I swear every time the two of you walk into a room the temperature rises a couple of degrees. So yeah, we all know you love him. We would even if you didn�t go around telling everyone who�ll listen. Okay, slight exaggeration. So you�ve told the wolverine machine and you�ve told me - I guess that doesn�t exactly constitute everyone who�ll listen.

And we all know he makes you happy. I remember a couple of months back there when you practically locked yourself in your room and never spoke to anyone. I remember nights out when all you did was sit and stare at your glass watching the ice melt and trying to pretend you didn�t notice when people flirted with you. Hell, I even remember feeling shocked �cause you smiled one day and looked like you meant it. Half the time I was petrified you were gonna do something stupid to yourself, but you never did. But then one day you came into the locker room and you were grinning. Fucking beaming. I think you have done every single time I�ve seen you since then. It�s fucking obvious he makes you happy. I wasn�t sure anyone ever would.

Seeing you together, everyone knows you make him happy too. I�ve never seen him smile as bright as when he�s with you. I�ve never seen him be so attentive to anyone else. You sit together and it�s almost like you�re in your own little world where the rest of us have completely ceased to exist. Either that or we�re just unimportant to you when you�re together. You�re all smiles and unreadable little looks, touches, glances, whispered words and kisses. It�s like you can�t keep your hands off each other. It�s like you never want to be anywhere without each other. And I�m so jealous �cause you�re so happy. Fuck, you�re so happy.

You know I�ve never been as happy as you are with him? Not with anyone, ever. I wasn�t with Lance or with Chris or with either of the fucking Hardys. At the time I guess I thought I was happy but I wasn�t. It was novelty, momentary infatuation. What you have is real love, the kind that lasts. What I had with them was short-lived. It was fun but it was never meant to last. And I want that. It�s what I�ve always wanted. It�s what I�ve been waiting for my whole life.

It�s depressing seeing the two of you together. You don�t notice because you�re so wrapped up in each other, but it�s so uncomfortable being around you. I sit there and try to act like I don�t see you and try to carry on a conversation with someone else who�s also trying to act like they don�t see you. I think we�re all jealous. I don�t think any of us have ever seen a love like yours.

And I miss you, you know. You were my best friend for a while there, or one of them at least. We used to talk, even if you were depressed and didn�t really feel like it. I used to be able to make you feel a little better, or you�d make me feel a little worse. We�d talk for hours. You told me all about that dumb-ass affair you had with Chris and I got to tell you all about mine, too. We traded stories. I shocked the hell out of you more often than not with all the stupid stuff I got up to before we even met, before either of us were with the Federation. We were friends. Now I hardly ever see you and when I do all you talk about is him. You don�t even notice that I�m falling apart right in front of your eyes.

�Cause it�s as obvious to everyone else as the fact that you and Hunter are together. I can�t believe you don�t see. I�m sitting here and day by day I�m getting worse. Everyone can see it but you. I�m losing it, Kurt. The old you would�ve seen that. And it�s all because of you.

Okay so maybe that�s unfair. I�m not gonna retract the statement but I�ll modify it slightly - it�s all because of you and how fucking dumb I am. �Cause we were friends. We were friends and because of some misguided sense of friendship-preserving loyalty I thought it�d be wrong to try anything with you, no matter how I felt. Oh, that and I didn�t want to scare you. I knew the only guy you�d ever been with was Benoit and I didn�t wanna push anything on you. I didn�t even know if you felt anything for me. So, stupidly, I didn�t say anything. I kept quiet. And the next thing I knew, I was watching you making out with Hunter Hearst fucking Helmsley in the locker room.

I�m in love with you. I have been for as long as I can remember. And I know it�s that kinda love, y�know, *that* kinda love. I could make you so happy. Correction - I could�ve made you so happy. If only I�d said something. Because something tells me you wouldn�t have turned me down. I was just being paranoid back then, and now it�s too late and I have to watch you suck face with the Game. Y�know, every time I walk in and find the two of you together I fall apart just a little more. My heart breaks a little more. And you just don�t see, do you. You�re the only one who doesn�t. That hurts like you can�t imagine. Christ, Kurt, even Hunter knows. How do you think that makes me feel?

He won�t tell you because he loves you. I know he does. He wouldn�t be with you if he didn�t - I guess you noticed none of his relationships before you ever lasted more than a couple of months, and I swear you must�ve been together over a year now. He wouldn�t smile like that and wouldn�t spend all the time he does with you so I have to face the fact he loves you and isn�t gonna let you go. Hell, he�s even told me he loves you himself. You�d be surprised if you knew I talked to him but no one�s gonna tell you. You don�t need to know.

Except where exactly do you think he goes when he�s not with you? What do you think about all the times he doesn�t meet you when he said he would or he�s late or he leaves early? What about the times he tells you he�ll take you somewhere and then cancels at the last minute? You don�t seem to care, but you should know you deserve better. He�s good to you, sure, but you could have so much more. I could give it to you.

You�d think I�m insane if I said that to you, but it�s true. I�ve thought about it a lot. I�ve thought about practically nothing else since the two of you got together. And I know I could love you just as much as he does. I could love you stronger and hotter and longer than he does. I could give you everything I have to give and never ever break a promise to you. I�d give you everything I am. And you�d feel just as loved as you feel with him, maybe more. And you could love me too, I know it. The problem is that you don�t want me to. Because you want him.

But you know, I could give you so much more. You�re my whole world. I�d never lie to you. I�d never deceive you. I could never hurt you.

You�re sitting across the room while I try to keep up a conversation with Billy Kidman and we both pretend you�re not there. But above the forced cheeriness and polite chatter about Lance and a few other mutual acquaintances, I can hear your voices. I can hear him.

�I love you�, he says, whispers, a little too loud. �I�ll never want anyone else. You know that, right?�

And you nod. But I just want to scream at him, scream at you, just fucking scream. �Cause he�s such a fucking liar and I only wish you could see it.

Because if said those words, I�d mean them. If I said those words I know they�d be true. Not like him. �Cause if he meant them then he wouldn�t be sleeping with me, would he. He wouldn�t be with me when he leaves you, be late for you �cause he�s with me. He wouldn�t tell me he loves me. Would he.

Yeah, Kurt, he loves you. But I could love you more than that.

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End
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