Title: Love Hurts
Author: Lizzie
E-mail: [email protected]
Rating: I don�t know, maybe PG-13.
Content: Just angst, I think. I�m not sure how to describe it.
Disclaimer: They're not mine, and unless I wake up one morning having mysteriously become Vince McMahon, I doubt they ever will be. Damn, that's a scary thought.
Distribution: Not that you're likely to want it, but if you do, just tell me where.
Summary: An indescribable feeling.
Notes: I know I didn�t mention any names in the story itself (I guess you could pretty much insert any characters you want�) but I wrote it thinking that it was Hunter�s POV, and the guy he�s thinking about it Kurt. Twig�s turned me into a Hunter/Kurt devotee, I swear.

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Love Hurts
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I love him more than I can say. I love him more than I�m ever going to be able to say. Ever. Because I don�t want to say it. I can�t. I just can�t because I know that nothing I could say would be able to explain this feeling. Nothing I could say could ever be powerful enough to show you how I feel about him. Nothing.

I don�t want to try to explain it. I don�t want to sit here and try to put it all into words because it�s more than my life�s worth to damage what I feel for him with my awkwardness. It feels like I�m going to break it apart if I try to tell you. If I try it�ll fall flat and you won�t understand how it can scare me like it does. It�s like I�ll bruise this, this whatever it is, like I�ll crack it or I�ll hurt it and nothing could ever make me do that. I need it too much to ever hurt it.

It�s fragile. It�s like putting it into words would injure it because it�s so fragile. It�s like a bubble made of crystal, so thin that if you even breathe on it it�ll shatter. Then it�ll be gone. Forever. And I couldn�t let that happen. So I�m not going to explain it. I�m not going to try to tell you how I feel about him. It would be like hitting that crystal bubble with a sledgehammer, never mind a breath.

But I�m not saying what we have isn�t strong. I�m not saying that what we have is so tentative and small and powerless that it would break if I shook it. Because it wouldn�t. It�s stronger than that. It�s stronger than me and it�s stronger than him. It�s bigger than us both. It�s scorching and it�s passionate and it�s bloody and raw, it�s throbbing and terrifying and sometimes it feels like it�s suffocating. It�s forever. It�s more than I can deal with, but I can�t let it go. It�s sensory overload. It�s pain.

It�s exhausting to feel this way all the time. Living every second of every minute of every hour of every day with this, this� *this* burning inside is more than anyone should have to do. It�s like I�m cracking apart because of it and it�s spilling out of me so I�m trying to hold myself together so I don�t lose it. I don�t want to lose it. It�s the best and the worst I�ve ever had. It�s beautiful and it�s twisted. It�s once in a lifetime. It�s true love.

When I�m with him, when I�m inside him, when he�s in my arms, it�s worth it. It�s worth me giving more than I get. It�s worth me giving more than I have to give. And it�s the same for him. I see it when he looks at me, and it scares me. I look into his eyes and I see what it�s doing to him. I look into his eyes and I see that he�s torn and breaking up inside because he wants this and he wants me so much that he can�t let it go. We�ll stay together, even though we know what it�s doing to us.

Loving him hurts me. Loving him hurts him. I know it does. It�s got a hold of us and will never let us go, not until it�s killed us. Every touch feels like flames. Every heartbeat feels like a lifetime. We�ll bleed our pain into each other, we�ll hold onto it and we�ll let it twist us like it�s twisted itself. We�ll be together, holding on because we�re so scared of what we�d be like without each other, so scared that we�ll never feel anything as breathtaking as this ever again.

This is ours. This is what we�ve got. This is all we have. Maybe this is all we�ll ever have. Maybe this is all we were ever supposed to have. Maybe we were supposed to drown in this together, all tied and bound and bloody. Maybe an indescribable feeling and a pain so deep it�s there in everything we do and a lack of the right words to define it all was what we were always supposed to get. Maybe this is destiny.

Or maybe this is just how real love feels.