Title: Lie to Me
Author: Lizzie
E-Mail: [email protected]
Rating: PG-13
Content: Nothing terrible. Can�t be bothered to go through it.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, and unless by some bizarre accident of nature I suddenly become Vince McMahon, I never will. Not saying this happened in any way, shape or form.
Distribution: I have a very simple philosophy - want, take, have. Just let me know where it is.
Summary: Hunter lies to Kurt. And my summaries suck. I think they�re actually getting worse.

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Lie to Me
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You were the first person I ever loved. And in my whole life, you�re the only person I�ve ever loved. I never lied when I said I loved you, like you did to me. I never lied when I said I thought you�d be the only person I�d ever love, and that you were the only person I�d ever loved. I never told you a single lie in all the time we were together. It�s not in my nature. You know that.

But it�s in yours. I�ve known that as long as I�ve known you. You lie and you get yourself into trouble. Then you lie to get yourself out. You lie so you don�t hurt people�s feelings, even if the only person I�ve ever seen that applied to is me. You lie so people think better of you. You lie so people won�t think worse of you. And the worst part � sometimes you lie for no reason at all. You�re a pathological liar, Hunter, and you know it. You don�t even deny it.

Actually, when we first met it was one of the first things you told me about yourself on our first date. We sat down to eat in this little diner in some small town I never knew the name of and over apple pie you told me you thought I ought to know, before we went any further, that you�re a pathological liar. I thought you were joking. I mean, sitting there, then, there was no way I could believe you�d lie to me just for the sake of lying. But you do.

I found it out as we got further down the line. You made up stories when we were talking that I believed completely, because I had no reason to believe they weren�t true. But later you�d say something that contradicted what you�d said or someone else would mention something and I�d realise it hadn�t been true. You have no reason to do that that I can see. But you still do it. I think you always will.

So yeah, you lie all the time. And at first it was kinda disconcerting, but I got used to it. I keep asking myself if it�s something I should really be getting used to, �cause I was raised to believe that lying�s wrong no matter the circumstances. But I got used to it. Now it doesn�t bother me because I just take everything you say with a pinch of salt. I figure you have your reasons for doing what you do and I�m not going to ask you to change. After all, I love you just the way you are, and I really do believe that this is a fundamental part of you. Maybe it makes you feel good, having someone who believes whatever you tell them, completely unconditionally, like an adrenaline rush or something. Maybe it�s just something you have to do, I don�t know. Maybe you think it makes you more interesting. Well, it does, but not in the right way.

I don�t know whether you know it, but I don�t believe anything you tell me anymore. Not unless I already know it�s true. Actually, maybe that�s not right � y�see, I believe whatever you tell me unless it�s something important, because as long as it�s something small I can believe what you want me to believe. I know that�s the not the way it should be, believing almost everything you tell me just because it doesn�t really matter if it�s true or not, but that�s how it is. I�d go insane if I had to wonder if you were lying to me every time a word left your mouth. I used to do that. Now I just shrug off that uneasy feeling I get when I start to wonder if you�re telling the truth, and I accept what you tell me. It�s got easier the longer I�ve been with you. It�s surprising what you can put up with when you really love someone.

But the big things worry me. Like when you come in late and I ask where you were, and you tell me you were at the gym or you went out running or you were shopping or something. Because most times I know that�s not true. I know where you�ve been because you�ve been with him. You might not know it but your clothes smell of him. Your hair smells of him. Hell Hunter, your mouth tastes of him. How am I supposed to not know? When you walk into our room looking like you�ve just been fucked into next week and reeking of sex, what am I supposed to think? You don�t exactly come in like that from the gym and you know it. And maybe you know I know it too. That�s what bothers me.

Because it�s not even like you try that hard to hide it. If at all. Y�know, I don�t think you try at all. Aside from the lying, that is. Because if you were trying then you might actually come up with a convincing excuse for where you�ve been sometime. You might be smart enough to change clothes or take a shower or even just clean yourself up a bit because every time you walk in you look like you�ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. And although you�re telling me you just went out jogging, I know where you�ve been. Instantly. It doesn�t take me a moment to know you�re lying, and it doesn�t take a genius to know who you were with.

And I know you lie when you tell me you love me. �Cause Hunter, you wouldn�t be cheating on me if you loved me, would you. Even the first time you said it, before you started seeing him, I knew you were lying. We were lying in bed, you were just holding me, and I whispered �I love you�. I�d said it a few times before, only when I really felt like I needed to, and I�d never expected you to say it back. I didn�t need you to, because I knew I�d have to ask myself whether you meant it or not. But that night you said it. You lay there and looked into my eyes, and you told me you loved me.

I thought my heart was going to break. Y�see, I didn�t even need to think about it. I just knew you were lying. I�d like to be able to say it was something in your eyes or the look on your face, or something like that, anything at all, but it wasn�t. I just knew and I can�t explain how. It was like I was looking at you as you said the words and I just felt how false they were, knew in every fibre of me that it wasn�t true. And I really thought you�d broken my heart right then.

�Cause up �til that moment you�d never lied about anything that mattered. You�d never told a lie that could hurt me. And I�d believed that you wouldn�t. I�d always thought I could depend on the fact that although you lied, you would never lie about anything that really mattered. And I�d never expected you to tell me you loved me so it wasn�t even like you�d needed to tell me and I�d made it abundantly clear that you didn�t have to tell me, that I didn�t need to hear you say it. But you went ahead and you said it anyway, lied when you had no reason to about something that everything we had together could rest on. In that one moment, I hated you.

But you�ll notice that I didn�t leave you. I thought I was going to, planned it down to every last word I was going to say to you, but I didn�t go through with it. I was practicing the speech I was going to give you in the shower for weeks. And then finally I realised I wasn�t going to leave after all, and I couldn�t think of a satisfactory reason why I wasn�t leaving. I would�ve been perfectly justified. But I couldn�t.

I can�t even say that it�s because I loved you too much, because back then I didn�t. I loved you, but I wasn�t completely dependant on you and even if it would�ve hurt to leave you, I would�ve been fine. I would�ve had a couple of weeks of feeling terrible, maybe a month, resisting the urge to eat cartons of Rocky Road and vegetate in front of the TV, friends calling every half hour to see if I was okay, but I would�ve been fine. I wish I�d left you then.

But I didn�t. I stayed with you, like the fool I am. I�ll never know why I did that. Maybe I wanted to give you a second chance or maybe I wanted to believe that you weren�t lying to me, but I don�t think it�s that. They�re just convenient explanations that don�t really cover it at all. I stayed with you because I did, and I�ve regretted it. Not at first because everything was the same apart from those words you�d said. I could almost pretend you hadn�t said them.

The one problem is that two weeks later, you came in late. Looking vaguely like your mom had just walked in and found you making out on the couch, except the only two people in the room were me and you. But I knew what you�d been doing. And though I couldn�t explain why, I knew who you�d been doing it with.

Chris Jericho�s not such a bad guy as far as guys go. That�s not to say that if I had to choose someone for you to cheat on me with, it�d be him. It wouldn�t be. Because I�ve always known he had a crush on you. That�s something I can saw I saw, because you just have to be within twenty metres when you two are in the room together to know what�s going through his mind it�s that obvious. And especially to me because that�s the exact same way I used to look at you. Remember? Back when you were with Shawn and I was the other man.

Yeah, I know about that. I�m pretty sure you must know I know that at least, because everyone knew you were with Shawn. I don�t even know why I agreed to that first date when I knew you were with someone else. But three days later you left him so that made it okay. Kinda. I�ve spent a whole year trying to pretend like that doesn�t matter. But now I know what it�s like to be cheated on, I know it matters. I wish I could tell Shawn how sorry I am but I doubt he�d want to hear it. And I don�t deserve him to forgive me anyway.

You�d think that if you were cheating on Shawn when we got together I wouldn�t be so surprised that you�re cheating on me now. But I was. It really hurt. But by then, just two weeks after I�d been prepared to leave you, I�d passed the point of no return. I couldn�t leave you because I loved you too much. I think there�s a stage like that in every good relationship, a point you get to and once you�re past it there�s nothing anyone could do to make you leave. I passed it with you just before I found out you were fucking Chris. And no matter how much it hurt me, I couldn�t leave you. Sad but true.

Now I wish I�d left you while I�d had the chance. But there�s nothing I can do about it now. I�m stuck with you �til you leave me. But that doesn�t mean I can�t get a little revenge.

I�ve never lied to you, Hunter. Not once. Not even about stupid stuff like whether I liked the pair of leather pants you bought me for my birthday or if your cooking tastes good. But I�m not above revenge. I know I�ll regret this, I already do, but if I can�t leave you then I want you to know what you�ve put me through. I think maybe this is the only way I can hurt you.

�Where�ve you been?� you asked as I walk into the room. I glance at my watch. It�s one am. I had no idea I�d been out that long. I wasn�t sure you�d wait up. But I was out that long and you did wait up. I�m almost glad. And I just shrug in response.

When you ask again, I look up at you, smoothing down my crinkled shirt. There�s this memory of walking in on you and Jericho playing in my mind, that once I was foolish enough to walk into the locker room when I knew it was just the two of you in there. You don�t know I saw you. You haven�t got a clue.

But that�s not what you�re seeing on my face. What you�re seeing is guilt. And when I see the realisation hit your face, all I�m seeing is Edge�s face as I thrust inside him, his sweat-slicked skin, the lust in his eyes. I can feel how it felt to be inside him, to feel his hands on me, to hear him moaning my name� and I feel guilty. Guilty because of what I�ve dragged him into, guilty because of what I�ve done to you in the name of revenge.

�I was working out�, I say, heading for the bathroom. But I already know you know the truth.

�You�re wearing Edge�s shirt�, you say.

�Yeah, he was there, I must�ve put it on by mistake�. Now there�s a lame excuse to rival any of yours. I�m such a poor liar. See what you�ve reduced me to? I�ve lied to you because you�ve lied to me. I hope that makes you feel good.

But then I turn around in the bathroom doorway. And I look at you, just sitting there, looking at me. There�s something wrong here, because that�s not the way you�re supposed to look. It looks like I�ve just broken your heart.

�I love you�, you say, you lie. And I feel my heart pound in my chest.

Because this time I have to wonder, standing there, watching you and that look on your face. I have to wonder if you were lying after all.

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End
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